Thursday, January 28, 2010

I'm not a prostitute, really.

I will never understand why men will make a point of telling me they're "successful" or "professional" in the context of seeking casual sex. I'm not going to see any of it (not that I want to), so why should I care?

The weird thing is that I don't think they're even implying they'd pay me. I think the money is just supposed to be a turn-on in its own right. Men like boobies and women like dollars, right? When I hear about a guy who has lots of big turgid throbbing dollars, I'm supposed to get all sweaty and squirmy, I guess.

I guess there is some assurance that a guy who's successful professionally might have better social skills than a guy who lives in Mom's basement. Telling me about your money seems like a pretty indirect (and un-social-skilled) way of communicating that, though.

I don't really go for penis length either, but at least the guys who email me about their ten-inchers have some idea of what they're actually offering me.


  1. I'm guessing they're just trying to let you know they're not too skeevy to have a decent job.

  2. Exactly. They're trying to meet a minimum threshold. And they're doing it because in their experience most women want to know.

  3. I think that a lot of guys who consider themselves successful specifically look down on men who "aren't". So I guess they're more or less saying that they belong in a group of people they believe deserves respect instead of one they consider beneath them. In that way, it's a huge part of their identity and they want everyone to know. I guess it's kind of like people who want you to know about how they're distantly related to Thomas Jefferson or Louis Pasteur. That would only theoretically (if at all) matter if I wanted to have your babies. But I guess it's a conversation starter.

    They probably also do totally think that their "being a good provider" will get you wet even if they never intend to provide you with anything but orgasms. The 1950s would be so proud.

  4. I think when most people say 'professional' for the most part they mean clean cut and somewhat preppy as opposed to long hair, biker with lots of tattoos.

    Successful...hmm....I think some are right, a guy might say successful as codeword for 'I have a job, a car, most of my teeth and my own place. I don't live in my parents basement'.

    On the other hand, there are some people who wield those terms like swords and they are codewords for 'I'm a huge yuppy douchebag and wanted to let you know before you spent more time talking to me'.

    The difference is pretty easy to spot if you're looking for it.

  5. I think the "I'm professional/successful" is more of a "I'm not normally one to go looking for random sex" line.