Monday, July 26, 2010

Done.

Although I wouldn't trade my sexual abilities for anything (maybe the lives of a busload of orphans? mayyybe? hm. nah.), in one sense I do kind of envy most men and some women--the ones who can have an orgasm and be done. It must be nice to have even five minutes post-orgasmically when you really can't go again and don't want to.

I don't really finish having sex. I just get sore, tired, out of time, or my partner gets done. (My hips used to be the first to tap out, but I've been getting more exercise lately so usually I can last until my vagina itself waves a tiny white flag.) I can't be satisfied.

I masturbated three times today. The only reasons it wasn't four were lingering soreness and the need to do other things with my day.

I'm honestly not sure if this is a whine or a brag, here. On the one hand, I'm awfully jealous of the ability to completely relax after an orgasm and truly be sated with sex for a few minutes of your life. It can be awkward when I'm supposed to be basking in afterglow and he's all relaxed and warmfuzzy and I'm lying there wishing he'd make me come just one more time. Just one more. Or two, you know, if you feel like it.

On the other hand, now and then I get into situations like a couple nights ago, completely sore and completely tapped out and yet... not just taking a man's fingers but fucking back on them and coming on them over and over and over. "You really can't help it, can you?" he asked, and the answer is I can't. It's frustrating and a little humiliating and it leads me into pain and it's awesome.

19 comments:

  1. Wow. I'm not even sure if I asked you that, or someone else.

    I did have fun making you come again and again even after you were too sore to continue (if you were, like, a NORMAL person). You make a wonderful anguisette. :)

    Jack

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  2. And on the other hand, Holly, at least one person who does, in fact, come and be done (for at least a little while) is rather jealous of people who can just keep going and going...

    :)

    The grass is often greener on both sides of the fence, I suppose.

    ~Aaron

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  3. De-lurking to say me, too, Holly. Me, too. There are times I can't MOVE anymore, and my other half can make me KEEP COMING UNTIL I PASS OUT in a puddle of girl-juice on the bed.

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  4. hah, as someone who doesnt even want to be *touched* after orgasm, and can't muster up enough enthusiasm (even for my partners sake) to do more than lie still, there is definitely a balance.

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  5. I hear you. I'm not saying I'm exactly the same but I'm usually not sated with one orgasm and I'd want to, no, I need to go again most of the time. It really is frustrating and in my previous relationships it lead to secret masturbation after the sex because I just needed more. It was kinda sad not to feel wholly taken. And it's not good for the relationship to think that the other one just doesn't care enough.

    Wonderboy has said more than once "but you just came!" in an accusationary voice but has learned to feel happy that he can infact make me thoroughly sated.

    Now I'm wondering if always craving for more and not finishing could have something to do with the need to be hurt. Like as a way to get even more out of our bodies.

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  6. Hey -- speaking of coming -- isn't it time to plug this

    http://pervocracy.blogspot.com/2010/07/dating-while-feminist-event.html

    again? You're still doing this this Thursday, right?

    Jack

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  7. Oh man, I definitely feel you on this one. It's awesome on the one hand to be insatiable, but also frustrating because I see people feeling that afterglow thing and I suspect it'd be nice here and there.

    One thing I've noticed, though, is that as I've embraced kink more and been bottoming more intensely, I feel much more satiated afterwards than I did with just sex. I even might have a day and a half where I don't feel like I could be and would like to be having sex at every minute. It's pretty cool, but also still frustrating that I can't necessarily get that with my vanilla partners.

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  8. Since my first orgasm hits me an average of 30 seconds after the onset of foreplay, its a damn good thing I can keep going. But I do get what you mean. I spent my 20's with a guy who really thought something was psychologically wrong with me because I had a stronger sex drive than he did. I have now decided that even if there is something "wrong" with me, I don't want it fixed. It's the closest thing I have to a super power!

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  9. Wonderboy has said more than once "but you just came!" in an accusationary voice but has learned to feel happy that he can infact make me thoroughly sated.

    When I was married, I went from just needing one orgasm to be satisfied to needing two - and my husband kept refusing to give me that second one. Why do some guys think just 'cause it takes one for him, it takes one for everyone? My husband certainly understood that some people have a bigger appetite for food than others and some people need more sleep than others and he is able to lift heavy things for a much longer time than I can, so why are multiple orgasms so fucking hard to understand?!?!

    Sorry, sorry. My bitterness is showing. :P

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  10. My husband just said that causing me orgasms is fun, like trying to rack up the high score on a video game.

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  11. And they say there's no such thing as sex addiction, that it's just an excuse for people who cheat on their spouses, or whatever. But when you think about it, it's completely understandable: like drugs, sex (as well as food) exploits the same reward mechanism and affects the behaviour of dopamine. Recently they did a study on mice where they fed them fatty and sugary foods, and showed that they developed an addiction on food so strong that they were even willing to suffer punishment just to eat. It was the result of change in dopamine receptors, due to increase release of dopamine brought about binge eating. Like food and drugs, sex also has an effect on dopamine release, so it would be entirely expected that some individuals may develop an addiction to sexual stimuli, the way some develop addiction to food. But the big question is why some do develop an addiction (on food or sex or porn or whatever), and others don't.

    Personally, I don't envy you. As much as I like orgasms, it's much easier to be satisfied.

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  12. Anon - Fuck, man, I'd suffer punishment just to eat... I think most people would, really.

    (Bit of a sore point since my mother used to accuse me of "food addiction" when she was low on ways to shame me for being a fatty fat fat. YEAH I'M SUCH AN ADDICT I CAN'T EVEN LIVE WITHOUT IT.)

    I'm not saying sex addiction doesn't exist--I've heard stories of people just shut up in their rooms masturbating and destroying their lives and completely hating it--but I'm wary of it being used as a synonym for "slut." In the absence of distress or impairment, really really really liking sex is a normal variation.

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  13. Holly, it's no secret that you spend a lot of time having sex, reading about sex, writing about sex, window-shopping for sex toys, and so on. You can't spend that much time on any one thing without getting used to it and thereby losing some of the enjoyment you get out of it. Why don't you take a few days off from having sex and see if you like it more after that?

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  14. Good God, if I enjoyed sex more there'd be some kind of minor seismic event. I'd recommend staying 100 yards from any coastline.

    (Also, dirty little secret: I actually do go days or even weeks without sex, at least partnered sex. I just don't usually talk about it, because hello, sex blog.)

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  15. You mean you actually DON'T have sex 24/7?

    Damn. Now I have to figure out what ELSE could be causing the burning smell...

    Jack

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  16. Wow - Bill is like a textbook example of a concern troll.

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  17. Holly --

    There's a difference between suffering punishement to eat when you're hungry, and suffering punishment to eat more when you've already had a lot. Those rats were binging. Which means they wanted more food, after they've already eaten. And sexual addiction (or compulsion) =/= sluttiness. But your own words describe compulsive behaviour. You say you only stop with the sex when you're too sore and tired to go on or your partner gets done, and you masturbate until it's too painful to have a go one more time. Only unlike binge eaters who eat until they throw up, you're not hurting yourself if you're not engaging in risky sexual practices. So you don't have to feel bad about it. (And even if you had a compulsion to eat you shouldn't feel bad about it, because it's something to be treated (because unlike sex, it can wreck your health) not feel ashamed of.)

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  18. Holly Pervocracy: Binging Sex Rat!

    Jack

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  19. Anon - I don't think it's compulsive behavior, though, because true compulsive behavior doesn't feel good. Bingers don't really taste what they're eating, hoarders hate what their homes look like, addicts don't really feel the high anymore. I definitely still feel it.

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