Saturday, July 24, 2010

Lessons learned.

-Play piercing is probably not for me, at least right now. It makes me freak out on some hard-to-define "this is not right for my body" level, and it hurts like a sonofabitch.

-Hand spanking and slapping gets a reputation as mild because it's so simple, but I actually find it more painful and harder to take in large doses than most officially designated implements of pain.

-Implements of pain, meanwhile, are pretty fucking awesome. How do people have sex without getting flogged, seriously. Or at least being dragged around by the hair and choked and bitten. That's not even weird.

-My streak of having amazing sex without actually having intercourse continues. I haven't had PIV in like two months, and I've been fucking like crazy.

-"I looked in the mirror... Apparently I'm an EROHW?"

-My orgasmic reactions are seriously getting to be somewhere between "ridiculous" and "rule out seizure disorder." ("r/o sz d/o") I'm not talking "I yelled and squirmed a lot, ooh." I'm talking "I slammed my head on the wall and chewed on a pillow and didn't clearly remember it." (And this immediately after making fun of the sex scene in Breaking Dawn.) Also I couldn't talk after. It was crossing the line from "wow, I'm speechless" to "expressive aphasia."

-During one of these tonic-clonic orgasms, I somehow cracked my iPod. Dammit. It still works, but dammit.

-I am a human Etch-a-Sketch. Have I mentioned that? If you lightly scratch my skin in some places it leaves bright red lines. It's an interesting feature if you like to leave marks. I was grown in a lab.

-I'm continually amazed that anyone would be generous enough to be a Dom. The fact that there are people out there who want to whip me and humiliate me and wouldn't even like me to return the favor... it's pretty much one of my proofs of purpose in the Universe. (Another one: the fact that on the hottest day of last year in Seattle, in fact one of the hottest days ever there, a rendering truck slowly lost its load over 30 miles of I-5. That's way too perfect to have just happened.)

-Aw dammit, I'm going to a party tonight and my pussy is kind of wrecked. Oh well, I suppose I can always just socialize like a regular person, if I have to.

-Tomorrow's most likely post: "Oh God, I feel like I just got a pelvic from Dr. Cactushands."


  1. Y'know, I try to take people at face value, and this has been a fun blog to read, but c'mon, Holly. I gotta call bullshit. Folks can't do the half-dozen activities you describe, to any real extent, all in one night and survive without some serious damage (mental and physical). I'd like to know what percentage of this is just your sad little clit-stroke fantasies; I just don't see you actually walking around somewhere with 'WHORE' scrawled on your chest or whatnot. And you actually orgasmically thrashed around so hard you broke your iPod? Please. What's next, "And then the Nice Dominant Fellow ordered me to eat yummy chocolate cake?" When does the Believability Threshhold get set too high?

    One note about hand slap/spanking: it can be more potent because the guy (or whomever) can 1) control his aim even better than with a toy, and 2) can cup the hand slightly so as to 'catch' the flesh all at once, whereas some toys tend to diffuse their force to the sides of the blow a little. A good slap, on the other hand, can lift you clean off the furniture and into the air.

    Or at least, that's what I read online. I don't believe such things REALLY happen, of course.

    Okay. Gotta go now, my wife wants me to do my chores.

    P.S.: All the poly/open relationship stuff? Still totally bullshit, or wrong & evil. Just sayin'.


  2. One note about hand slap/spanking: it can be more potent because the guy (or whomever) can 1) control his aim even better than with a toy,


    and 2) can cup the hand slightly so as to 'catch' the flesh all at once,

    Ahhh. I cup my hand so it doesn't get bruised (as happened once in my newbie days when I held it stiff like a paddle. The next day at work I suddenly noticed HOLY FUCK MY PALMS AND FINGERS ARE BLACK AND BLUE). Nice to know hand-cuppage benefits the sub, too. :D

    I think I know what you mean about play-piercing, Holly. Needles have always freaked me out - it's not so much an actual pain thing as my body panicking and saying GETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUT. I wouldn't have expected a self-proclaimed masochist to feel that fear, but hey, live and learn.

  3. Jack cracks me up. Oh hey look, imma go post on a pervert's sex blog about how poly/open is eeeeeeeevil!

    Yeah, I think you're not gonna get much traction here, buddy.


  4. Aaron --

    For what it's worth, my wife agrees with you. Last time I had a girl over, my wife didn't mind holding the dildo in one of my favorite sluts and pumping it in and out at all; the only thing she cared about was that we move out of the bedroom after said slut was done barking angrily at the pillow, so that my wife could get some sleep.

    My girlfriend, on the other hand, doesn't like to share as much, but has learned to accept and even enjoy it (much like anal!).

    Yeah, I might find myself self a little short of traction in a blog like this; but then, any time you need traction, just grab a handful of hair (I think Holly agrees with me on this one).

    And here I thought it would be the chocolate cake line that would Unleash The Blogosphere Kraken(s)...

    @Holly: You gots to be careful with dem dere iPods. And yeah, dragons eating crickets is HAWT. Now eat your fucking cake, whore.


  5. Really? I thought any time you need traction, you should look for an orthopedic specialist. How is grabbing some hair going to help?


  6. No, no, you're both wrong. Chains and studs are what you need for traction.

  7. I gotta say, I don't know how this is going to help me drive around in the snow.

  8. Holly, either go to the doctor about your orgasmic reactions, or quit bragging about them. You're getting annoying.

  9. Aaron - Jack is messing with you. He has, um, inside knowledge of this situation. Of my situation.

    Bill - What the fuck would I tell a doctor? "Doctor, doctor, I come my brains out when I do this!" "Well... then you better do that a lot."

    As for bragging, um, hello, sex blog.

  10. I foresee that, henceforth, Jack will be using the "poly is evil" tag every time he thinks text insufficiently conveys sarcasm.


  11. Nah. I use it now and then for the shits and giggles, mainly when I'm making some minor inside joke with Holly or being ironic in some capacity (being happily in poly love, I then condemn poly, etc.).

    And yes, I was recently close enough nearby that I could hear Holly enjoying herself. Loudly and clearly.

    Of course, the NEIGHBORS could hear her. Loudly and clearly.

    And I suspect that freaking Aleutians could hear her. Perhaps not so loudly, but probably clearly.


  12. By the way, Holly -- remind me to send you an invite to The First Annual Play Party In A Rendering Truck.

    I figure a nice warm day in mid-August would be a good time...


  13. The Etch-A-sketch thing is dermatographic urticaria.
    (Not a threat to health.)

  14. When you were talking about your orgasms, it reminded me of this: