Saturday, July 26, 2008

The Amazing Peloop!

I got this message through the Pervocracy Gmail account recently:

I am the webmaster of
I find your blog very interesting to read. Your way of writing can magnet and lure a lot of visitors/readers. Would you be able to write about our product after visiting our site?
Or if you have a friend who is interested to try our product, we can send you one. From this, you can gain insights and share your friend's experience to us.
I would really be interested to know if you would be able to post your findings/review in your blog, it may be a positive or negative one, with links to our site.
Sara Smith

Well, Sara, I certainly enjoy to magnet and lure my readers. So let's take a look!

It's a $40 plastic cockring.

More specifically, it's a $40 plastic cockring supported with twenty-five screens full (seriously, I counted, and I have a big screen) of disorganized gibberish. It's like the Time Cube of cockrings. Sara honey, if you're serious about marketing this thing, could I recommend an order page and some separate "how it 'works'" pages, rather than narrowing down your already overexploited "small-penised and gullible" demographic to "small-penised, gullible, and really really patient"?

As far as I can gather it works because of magnets. And if your penis was made of metal, that would mean something!

Seriously, I've got a home experiment (if looking at the micrograph of "blood cells before a magnetic field" and realizing it looks like nothing in nature isn't enough): get a little blood. Use a lancet if you've got one handy, use the drippings in a meat package, whatever, just get a little drop of blood. Now put it near a magnet. Now watch as nothing whatsoever happens. Now imagine this is your penis. Now imagine you just spent $40 on a Livestrong bracelet with little adjusty snaps. Are adjusty snaps worth $39 to you?

A couple awesome quotes:
The second benefit comes from Tourmaline and Germanium which emit negative ions (also known as "Air Vitamins") and Far Infra-Red Rays (also known as "Growth Rays").
Growth rays. Dude. We have to be careful with this. If some mad fool shines far infrared on an anthill, we're all doomed. Doomed I tell you. Doomed.

Also, every time they mention "Germanium," I read "Geranium." Flower powah!

FIR is also known as; the growth radiation, growth rays, growth light, heat light, and life light.
Y'know, even if this were true, and if the massive amount of far infrared emitted by the sun hadn't turned us all into penile Goliaths, there's still nothing on an inert lump of silicone and magnets that's going to emit infrared radiation. It would at least need a battery or something...

No amount of money, power or success will make a man feel as good as having a big hard cock that deeply satisfies a women.
They've got you there, fellas. That thing between your legs is all there is and nothing else you have or do can ever matter. Smile!

If it's been a very long time since you ordered and did not received it, then contact us.
"Uh, yeah, sometimes our highly professional organization kinda forgets to fill its orders, you know how it is, we just had shit to do, bro."


  1. I'm sure the rest of your post was brilliant, but I stopped at the deeply satisfying Mystery Science Theater 3000 reference. That hit the spot.

  2. If it emits growth rays, would it help my tomato plants?