Monday, June 1, 2009

Disgusting sex toy story.

So I'm at the sex store to pick up some basic needs, and they've got a clearance rack with really, really cheap stuff.

Hey! Ben wa balls for two bucks! I always heard those were bullshit. But I also read an old sex manual once with a description of having them in your vagina and just rolling your hips and coming to orgasm after languid, easy orgasm. That kinda... grabbed me. It's probably bullshit, but hey, two bucks.

Alright, got home, let's try these puppies out. Slip them in, and... yeah, the hands-free thing is utter bullshit, but if I rub my clit and the outside of my pussy with them in... ooh. Not bad. I can feel them turning and sliding inside me. Mmmm. Spank me harder, invisible imagination man. Oh, you've got such strong arms. Harder. Oh. Oh yeah. OOOOOHHHHH.

Gosh, that was nice.

Well, now to get them out. First one just pops out. Second one... oh shit.

Oh Jesus. It's way in there. Every time I squeeze it goes higher not lower. I can't get a finger behind it.

Oh Jesus. All the emergency rooms in 50 miles know me. I'll have to drive to Yakima.

Alright, look around. Is there anything I can use? Forceps? Speculum? Dammit, if only I were more of a pervert, I'd have the tools I need right now. Maybe I can poke at it with a pen or a ruler or something... no, I'm going to hurt myself. Bad idea.

Okay Holly. Just focus. You can do this. Like giving birth to a tiny, spherical, metal baby. Focus. Deep breath. Puush. You can do it.


I am never using those fucking things ever again.


  1. Have you ever tried Smart Balls? Same concept, except they're attached to a string.


  2. Nonsense, you just need more pervert tools like those forceps!

    Hmm, would a small spoon like a teaspoon have worked? ...oh oh I've got it: a Nerf dart with suction cup tip.

  3. Avah - I have not; it seems like you'd lose a bit of the rolly effect that way, although it might be worth it to lose the "oh god I'm going to die with this thing inside me" effect.

  4. You could get the ones that have a longer string for more of a roll-y effect. They're ok I guess...never having used regular ones or the Smart Balls but at least you'd know they'd both come out.

  5. Smart Balls, and some with rope, and some with rope and spikes and so forth at

  6. This happened to me once and a gently warmed teaspoon did the trick.

  7. Same thing happened to me -- took forever to get the little bastards out.

    Anyone want some slightly used Ben Wa Balls?

  8. I've yet to run into a story involving Ben wa balls that didn't having me grinning, and more likely laughing out loud. One of those can be found here.