Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Not Worth It.

(I should be blogging about that threesome. It was all sexy and shit. But I'm tired and sore and grouchy and would not do it justice. Sexiness later. Moping now.)

I think I've finally decided that CC is just not worth it. He's cute as fuck, he's exactly my physical and personality type and he makes me laugh my ass off all day, but... he's also kind of crazy. In ways that, while not friendship-killing, could make dating miserable.

He's over-sensitive and unpredictable. CC's psyche contains a myriad of Secret Sulk Buttons which are fucking invisible until you hit them, and when you do you're in for at least an hour of stony, averted-eyed "Hhmph. I'm fine. It's nothing. Hhmph." I'm an insensitive clod myself and have a bad habit of poking at known boundaries, even thick-skinned guys end up having to tell me "hey, that's really not an okay thing to joke about" a few times, but even if I weren't a jerk I don't think I could navigate CC's vast constellation of invisible shifting boundaries. And even if he weren't sensitive about random petty things, I don't want to date someone who goes into sulks instead of saying what the fuck's going on in his head.

Also, his reactions to me have crossed the line from "flirty" to "mixed messages," and then crossed a second, much thicker line into "batshit." It's okay to be huggy-jokey sometimes and want to keep it professional other times; it's not okay to decide these times at fucking random and freak the hell out when I guess wrong.

Don't get me wrong, the day we get unpartnered I'm still going to try to fuck him. I just don't think I have any interest in ever dating him.

Thank God, right? Wanting what you can't have is very romantic and titillating and all, but it's pretty dumb compared to plain old having.

...Although I do still need to work on that part.


  1. Hey, being able to separate people into whether you'd want to fuck or date them is an important skill. As for finding someone to actually date, you'll get there. Like I was saying to you the other day, the amount of crapsack dates you have to go on can seem absurd, but it'll pay off eventually.

  2. Quite right. People like that take AGES to be re-trained, and it doesn't always work. People who can't communicate properly (sulkers) are the worst!

  3. Sounds entirely sensible. Recognizing this line is a Life Skill that far too many people get to middle age without ever acquiring.

  4. Oh GOD. I dated one of those for way too long. It was like a truly toxic stereotype about women, all role-reversed. "I shouldn't HAVE to tell you. If you were paying attention to me, you'd KNOW why I was upset!"

    Dear god, don't go near it.

    (You'll find somebody.)

  5. I know you'll fuck him, someone with your drive and determination will win everytime.

    My question is : How much do you scare him? You are young, female, and very sure of your sexuality. How many guys can handle that? How much of his weirdness is because he is way out of his depth, and doesn't have a clue how to respond/react?

    Unfortunately, it can't really be taught... one of those annoying things that can only be learned over time.

  6. What are you, growing up or something?

  7. DG - I'm pretending to. You know damn well that if he ever started something I'd be all over that shit. Being adult enough to know something's bad for you, and being adult enough to actually not do it are two different stages in life.

  8. Dan - Huh. I never think of it that way, I always figure I'm way too unsure of myself to be scary to other people, but I have been told I'm intimidating a couple times.

    Anyway, if "I'm twenty-three, passably cute, horny as fuck, and for you, baby, I'm a sure thing" is scary, I don't think I want to be soothing.