I don't know why people talk about infinity as terrifying and unfathomable. It's finity that blows my mind. The idea of something happening for the last time. Ever. I can't wrap my head around that. One day I'll go out in the rain and it'll be the last rain I feel. I'll watch a movie and it'll turn out that it was my last movie ever. The simplest sensations of being alive, the experience of seeing a color or hearing a sound, are things I won't have forever.
And that's why I love to fuck.
Because when I get fucked, and it's good, it's transcendent. When I'm with someone I like and everything's right and I come hard enough... if I can only be alive for so long, that's about as alive as I can be. It's the best thing my mind and body know. It's not just pleasurable, it is pleasure.
This is why anti-sex rhetoric, or the promotion of joyless sex, piss me off so much. Because sex isn't a minor thing; fucking up sex is fucking up joy. Fucking up life.
When Cosmo tells you a stupid sex tip that will ruin your night, when an ad makes you feel too ugly to fuck, when a teacher tells you premarital sex makes you a bad person, it's taking away something you'll never get back. It's a small thing, it's just one bad night out of maybe ten thousand potential sex nights, but ten thousand isn't that much when you consider it's all you'll ever get. There's no ten thousand and one. I want to make it count.
Around the fourth or fifth orgasm, sometimes I get stupid. My head gets fuzzy and my muscles get spazzy. I'm just that happy. I'm just that lucky. Some people die without ever being that happy.
I don't mean to say sex is the only way to get happy, or even the best way, and I don't mean to say that it's always best to have the most sex. Obviously.
What I mean to say is that when you only get so many minutes of life, joy matters. Joy, in one form or another, spiritual or intellectual or altruistic or received directly through the genital nerves, is the only thing that matters. Good sex brings a hell of a lot of joy. And that, ultimately, is why sex matters.
Fucking is a fine thing and worth fighting for.