Sunday, April 3, 2011

Beautiful Dream.

(Yes, I'm so tired I've been reduced to coming up with post material while asleep. Four shifts to go!)

I dreamed was walking down a busy street, and there was a woman standing by the curb yelling at people as they passed by. Horrible things. Insults of every kind--racial, size-based, sexist--anything about them that was anything, that distinguished them from a department store mannequin in any way, she would pick out and scream at them. People were cringing and shying away, kids started crying. I was horrified and upset.

I stopped just out of her earshot and called the police. "We know about her, ma'am," said the dispatcher, sounding tired. "We can't do anything about it. It's a First Amendment issue."

So I decided that I would stand next to her, and every time someone came by, tell them something good about themselves. I wasn't condescending; I put all of my love into it. As long as she stayed there, I did, screaming at strangers:

"YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL FAMILY!"
"I LOVE YOUR HAIR!"
"YOU LOOK SO CONFIDENT!"
"YOU ARE A UNIQUE HUMAN BEING FULL OF POTENTIAL!"
"THOSE ARE FREAKING AWESOME SIDEBURNS!"

I couldn't shut her up, but I could add my voice.

13 comments:

  1. Yep, you are 'fucking insane' alright.

    Don't ever change. :)

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  2. I suppose this demonstrates quite nicely how doing the improper does not always translate to doing wrong.

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  3. "YOUR DREAMS ARE SO MUCH COOLER THAN MINE!" :D

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  4. It's a good thing she was standing there. If you'd been standing on a street corner by yourself, shrieking "YOUR OUTFIT IS PROFESSIONAL, YET COLORFUL AND UNIQUE!" at passing pedestrians at the top of your lungs, the police would probably have decided there was something they could do.

    I think the Dream Police can transport for psych evals on a Dream Sergeant's signature.

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  5. The sad thing is that there -are- people like that, who will stand out there and call people every horrible thing imaginable, and do so without an ounce of remorse. There's one on my campus, even.

    But I don't think I've seen yet a better way to combat that than yours.

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  6. I occasionally have daydreams of running a major TV network and creating a show called the Compliment Show.

    The Compliment Show would impersonate one of those you-suck-fix-yourself shows-- the ones with the British nannies, or the your-fashion-sucks shows. They would film your life, your wardrobe, your kids, whatever, and then they would say:

    "Your style is individual, yet attractive! Good job!"
    "Your kids are perfectly normal for their ages. In fact, your daughter is very intelligent, and your son has such artistic skill. We're impressed."
    "In general, you are a good person, and there is nothing at all wrong with you."

    It would probably get cancelled very quickly.

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  7. Why, thank you. I worked hard to grow these sideburns...

    :)

    But that really is an awesome concept.

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  8. I once saw this scenario played out in real life. In Berkeley, CA of course. It was wonderful.

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  9. Er, wow. Not using AIM to sign in again. Above post was me, for purposes of meaningful signing.

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  10. I've done this in real life. Not screaming at people, but handing out hand-written notes. It works really well. You should try it.

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  11. I decided a while back that if I'm ever broke on a gift-giving occasion, I will write the person a letter telling them everything I love about them and that would be my gift.

    It's free, and I bet they'd like it better than some stupid piece of consumer bling!

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