Coming Clean.

I guess this is as good a time as any to say it. I am not Holly Pervocracy. She's a character I made up. I'm a man. My real name is Chris, I'm 31 years old, and this has gotten way out of hand.

Way back in 2007, I got the idea to write an erotica blog. I looked around at what was out there, and found that the ones written by women were a lot more popular and well-regarded. Writing about sex as a man, I feared I would have come off as just a creepy horndog; but a woman who's loudly and lustily perverted, everyone wants to see that. Besides, creating a character gave me a level of safety--both on a practical level, by preserving my anonymity, and emotionally, by giving me the freedom to tell myself "it's not me saying this, it's just Holly."

Holly changed as my interests did; she started out as a relatively one-note porn character, but as I burned off the initial steam I delved into more genres, weaving relationship dramas in her little world, using her to explore BDSM and fetishes, and more recently using her as my political and philosophical mouthpiece.

I don't know if I can say "the character took on a life of her own," because in many ways, she took on my life. The more details I added about her mundane life, the more I borrowed from my own. I really did work as an EMT when I was younger; I really did just move across the country and visit Germany. Hell, most of the time Holly got laid was when I was getting laid.

More insidiously, Holly changed my life. Because of her, I found myself in situations I'd never have gotten into on my own--at a BDSM party, or talking a friend into sending me naked pictures to use as "Holly", or using a goddamn epilator on my junk. Being Holly expanded my horizons, it got me laid, and it got me to try just about everything short of tampons.

It's funny, but I don't feel nearly as comfortable talking about my own sex life when it's real. I suppose now that I've outed myself I'll do that from time to time. For now, I'll just say that I'm bisexual, I mostly date women, and I'm not seeing anyone right now.

I'll keep the blog going and I think I'll keep Holly around. I've gotten used to talking through her, and frankly, I kinda got to like her. But I had to get this off my chest. I'm sorry if anyone was hurt by this deception; I really love and appreciate my my readers even when I'm having Holly chew them out, and I hope you'll stick around.

Even if I am only a man.