Saturday, August 7, 2010

Action reaction.

Some guys, getting a blowjob, squeeze their eyes shut and go "oh oh oh nnnggghhh ahhh yes." Some guys pretty much go "yep, you're blowing me alright, how bout that" in a totally unfazed tone of voice. Some guys start out unfazed but let out a few grunts just as they get up to their orgasm. And a surprising number of guys seem unfazed by their orgasms! I have a couple of male friends whose external reaction to coming amounts to not much more than "welp, there it goes."

This is particularly hard for me to understand because I'm way over at the other end of the spectrum, the one where a fingertip brushing against me sends me into the Screams Of The Damned. Sometimes I try to suss out how voluntary this is for me. (I've sometimes fantasized about a scene where I was strongly encouraged not to make a peep; I have no idea how successful I'd be at that.) I know I'm able to get the noise level down to relatively subdued pants and moans, but I don't know if I'm capable of keeping a totally level face and voice. I suspect I'm not. The sheer intensity of what I feel during sex is just too goddamn much for me to keep inside.

I've only seen one woman able to do the "welp, there it goes," and it was tremendously frustrating for me. I was plowing away at her with an enormous strap-on, and she was kinda just lying there like I was doing her nails, then gave out a single little "oh" like she was almost starting to feel something, but stopped. Afterwards she told me that I made her come. That was the "oh." Wow.

The funny thing is that the noise a guy makes seems utterly unconnected to how sexually enthusiastic he is. I have a friend who does the "yep, I just came, how bout that," and he's a horny bastard who absolutely loves to fuck and is famed for jerking off any time he's not fucking. So clearly he's feeling something intense internally. I always wonder if sex actually feels different to more reactive people or if only their reactions are different, but ultimately it's a "does the blue I see look like the blue you see?" problem--there's no way to know.

All I know is that when fucking makes me literally scream, it's not a form of attention-seeking or even deliberate self-expression; it's just one of many things my body does pretty much without me when it's getting fucked. I just can't feel "OH MY GOD OOOHHHHHH" without saying "OH MY GOD OOOOHHHHH," and I'm fascinated that anyone can.


  1. It'd be interesting to try this with a microphone connected to an electrosex unit set to painfully intense...

  2. I find myself sadly in the position of the "Mmhm, yup, you're giving me a blowjob. Oh hey look, I came, how bout that" guys. In fact, I can literally keep a totally level conversational tone through it (it was a bet!).

    I do find that I simply don't experience the vast earthshattering sensations that people describe orgasm as being. The only times I've come remotely close to that have been while being dominated. And those times, I was much less quiet (and far less conscious about what I was saying / noises I was making).

  3. I'm weird. Unless I actually make an effort (which I do, dirty talk is one of my sexual talents), I do not make noise. Maybe a /tiny/ moany sound if I'm really really really turned on. However, my orgasms are so intense I literally whiteout and stop thinking.

    Aaron-- that's really interesting. I always kind of thought everybody got the vast earthshattering sensations. I wonder if this is due to physiological differences, psychological differences or different standards for what counts as earthshattering.

  4. For me, a lot of it is psyching myself up--I can't get off if I'm not in the right frame of mind. I like being noisy, but it's a learned behavior, not an involuntary reaction.

    As far as relative enjoyment goes, all I can say is that even when the sex is really fantastic, I never quite manage to turn my mind off. Even when it all feels really good, I'm always one step removed.

  5. For a run of the mill orgasm I can stay mostly conversational during the windup, but the orgasm breaks my concentration. Especially if it's a good one.

    I generally don't make involuntary noise though, even when coming. I attribute this to growing up jerking off while my parents were at home. I'm also a quiet person by nature: when I stub my toe I might gasp, but not cry out.

    One exception though: getting fucked in the ass. I don't come from it, but it can make me lose my mind like what I imagine all you screamers feel when it's good... Or in my case, I pant and moan a bit.

  6. I think a lot of people start out orgasming silently because they were trying not to let their parents hear. Eventually, some of them let themselves (or learn to) make some noise. This theory is corroborated by the fact that all the young'uns I've been with have been dead silent in bed while the reactions of dudes 24+ have been much more varied.

    Me, I had a little sexual foray into the girlzone when I was 18...the chick lay there totally silent (not even telling me what she wanted or liked) as I tried to puzzle out how to please her. And I thought "Oh god, is that what I've been doing to people?!" and made a resolve never to be reticent again.

    I honestly can't remember whether I consciously tried to make orgasm noises after that or if I just stopped repressing what wanted to come out naturally. All I know is that now I'm a goddamned banshee. I'm always dimly aware of my wailing at the time but I don't feel connected to it; it kind of sounds to me like someone in another room. If I try really hard I can be somewhat quieter, but then my orgasms don't feel as strong.

    And I can't stand unresponsive guys. If you're not gonna at least breathe hard while I pleasure you, I honestly have no incentive to do it.


  7. I'm definitely one of the quiet guys. The occasional grunt or sigh is about the extent of the noise I make. However, that's got no correlation to whether I'm enjoying it or not; I can be quiet as hell, but having an extremely enjoyable time. If my body is rigid, that's a much more accurate indicator of me being at or close to orgasm, than any sound I might make. It's not my intent to lessen the experience for my partner, it's just how I'm wired.

  8. Supporting PerverseCowgirl's comment, I learned to be loud for my partner's sake.

    I am normally a VERY quiet guy in terms of nonverbal exclamations. When I was about thirteen I was walking on a seaweed-covered beach near a construction site with friends, and I stopped and said, "Guys? Could you get my parents?"
    "'Cause there's a board nailed to my foot," raising it so they could see the scrap of wood fixed to my sole by two salty nails. "'Cause there's a board nailed to my foot" became quite the joke afterwards.

    Being loud in good sex is a matter of adding a new dimension of communication to your partner about what you're really feeling. First thought is that it's a lie because you don't naturally make those noises, but it's no more a lie than to learn to say "thank you" when you'd naturally just nod. Yeah, it takes some thought at first if you're naturally silent, and feels embarrassing the first few times. Actually, I also find making noise improves the experience.

  9. Heh... I sometimes joke that I "cum like a submarine: silently, and without warning."

    It's not true, though: I'm actually very responsive, especially if you know what to look for. I just DO NOT scream my head off like most of my partners seem to. :)

    How about women who start laughing right when they reach their climax? I've run into that a few times.

  10. I'm pretty quiet, but I tend to be active. In partners, I can handle quiet, or I can handle inactive (well, not totally inactive, plz-k-thx) but not both. If a girl is both quiet and inactive, I will presume I'm doing something wrong. Or at least not doing anything right. Which is quite frustrating.

    Just to finish out the Punnett Square, noisy and active is juuuust fine. :D

  11. I unfortunately fall into the near-silent category, frankly? I wish I wasn't. But like someone above me said about people growing up so their parents wouldn't hear? Yeah....I got to the point where I took pride in what I saw as "stealth wanking" and post leaving home, yeah not much sex has been had so not many chances to really break the habit, and for some reason I've never been loud while masturbating, and maybe it's because I don't want my roommates hearing.

  12. How about women who start laughing right when they reach their climax?

    *Raises hand sheepishly*

    It only happens to me when it's a really, really good one (I'll laugh, or cry, or a mishmash of both). It's a release-of-tension thing. Have you ever been scared shitless by something, only to realize it was totally harmless and break out in giggles? It's kind of the same principle.

    First thought is that [vocalizing during sex is] a lie because you don't naturally make those noises, but it's no more a lie than to learn to say "thank you" when you'd naturally just nod.

    YES! This. Well said.

  13. Very late to this party, I know...

    The guy I'm seeing lately lives with roommates. I am not naturally the quiet sort in bed at all. I can tone it down, except when I come (if it's amazing). At those times, I laugh--long and loud and repeatedly. There's just too much noise inside me, it HAS to come out---so I picked a socially acceptable sound and am going with it.