Monday, August 23, 2010

Short iPod Post: Anticipation.

No matter how experienced I get, sometimes I feel like there's no way to wrap my head around the concept "I will be tortured tonight. I better not be late!" I'm both eager and fearful, and I always question my own sanity a little. I think it's because that's the moment when I reflect how I don't have to do any of this. I could walk away. I could even just ask them not to hurt me. Why the hell am I presenting myself for something that will hurt me?

Before I sound too much like a self-punishing neurotic, I should point out that I have this problem on rollercoasters and waterslides too. Now, I love rollercoasters as pure speedy joy and they don't cause me pain or make me sick. But if they stopped it at the top, after that long racha-racha-racha climb and in sight of the sheer hugeness of the first drop, and offered to let me off if I wanted... well, I wouldn't do it, but I imagine the feeling I'd have saying "no" is a whole lot like this one.

(Rollercoasters are really the perfect kink metaphor. You're strapped in, you're scared but trust there will be no real harm, whether you enjoy them is part psychology and part physiology, and they look so different from the outside than they do when you're on it.)


  1. @Holly's Dom
    Here's something you could do to play off of her anticipation. When she walks up into your dungeon tie her up and get the biggest nastiness flogger you have let her see it, and then hit the wall behind her at full strength. Tell her that the next stroke will be on her back but she won't get it until she begs you for it. See what happens.

  2. Roller-coasters only hurt you if you crash. :P

    Holly, I think the reason you do it is BECAUSE it feels like you described.

  3. Holly has a Dom?

    Holly, congratulations! Why didn't you tell us???

  4. No I don't, I just have play partners. Whether it's okay to refer to them as "Dom" or whether that title is reserved for Very Serious D/s relationships, I don't even know.

  5. By the way, Voldemort - Most people I play with don't have dungeons, don't tie me up, and don't start play with their biggest nastiest weapon at full strength. But the slam-it-on-the-mattress intimidation technique is time-honored, to be sure.