Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Grouchy quiz!

1) You see a girl at a BDSM event and you notice people coming up and manhandling her without so much as a how-do-you-do, to which she reacts with amusement and delight and offers of oral gratification. You should think:

A) "This girl has pre-existing 'manhandle me anytime' understandings with certain people, and if I have to ask I'm not one of them."
B) "This girl is a community manhandling resource and I will be treated just as nicely if I manhandle her."



2) You read a blog written by a woman who's very open about her sexual desires and adventures. Writing her "What is your deepest darkest fantasy?" is:

A) A terrible idea, because you're asking a total stranger to write erotica for your private use for free.
B) A great idea, because the poor lonely girl has probably never gotten the chance to reveal her secret kinky side to anyone before, and opening up about this will flood her with arousal as she's finally able to tell someone--anyone!--that deep down she dreams of someday putting a man's wee-wee in her nu-nu.



3) You know a girl who has fairly ready access to penis, but is still single. This probably means she is waiting for:

A) Someone with a strong personality and attractive body with whom she can form an emotionally intimate bond and also fulfill her rather specific kinky desires.
B) Your penis.

17 comments:

  1. Bad night?
    A
    A
    Well, could go either way. We've never met, so C. Not enough information ; )

    ReplyDelete
  2. RobertM - Good night, actually. Lots of approved manhandling and non-greedy conversation and people with more to offer than a penis! But it threw the bad into sharp relief.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Well, at least it was a ruin the night kind of bad.

    ReplyDelete
  4. HAHAHAHAH! This is like one of those ethics exams where the questions are all like this:

    "You find a blank check on the ground. Do you (a) rip it up and throw it out, (b) forge an amount and signature and take the money and buy crack and smoke it all up, or (c) forge an amount and signature and take the money and buy lottery tickets with it all and if you win, give back from the winnings the amount you wrote on the check to the accountholder."

    Gee. I don't know, that is a tough one!

    ReplyDelete
  5. 1)A Talk to her and see if I am can become one of them.
    2) I don't know. If I asked it would be because I am curious.
    3)UUmm..it doesn't sound like she IS waiting. It sounds like she is getting on with her life.

    ReplyDelete
  6. For #1 I *would* think B purely from visual evidence but would take the path of caution and ask first.

    #2 would require a great deal of personal familiarity with the person before B ever became an option. A.

    #3 is a trick question. The default state of being for most men is to think B under all circumstances. :P

    ReplyDelete
  7. 1) B It's a well-known fact that women in the bdsm community are communal property. If they don't like it they can get them to a nunnery.


    2) B Because after all, Somebody somewhere just has to be into aardvarks and chainsaws, too.

    3) B I mean, if I don't assume that, how do I ever get laid?

    ReplyDelete
  8. Vinnie and Vertel - It's, uh, not a real quiz.

    Jack - I actually wouldn't mind as much if someone said "are you into aardvarks and chainsaws?"--it is a bit much to be asking a total stranger, but considering the "sex blog" context I wouldn't be offended.

    It's when strangers just say "tell me your darkest, naughtiest fantasy" that I get annoyed, because I read that as "write me a story I can wank to." Or, in a best case scenario, "she'll be so aroused because I'm the first man ever to draw her out of her shell," which just shows an amazing lack of perceptiveness.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Alternatively, it could be, basically, "I have no idea what kink is actually like, so I will ask her, that I may (if I am a reasonable person) be enlightened or (more likely, being a douchebag) be able to pretend a sort of connection for to aid in my getting laid."

    ReplyDelete
  10. Usually I ask the question because it's a decent ice-breaker, and sometimes a really interesting thing to know about someone, even if you have and had no interest in playing with them.

    Once in a great, great while, I ask it because they seem like maybe, just maybe, they might be the kind of person into aardvarks and chainsaws (it's like buying a lottery ticket).

    ReplyDelete
  11. With question #1, I'd probably just assume that I am not, and will not be, on any sort of approved persons list and even asking is going to come off as creepy and even if she said yes I wouldn't know if it was out of some sort of perceived obligation to be agreeable rather than because this was actually desired.

    Which probably explains why I don't go to these sorts of events. That, and not knowing the right people, and not being all that into most folks' BDSM.

    Question #2... someone seriously asked that? I'm guessing they were thinking of some script along the lines of answer B, or about being special.

    Question #3... somebody else. Which in the specific case is one of those YKINMK but is fun to read about, and in the general case is that whole "rebuttable presumption of lack of interest" thing.

    I don't get a lot of my fellow straight guys. Well, I get the idea that we're expected to act in haste and apologize at leisure, and for a lot of them that turns into the asshattery described above, but I don't know how many don't have the kind of reservations I do and how many have them and just think that they're supposed to ignore them.

    ReplyDelete
  12. jfpbookworm but I don't know how many don't have the kind of reservations I do

    I sure have those reservations in spades. I think there are a heck of a lot of us. In problematic cases like this we are invisible as we don't draw attention to ourselves. How could anyone know how many didn't bug Holly?

    ReplyDelete
  13. "It's when strangers just say "tell me your darkest, naughtiest fantasy" that I get annoyed, because I read that as "write me a story I can wank to." Or, in a best case scenario, "she'll be so aroused because I'm the first man ever to draw her out of her shell," which just shows an amazing lack of perceptiveness. "

    Um... for all the stuff you say about making your feelings known with words, you're doing a lot of inferring here. Maybe (and this is my occasionally visible hopelessly optimistic side talking) they literally just wanted to know what you would want if all the stops were pulled out, on the off chance that it's something they'd like to do with you.

    I dunno- like I said, my optimism doesn't get out much, and certainly not to your kind of parties. Just my two cents.

    ReplyDelete
  14. When I'm walking down the street, and suddenly someone picks up a stick and charges toward me, swinging the stick toward my head... maybe they want to sweep away the poisonous insect on my shoulder and I need not fear that my brains are about to get dashed in.

    Wouldn't it be pretty to think so.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Jack and Kendal - I'm talking in that one about total strangers who email me out of the blue with "you sound like a pretty kinky girl--what's your deepest darkest fantasy?" It's different if we've been talking about various things and that's one of them, or if we have the potential to actually make fantasies come true. But in the context of random email wankers, I think it's a shallow and demanding question.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Oh... yeah, that changes things. I agree- that's a dumb and irritating thing to do in that situation.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Hershele OstropolerAugust 14, 2010 at 1:12 PM

    "You find a blank check on the ground. Do you (a) rip it up and throw it out, (b) forge an amount and signature and take the money and buy crack and smoke it all up, or (c) forge an amount and signature and take the money and buy lottery tickets with it all and if you win, give back from the winnings the amount you wrote on the check to the accountholder."
    I always assume those test how honestly you're answering. I also figure mine get thrown out because they don't believe anyone's really that honest. I'm not really all that honest, but my momma* brought me up not to steal and shit and in any case I don't think I'm smart enough to not get caught.

    The answer is C, of course.

    * As a New Yorker, I don't actually say "momma."

    ReplyDelete