Saturday, August 7, 2010


I was recently required to take a self-defense and conflict resolution (i.e., Loony Wrasslin') class for work. Before the class they informed us: "Since this class will involve physical contact and roleplaying violent scenarios, if at any time something hurts you or you're uncomfortable with a situation, just say 'blue' and we'll stop immediately and make sure everyone's okay."

I tried very hard not to audibly snicker like a sixth-grader, but I have no doubt my smirk was visible from the Moon.

And I'm very lucky that I never needed the safeword (actually, as younger and stronger and way more gung-ho than most of the other participants, I had way too much fun tossing my coworkers over my hip repeatedly), because I spent the class in mortal terror that I was going to yell out "red" instead of "blue."


  1. (I'm sorry, but I have to.)

    If you had, would it have been a case of... Red vs Blue?



  2. I couldn't have thought of anything else than Matrix. Blue pill or red pill.

  3. My first thought was in breath play blue is bad but you don't actually say it I think.

  4. ...Why blue?

    Also, since there's no reluctance/resistance play involved, why not just have "stop" be the safeword?

  5. If I were ever in a situation that needed a safeword, and could choose my own, I would probably pick "aardvark". If it had to be a color or there was someone present who was a survivor of an aardvark attack, then I would pick "indigo" instead. ;-)

  6. So, Holly, after reading this blog I should say:


  7. Ixr - We were doing roleplays in which some staff played the part of staff yelling at patients to "stop doing that," which the "patients" did not comply with. So it was a good idea to remove ambiguity there.

    Not Me - As a survivor of an aardvark attack, I'm deeply disturbed.



    I couldn't get to the comments section fast enough to suggest that you might scream out 'aardvark' and REALLY fuck with everyone's heads in the class.

    Jack (who goes by Master Aardvark when using a scene name, and whose bedroom is disturbingly littered with aardvark paraphernalia, who has his subs use 'aardvark' as their safeword and who has a wooden paddle [a gift from the second partner] with 'Master Aardvark' engraved on one side and an an aardvark engraved on the other)


  9. Jack, I don't exactly know what a scene name is. Isn't it confusing to have the same word for scene name and safeword?

  10. Thanks for the clarification. That makes more sense.

  11. Mousie762 - A scene name is a name used within the BDSM community, for anonymity and/or because it fits your kink personality better than your given name. (Some of the category 2 cases can be a little goofy. Master Darklord Nightshade and the like...)

    As for the second question, I actually wonder about that, because it seems like "aardvark" could easily be a cry of pleasure in that household...

  12. As for the second question, I actually wonder about that, because it seems like "aardvark" could easily be a cry of pleasure in that household...

    That's exactly the case I was thinking about. So we're not picking on Jack, let's say someone goes by Master Pangolin and requires "pangolin" as the safeword. The dom says, "Are you going to do that again?" and the sub says, "No, Master Pangolin, no!", and the dom either halts immediately or is stuck evaluating context, tone, and expression. And surely the whole point of the safeword is to avoid those puzzles.

  13. Mousie --

    In a case where one is routinely referred to by one's scene, yes, you could easily run into that confusion. In my personal case, I RARELY go by my scene name -- not at all in the last few years in r/l. Occasionally in the past I've been introduced by someone in a scene setting by that name, but I usually then say 'Please, call me Jack.' While I hear the occasional 'Sir' or 'Master' from one of my girls (or anyone else I'm playing with), they (both my girls and also casual play partners) almost invariably address me as Jack, which is my preference.

    So 'Aardvark' works because it's unusual, and because it doesn't sound like a lot of other words and isn't easily mistaken for such. The fact that it's part of my rarely-used scene name, and an animal I like, is just icing. It's actually not a really rare safe word -- I know a couple folks who use it, because it's an uncommon word and odd and amusing.

  14. @Jack:

    Yeah. While I haven't specifically heard of anyone else using it, it's something which has virtually no chance of coming up in resistance play (or just about anything else involving danger or discomfort) and it's very hard to mistake for anything else even if the sub isn't able to speak clearly. Not to mention that the humor factor makes it joltingly incongruous for most in such a situation. This makes it an ideal safeword. Nothing to do with you, I thought that idea years ago. If it's true that other people independently use it, then that's further confirmation that it's a good choice.

    "Indigo" isn't nearly as good (It could sort of be mistaken for "let me go", among other things) I just find the idea of using a more exotic color as a safeword mildly amusing.

  15. Not Me:

    I just find the idea of using a more exotic color as a safeword mildly amusing.

    "Aubergine! Aubergine! AUBERGINE!!!"

  16. " because I spent the class in mortal terror that I was going to yell out "red" instead of "blue." "

    LOL When I read the first paragraph, I thought the same thing.

  17. "Aubergine! Aubergine! AUBERGINE!!!"

    A friend of mine likes to use red foods as safewords. We don't do any resistance play, so I stick with "ow, fuck, don't!" with him, but his girlfriend uses "tomato!"

  18. Auburgine would not work for me, because I would be forced to start singing "boys will be boys, hiding in estrogen and wearing aubergine dreaaaaaaaams" and I'm pretty sure singing Panic! at the Disco counts as edgeplay.

  19. I feel like a safeword should be one syllable. I'm not a sub, but my bf gives me massages and sometimes goes too hard and/or hits a weirdly sensitive area and it's all I can do to choke out the word STOP.

    But then again I have this weird thing where my capacity for speech goes away if I'm feeling huge pleasure or huge pain. Words get all slippery and I have to rummage for the one I want and drag it to the surface. Apparently this doesn't happen to everyone.

  20. @perversecowgirl: I get that too, finding and implementing a word seems beyond my ability at that moment.

    The closest I've ever come to using a safeword: I was being flogged in a public dungeon where "yellow" and "red" were the standards; I was trying to access "yellow," and the first word I came up with was "vanilla." Which I later decided is an *awesome* safeword (but I've still never used it).


  21. Mistress Matisse says that "lawsuit" is one of the most effective safewords. It certainly would tend to get one's attention!