Thursday, July 24, 2014

Let's Read Fifty Shades of Grey: Chapter 23!

The trailer for the FSoG movie is out, and here's my mini-review.  (And one more thought on it.)  I have a weird mix of glee and sorrow that they're making a movie out of this.  I am looking forward to it being so-bad-it's-good, a Showgirls for our time--but I'm also terrified that it's going to give millions of people the idea that BDSM is "abuse but they're perverts so it's okay."  I don't want that.

Based on the trailer, it seems like it will be very faithful to the book, which might work in my favor.  The audience consensus might end up being "wow, when you see this stuff actually acted out it's miserable," and then the whole thing will sink beneath the murky waves from which it arose.  I can hope.

Anyway, we still have four chapters left in this book.  Let's get slogging.  As a reminder, when we left off, THE EMAIL WAS COMING FROM INSIDE THE BAR!!!

Content warnings for this chapter:  Emotional abuse, do I even have to say it?  Stalking, bigtime. Weirdness around drinking.  Child molestation, molestation apologism, and implied (?) physical child abuse.  Period sex.

Also, this is another long-ass entry.
I glance nervously around the bar but cannot see him. “Ana, what is it? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” “It’s Christian, he’s here.” “What? Really?” She glances around the bar too. I have neglected to mention Christian’s stalker tendencies to my mom.
"There are certain things about our relationship that sound like abuse, so I can't ever tell other people because they might think it was abuse, which it's not, but it's important I watch my words because if he thought I was calling him an abuser he might really do something awful."  That's one of your classic warning signs.

(If I sound sardonic, it's only because I've lived it.  Hell hath no fury like an abuser who trusted you with their little secret.)
His bright gray eyes are shining with – anger? Tension? His mouth is set in a grim line, jaw tense. Oh holy shit… no.
"Hooray, my lover's come to surprise me while I'm on vacation!  Look at his smile!  He's coming in for a big hug!  Oh, I'm so happy we can vacation together, we'll have so much fun!"--a purely hypothetical book I would much rather be reading.
He turns to greet my mom. “Mrs. Adams, I am delighted to meet you.” How does he know her name? He gives her the heart-stopping, Christian Grey patented, full-blown-no-prisoners-taken smile. She doesn’t have a hope. My mother’s lower jaw practically hits the table. Jeez, get a grip Mom. She takes his proffered hand and they shake. My mother hasn’t replied. Oh, complete dumbfounded speechlessness is genetic – I had no idea. “Christian,” she manages finally, breathlessly. He smiles knowingly at her, his gray eyes twinkling.
What the hell?  She saw him rage-glaring at her daughter like five seconds ago.

Although maybe she missed that, which makes this even creepier.
Crap – Is he mad? Maybe the Mrs. Robinson comments? Or the fact that I am on my third, soon to be fourth Cosmo?
Every time I think Gorp RaisinNut can't get any more controlling... he gets angry that his girlfriend might have had one too many drinks while she was 3000 miles away from him.

This is one of those "not actually a dominant" things, too.  Like, correct me if I'm wrong, but he never gave her any kind of order about how much she was allowed to drink.  (And when they're together he's usually pouring wine down her throat as fast as he can.)  He just gets all glarey when she breaks the imaginary rule in his head that he never told her about.  She can't win.

There's nothing wrong with playing that way if it's consensual, but I'd classify it more as "emotional sadism", "mindfuck," or "humiliation" than as dominance as I usually understand it.
He reaches over, takes my hand, and squeezes it gently, running his thumb across my knuckles to and fro… and I feel the familiar pull. The electric charge zapping beneath my skin under the gentle pressure from his thumb, firing into my blood stream and pulsing around my body, heating everything in its path.
I glance quickly at Mom who is staring at Christian… yes staring! Stop it Mom. As if he’s some exotic creature, never seen before. I mean, I know I’ve never had a boyfriend, and Christian only qualifies as such for ease of reference – but is it so unbelievable that I could attract a man? This man? Yes, frankly – look at him – my subconscious snaps. Oh, shut up! Who invited you to the party? I scowl at my mom – but she doesn’t seem to notice.
Ana, I'm pretty sure your mom is staring at him because he flew from Seattle to Georgia unannounced to glare and paw possessively at her daughter.

Also, wow--that grammar--sentence structure--was there an editor?--wow.
“I don’t want to interrupt the time you have with your mother. I’ll have a quick drink and then retire. I have work to do,” he states earnestly.
Even if this weren't a milk-spittingly outrageous lie, "earnestly" still wouldn't be the right word.
The waiter arrives with our drinks. “Hendricks, sir,” he says with a triumphant flourish.
"Et voila!  It is... a moderately priced gin!  TA-DAAA!"
“Anastasia, your mother will be back shortly. I’m not comfortable talking about this ["Mrs. Robinson"] now. Later maybe. If you don’t want me here, I have a plane on stand-by at Hilton Head. I can go.” He’s angry with me… no.
"I flew across the country to see you, but hey, no pressure."

It would be so great if she told him to go, though.  Really so great.  Taking people at their word is a powerful tool against passive-aggression, and there's a great satisfaction to be found in resisting the pressure to say "oh, no, please don't go" and instead saying "Wonderful!  I'm so glad you gave me this choice. Call your plane."

(It's on standby?  Like the crew are actually in it poised to leave at any moment?  Being on Dash BlitzDance's air crew must be exasperating. Especially since Hilton Head is a good long way from Savannah.)

Ace Rimmer then gets into a long conversation about "Mrs. Robinson"--which I'm not going to quote much of because it's in that trademark "lots of pained, snippy questions and answers" conversational style I love so much--where he basically says that they're still friends and business partners, and she's not a child molester because he says so.
“I think of her as a child molester, Christian.” I hold my breath waiting for his reaction. Christian blanches. “That’s very judgmental. It wasn’t like that,” he whispers, shocked.
So.  On the one hand, survivors react differently.  It is not immoral or Failing At Feminism or anything else for a survivor to decide how to feel about what was done to them.  If an adult doesn't interpret their experience as molestation, I am very uncomfortable running in and telling them that they're wrong about their own life.

However, Ructabunde Quisquilian is not a real person.  He's a character and the author is the one who decided he should forgive his abuser, and that's not such a simple situation.  In a book with more subtle characterizations, this might be an illustration of "survivors don't always stick to the script."  In this one, I'm worried it really is "hey, sometimes kids don't mind being molested."

...You know, this erotic romance novel really didn't need a child molestation side plot. We could've avoided all of this and been much happier.
Christian sips his drink, watching me closely, his expression guarded. What is he thinking? Did he love her? I think if he did, I will lose it, big time. “Well ladies, I shall leave you to your evening.” No… no… he can’t leave me hanging like this.
Well, what did you expect?  It's not like Mr. Fancy RichPants is going to go home with you and sleep on the futon in the guest bedroom.  So he goes to a hotel room for the night.  You'll live.

I don't like being too harsh on Ana, but she does a whole lot of complaining in this chapter about how they've been apart for two whole days and she's dying for lack of his touch and oh my gosh Ana, you're not a stalker but you might have some minor cling issues of your own.
“Well strike me down with a feather, Ana. He’s a catch. I don’t know what’s going on between you two though. I think you need to talk to each other. Phew – the UST in here, it’s unbearable.” She fans herself theatrically.
Whoa.  Ana's mom ships them.  Whoa.  Weird.

Ana's mom gives Ana a long speech about how obviously she (Ana) is super in love with Christian Bale and all they need to do is talk their problems out, and more or less demands her daughter go up to his hotel room and maybe stay the night.

Holy shit, Ana's mom, way to sell your daughter out when she's very visibly uncomfortable and also this guy just stalked her for 3000 miles.
He’s in a suite, like the one at the Heathman. The furnishings here are ultra modern, very now. All muted dark purples and golds with bronze starbursts on the walls. Christian walks over to dark wood unit and pulls open a door to reveal a mini-bar. He indicates that I should help myself, then wanders into the bedroom.
Either it's "ultra modern, very now" or it's purple and gold and bronze starbursts.  It's not both.  (The Savannah hotel isn't named, but the Heathman is a real place and its suites are mostly cream and gray.)

For someone who was growling at her for her drinking earlier, he sure was quick to go right back to encouraging her to get drunk as soon as it serves his purposes.
“You were so mad at me,” he breathes. “Yes.” “I don’t remember anyone but my family ever being mad at me. I like it.”
The only proper response to "you're so cute when you're angry" is "then right now I'm fucking adorable."
He runs the tips of fingers down my cheek. Oh my, his proximity, his delicious Christian smell. We’re supposed to be talking, but my heart is pounding, my blood singing as it courses through my body, desire, pooling, unfurling… everywhere.
This is concerning.  Maybe you should lay down for a little bit until your heart rate stabilizes and we've dealt with those pools of singing blood.
“Are you bleeding?” He continues to kiss me. Holy Fuck. Does nothing slip by him? “Yes,” I whisper, embarrassed. “Do you have cramps?” “No.” I flush . Jeez… He stops and looks down at me. “Did you take your pill?” “Yes.” How mortifying is this?
Very mortifying.  Not because she has her period--that's just nature--but because of how incredibly weird he's being about it.  Like, my partner will ask me if I have cramps, but that's because he'll give me Advil if I am.  Men O'Rrhagia here seems to just be asking lots of questions because he wants to make her cringe.
He takes my hand and leads me into the bedroom. It’s dominated by a super-king size bed with elaborate drapes. But we don’t stop there. He takes me into the bathroom which is two rooms, all aquamarines and white limestone. It’s huge – In the second room a sunken bath, big enough for four people with stone steps that lead into it, is slowly filling with water. Steam rises gently above the foam, and I notice a stone seat all the way round.
Summary of this passage:

He squeezes my nipples between our thumbs, pulling gently so that they elongate further. I watch in fascination at the wanton creature writhing in front of me.
I once had a contest with Rowdy to see who could get further in reading a FSoG sex scene while hooked up to a speech jammer.  I highly recommend this as a form of "it's 3 AM and nothing seems like a bad idea anymore" entertainment.
He guides my hands down the sides of my body, past my waist to my hips, and across to my pubic hair. He slides his leg in between mine, pushing my feet further apart, widening my stance, and runs my hands over my sex, one hand at a time in turn, setting up a rhythm. It is so erotic. Truly I am a marionette and he is the master puppeteer.
Oh God it's just so beautiful.
He reaches between my legs and pulls on the blue string… what! And… a gently pulls my tampon out and tosses it into the nearby toilet. Holy fuck. Sweet mother of all… Jeez.
They should've sent a poet.
He uncurls from around me, placing me on the floor as he makes to stand. As he does, I notice again the small, round, white scars on his chest. They are not chicken pox, I muse absentmindedly. Grace said he was hardly affected. Holy shit… they must be burns. Burns from what? I blanch at the realization, shock and revulsion coursing through me. From cigarettes? Mrs. Robinson, his birth mother, who? Who did this to him? Maybe there’s a reasonable explanation, and I’m over-reacting – wild hope blossoms in my chest – hope that I am wrong.
In the real world, some spotty burn scars could mean anything from "grease explosion in the kitchen" to "really bad medication reaction."  But in this ultra-simplified world where all things are plot relevant at all times, of course it'll turn out to be from all the horrible trauma that made him into a kinkster.  (I'm guessing birth mother, because she's a cartoon evil woman, whereas Mrs. Robinson is being played unnervingly close to "society just doesn't understand.")

Man, E.L. James really had fun with this guy's history.  "Trust fund baby or tragic deprived past?  Let's do both!"
“I would probably have gone the way of my birth mother, had it not been for Mrs. Robinson.” Oh! I blink at him. Crack addict or whore? Possibly both?
Wow, real sensitive reaction there, Ana.
“She loved me in a way I found… acceptable,” he adds with a shrug. What the hell does that mean? “Acceptable?” I whisper. “Yes.” He stares intently at me. “She distracted me from the destructive path I found myself following. It’s very hard to grow up in a perfect family when you’re not perfect.”
You know what?  I can kind of buy this.  For all the Cullens are nice and rich and... rich and nice, I can see them not being well equipped to care for an adopted son with trauma and abandonment issues and disgracefully unrefined table manners.  And I can see him feeling pretty alienated in his adolescence if people at the country club are getting all "the poor dear is from a disadvantaged background, you know" on him.

It doesn't excuse Mrs. Robinson's behavior and it doesn't excuse how he goes on to treat Ana.  But it does give a pretty relatable explanation for why it might've been easy for someone outside the family to seduce him with a "I'm the only one who really understands you" story.

Anyway, then they have about twelve more rounds of Ana asking variations on "do you like her more than me?" and E. Edward Grey saying stuff that works out to "no, but you should still feel jealous."  They go back and forth for a while before settling back into their usual groove: pressuring Ana to do BDSM.
“You can always safe-word, Anastasia. Don’t forget that. And, as long as you follow the rules, which fulfill a deep need in me for control and to keep you safe, then perhaps we can find a way forward.”
This is one of those paragraphs that's great if you just imagine that it has anything to do with the rest of the book.

Just use your safeword and follow the rules and it'll go great for you!  What do you mean, nobody ever actually gave you a safeword or a workable set of rules?  Pointing that out is topping from the bottom and I won't have any of it.
“Why do you need to control me?” “Because it satisfies a need in me that wasn’t met in my formative years.” “So it’s a form of therapy?” “I’ve not thought of it like that, but yes, I suppose it is.” This I can understand. This will help.
Ergh.  No.  BDSM is not an illness nor is it a therapy.  (And it sure as hell isn't both, because how would that even work.)  BDSM can be therapeutic in some ways, but that isn't more important than the need to play safely and consensually, and it isn't ethical to use people for therapy without their knowledge.

Anyway, this seems to imply that the need that wasn't met in his formative years was to get everything he wanted whenever he demanded it.  So, um, poor dear.

They fuck some more in the bathtub and it's pretty standard.  He calls her "baby" a lot.  Not much to say about this except that it's pleasant and consensual (as consensual as things can be when we all know how it would go if Ana said no to him).  Which just makes me worry when the next shoe is going to drop.
And I come, my orgasm ripping through me, a turbulent, passionate, apogee that devours me whole.
If you're playing the home game, that's five metaphors in sixteen words!  Ms. James may have just set a regional record!
“What do you want to do?” he asks. 
He smiles. 
“About what?” 
“What stuff?” 
“What about me?”
This is why I don't copy most of their conversations.  They're so guarded and tight-lipped with each other, even their pillow talk reminds me of those scary notices on Armed Forces Radio about how if you're captured you should only give your name, rank, and serial number.

Whenever they talk, you get the whole page but you only need the left three inches.
“All submissives in training, when I was training. There are places in and around Seattle that one can go and practice. Learn to do what I do,” he says.
HEY!  NO!  PARTY FOUL!  You do not get to mention the CSPC in this book!

The CSPC ("The Wet Spot") is the Seattle playspace where I began my kink career.  (Which is very different from "being in training."  I mean, they provided a space, safety guidelines, and occasional classes.  They weren't, like, putting me through organized Submission Exercises until I earned my black hankie.)  It's a very nice space and resource for the community and I don't want it even being mentioned in this book, much less reduced to some sort of weird Sub Training Facility.

Ah well.  Odds are E.L. James didn't actually mean the CSPC, because:
Doylist - That would've required research.  Easier to handwave and just say "there's places."
Watsonian - The CSPC has standards of behavior and would've kicked out a creeper like Kidney BoneThrust five minutes into his first party.
What? “Oh.” I blink at him. “Yep, I’ve paid for sex, Anastasia.”
Okay, they'd better not mean the CSPC, because I am absolutely certain the CSPC does not provide rent-a-sub services.

Not a lot of places do, really.  Professional subs exist, but as far as I know, they're a lot less common than pro-doms, and very unlikely to have sex with their clients.  (EDIT: Some pro-subs do have sex with their clients.)

Sex and sex work do happen in a lot of BDSM spaces, but the main purpose of the spaces is for kinky people to mingle and play.  They're not like... whatever E.L. James thinks they're like.  They're not places you can drop in and book the next available sub you want to practice angry sex on.
“You didn’t wear your panties to meet my parents.” “Did that shock you?” “Yes.”
She didn't wear her panties because you'd stolen them and wouldn't give them back, dick.  Way to get all "whoa, that sure was wild of you" about something you forced her to do.

The rest of this chapter isn't half bad, though.  (It's all bad! OHOHOHO!)  Ana and Yeasty PottleDeep have something resembling emotional intimacy--he coughs up some actual details about his life and emotions, and she says she enjoys some of the BDSM stuff they do, and asks for more.

It's all a lot of E.L. James going "Ana had some character development where she became more open to BDSM.  She did.  Right back there.  You must've missed it."  But at least it means a break in the overt abuse, and I'll take that however I can get it.


  1. To be fair, the local airport is called Savannah/Hilton Head International, which would be mitigating if I thought Ms. James had done any research.

  2. Hi Cliff! I don't usually comment here, but I wanted to drop you a note because I am a pro-sub. I am also an escort, and I do have sex with most of my clients. I wouldn't make enough money to get by if I only took kink-only no-sex clients, although I do have some. Also, in my area, getting paid for acts that are deemed "abusive" (eyeroll) can still get you arrested for prostitution, so there's no legal benefit to not having sex with my clients. I don't have any numbers on this, of course, but I think pro-subs tend to be a little less strict on the no-sex thing than pro-doms. Not all of them, of course!

    Pro-subs are a lot less common than pro-doms. I'm sure that's partly for safety reasons. I put my kinky clients through pretty rigorous screening before I let them tie me up or anything. I also think it's partly cultural. Most clients are men, and in our culture, it's easier for men to find a partner to explore dominant desires than to explore submissive ones, at least outside of kinky circles. A lot of heterosexual women will find "I'd like to try spanking you" a lot less weird and objectionable than "I'd like it if you spanked me," because we're socialized to consider that un-manly.

    I'm slightly involved in the local kink scene, but I've never looked for clients there. If Pecs ButtScratch had wanted to hire me, he'd have much better luck going through an escort or pro-fetish advertising site than trying to find me at a kink event. (And if he tried to talk to me the way he talks to Ana, I'd never book a session with him.)

    -Anonymous Sex Worker

    1. Ah. I didn't know much about pro-submission, so I appreciate the perspective. Thanks!

    2. No problem! Btw, you are super awesome and your blog is amazing. =) -ASW

  3. Pitty, I kind of liked the idea of a BDSM training montage:
    *A young Cliff and an old Asian dude in latex and black leather.*
    "I've come to learn the Seven-Slaps-Exploding-Clit-Technique!" *cut*
    "No, no! Wax on, spank... wax off, spank..." *cut*
    "This Hattori Hanzō riding crop has been in my family for seven generations..."

  4. What.a.dick. That tampon is going to clog the hotel's plumbing now. Ass.

    Also, I definitely shit a brick last time I watched Secretary and realized James Spader's character's name is a mix of Edward Cullen and Christian Grey. Coincidence? I don't think s......well, yeah, okay, probably just a coincidence, but it still freaked me out.

    1. This is exactly what my first thought was, too (the tampon clogging the plumbing thing).

    2. Uhm, no, tampons don't clog toilets, women flush them all the time. They're meant to be flushed. The wrapper and the applicator used to insert the tampon isn't flush able, but the actual tampon he pulled out of her body is definitely able to be flushed down the toilet without clogging it up.

    3. I think it must depend on how old/powerful the plumbing is? I definitely grew up with "you never flush a tampon" and I think we had to call the plumber one time when a guest did, but then we also had these low-flow efficient toilets that didn't work so well in general. (I've traveled places where you can't even flush toilet paper, but I've never seen that in the US.)

    4. No, you should never flush a tampon. You *can* flush wrappers and cardboard applicators, but not plastic applicators. Wrappers aren't bulky enough to block plumbing in most parts of North America, and cardboard will get soggy and disintegrate. Plastic won't break down, so if it turns at the wrong angle in the pipes, it'll get stuck. Tampons, being designed to absorb liquid, will swell up and form a clog. Some friends of mine who lived in a sharehouse during university had to call the plumber on the regular because someone was flushing tampons, and apparently plumbers even have a nickname for this phenomenon: (CN: it's gross)

      Red mice.

    5. I flushed tampons all the time when I was young, and nothing bad ever came of it AFAIK, but once I got older, the "never flush a tampon rule" appeared. Might lean support to the theory that it depends on the kind of plumbing you have, or the kind of toilet - modern toilets use far less water than older ones. Although I've think I've heard the reason that it's mainly in order not to cause problems at the... don't know the English for it... the facility where all the flushed water and shit and stuff eventually ends up, where they cleanse the water so that it can be released back into nature?

    6. Child of an engineer part 1

      The only things I flush are the things that come out of my body and toilet paper. Nothing else.

      One of my parents is a water/sewage/waste engineer and we've had some discussions about why this is important. I live in Sweden so this might not be correct for all countries but from what I've understood these are some reasons why tampons and other stuff should never be flushed:
      Toilet paper dissolves in water, tampons (and everything made out of cotton, non-TP paper, cardboard, plastic, baby wipes, make up removal pads, q-tips etc) do not. Even if you never experience clogging in your own house things may still clog further down the line. Infrastrucure for water and sewage is very costly to build, and since it's such a large investment they are built to function up to 100 years into the future, depending on what kind of infrastructure (piping, sewage tunnels, pumping stations, reservoirs, sewage treatment plants etc). Since they have to not only service the needs of today but also the needs of the future, the architects must try to foresee what will be needed, in terms of capacity and flow (flow is very important: building a sewage infrastructure dependant on pumps means that if there is a power shortage that affects the pumps, the sewage will start to flow in the wrong directions and people will end up with shit fountains in their basements.).

      For example: the region around Stockholm is serviced mainly by the treatment plant of Henriksdal and a lot of the infrastructure was put in place 1940-1960. Around this time there was a huge wave of urbanisation and a disregard for the fact that fresh water is a finite resource. So the architects built systems with a private water consumtion of 400 litres a day per person in mind for 2 million people, and today we have a consumtion od 250 litres a day for 1,5 million people. Saving water is necessary, but if we look at the large capacity sewage tunnels there is a problem with sewage not flowing properly, because there is less water and more solid objects per volume unit of sewage today. Since the flow is slower and there is so much garbage that should not be there things pile up.

      This also complicates things at the sewage treatment plant stage of the process. Sewage is cleansed in several stages but one of the first stages is the removal of bio-sludge. The sludge should consist of fecal matters and toilet paper particles and other degradable components, which should make it ideal for compost and fertilizer. But nope, the sludge is full of non-degradable stuff (although tampons are made of cotton and cotton is degradable, cotton needs a lot of time to degrade) and since people also flush chemicals down the drain the sludge is also too toxic to be used as compost or fertilizer.

    7. Child of an engineer part 2

      Remember when I wrote that flow is important? Earlier, sewage piping systems where built using gravitation as a factor: build concrete piping where the sewage will flow downwards without any help.
      During the late 80's early 90's there was a shift in building ideals - instead of building with nature and using elevation (where the sewage of several neighbourhoods are collected at a main pumping station at a suitable low point) we are now using pressurized sewage piping to a much higher degree. Which means that separate houses may have separate sewage pumps. These pumps consists of several components and most of them aren't built to withstand anything other than what comes out of the human body and toilet paper. Examples:
      -rubber seals. These can be harmed by gravel and sand
      -moving parts. If a baby wipe, tampon, condom, or q-tip gets stuck in one of these moving parts, the parts won't stop moving. Instead the q-tip or whatever it is pulled and stretched around until the moving parts are all wrapped up. Then they stop moving and the sewage stops moving or flows back the wrong direction (if the pump is situated at a higher elevation than the house it might result in shit flooding in the house). I have heard this from people who with their own hands opened up the pump and had to remove a q-tip that had completely ensnared the pump. This was in a new multi-apartment house with new plumbing, but because of a single piece of plastic with little cotton wads on the end, things got backed up.

      This is today still pretty rare, because the vast majority of the sewage system was put in place during the era when elevation was the most important factor for considering where you put the pipes. But when those part of the system will be replaced and when new systems are built and added more and more will be dependant on pumps keeping up a pressure, an ever increasing part of the complete sewage system will be more dependant on things that could be broken by things that should not be in the sewage.

    8. Child of an engineer part 3

      Of course, things look different in different parts of the world, and there are regional variations within countries. But a main rule should be to not flush anything that isn't biodegradeable, and to not flush things that are solid or toxic. And if you have only heard by rumor that it's ok to flush certain objects, you should avoid flushing anything but toilet paper (even toilet paper create clogs in some parts of the world) until you can get a confirmation from people who know what they're talking about. Everybody is going to be put in a difficult situation someday and have to flush something that shouldn't be flushed, but please use a waste bin if you can. And if you don't have a waste bin in the bathroom of your home, get one. Even if you don't need it guests might.

    9. Child of an engineer part 4 last one I swear

      Fat. It's not toilet related, but pouring fat down the kitchen sink should be avoided, since most types of fat becomes solid when cooled off. Thus creating fat-plugs in the pipes. And they might start to rot and attract rats and different kinds of vermin. Rotting sewage fat is not a smell you would like to smell. And if the fat start to decompose in a oxygen free environment, sulphuric acid compounds are created in the breakdown process. The sulphuric acid can corrode most types of pipes, even concrete pipes. This is mostly a problem for restaurants and grocery store that produce larger amounts of fat, but please wipe the bacon frying pan wth some paper before cleaning it.

    10. Child of an Engineer - are you on a Crusade or have a fetish?! You are very involved with this whole sewerage thing.

      Yes, defo shouldn't flush tampons!

    11. Passion is beautiful, even passion about sewage :) (And judging by what I find on bdsmlibrary, sewage-related fetishes are not uncommon)

      I'm disturbed by the knowledge that infrastructure is being "upgraded" to infrastructure that is more fragile, though. It seems axiomatic to me that the system should be designed to handle what actually comes down the pipes, rather than the output of theoretical ideal model citizens.

    12. Child of an engineer here:

      No it's not a fetish. Seriously? I just find it interesting and I've spent some time at the water/sewage/recycling/waste office doing archiving stuff. And i'm thinking of maybe studing to become an engineer in that field. It's not like I hump Henriksdal sewage treatment plant (even if it's one of Europe's largest partly subterraenan sewage treatment facilities!), I'm just fascinated by the large scale of water/sewage infrastructure. Especially the time scales, things being planned out and built today must take climate change related issues (rise of water level, higher peaks in rain water levels, larger risk of droughts) into consideration, even if the effects will not be visible for 10-20 years. Still, calculations must be made and the possibilities of the future is being considered.

      Amtep, upgrading to a more fragile infrastructure is dangerous in some ways, but pressurized sewage pipes have their strong points as well. Houses can be built in places that earlier would have been impossible or extremely costly to connect to the sewage/water pipe infrastructure. Which means that houses that earlier had solutions of their own, like sewage tanks or simply letting all the shit out into the nature , now can have their waste properly processed. Sweden have a very long coast bordering the Baltic Sea, and along the coast is a lot of houses that use crude solutions where a lot of the phoshpor and nitrogen based nutrients end up in the Baltic or in other bodies of water. There is already a large excess of phosphor and nitrogen in the Baltic which is causing what i believe is called a bottom-up effect in the ecosystem: the ecosystem becomes unstable due to the massive increase of biomass in the bottom part of the food chain (the algae become to many relative to the other parts of the ecosystem). At the same time the Baltic suffers a top-down effect as well (top predators of the food chain, mostly cod, salmon, predatory birds, are too few due to excessive fishing and a number of toxic substances and chemicals killing of the top predators. Dioxins are one of the chemicals that have caused a lot of damage to top predators, in the Baltic region, human and other animals alike). The coupled effect of bottom-up and top-down and excesses of nitrogens and phosphors is a fucking explosion of algea biomass, and this really disrupts the whole ecosystem. For example, when a whole fuckton of algea sinks to the bottom and starts to decompose, oxygen is consumed in the decomposition process. And when all the oxygen is used up, decomposition continues, but now with acidic compounds as a by-product. This is in Swedish refered to as "bottendöd", "death of seabed". When a section of seabed has "died" in this manner it's very difficult for the traditional species of the ecosystem to reclaim this part of the seabed. Not only the seabed itself is affected, the water mass some meters above the dead seabed will also be devoid of oxygen. And as the Baltic is a brackish sea with low saline levels, things also float at a lower level below the surface compared to the saltier waters of for example the Atlantic, which leads to organisms that lack means of propulsion might drift into these areas of dead seabed and die due to lack of oxygen. Any species that produce eggs that float in the water are harmed by this, even if they never set foot, fin or tentacle on the seabed.

      tl;dr: infrastructure might be more fragile, but there might be positive effects in other areas.

    13. Child of an engineer, cont:

      Amtep, I wanted to adress what you wrote about that systems should be made to handle what is actually flushed instead of being based in a an ideal citizen.

      My thoughts are that it sounds reasonable at first, but then you have to take into account that a large part of the existing infrastructure must be rebuilt. That's decades, close to a century of work that must be redone all over to a unimaginable cost. Also, if everyone flushes whatever they like, the waste processing plants will have to deal with a big amount of waste that will be difficult and costly to deal with. We will end up with a mountain of poop and tampons and plastic laced with pharmaceuticals residues and paint thinner! And that's only the solid parts of the sewage. The ambition is to cleanse the sewage to such a degree that it can be released into the nature. But what if the sewage is too polluted to be cleansed within the sewage treatment plant, even when the solids are removed? Or if it can be cleansed, but only with very costly means? Then we will not only have the mountain of Polluted Plastic Poop but also the vast Ocean of Nasty to deal with.

      It might be that since i'm too heavily influenced by my engineer parent i can't imagine the current infrastructure to look different than how i understand they look today. But from what i know and think i know today, to let everybody flush whatever they would like will lead to bigger costs and difficulties compared to the cost and difficulties in educating the public so that the levels of things-that-shouldn't-be-in-the-sewage are kept at a manageable level.
      There are regular public awareness campaigns. One i remember from several years ago had posters of a group of protesting toilet seats, holding up picketing signs with "JAG TAR BARA SKIT" ("i only take shit!") written on them.

    14. @Dvarghundspossen: I too grew up with the idea that you *could* flush tampons--in fact, it was used as a selling point when people wanted to convince me to switch from pads to tampons (early nineties). I didn't encounter the "never flush them" thing till many years later and felt like I'd missed a whole sea-change in How To Be a Girl.

      Kelly L

    15. This "child of an engineer" stuff made me laugh.

  5. Aaw Cliff, no! Don't bring Ace into this! He's legit everything Christian wishes he could be and more! Although taken ironically, that's a good one.

    Oh man, I forgot about the bathtub scene. Somehow the idea of two people in a relationship having a super tense conversation/argument in the bathtub naked seems really funny to me. Like, I wish there was a comedy flick with like, Seth Rogan and Charlize Theron naked in the tub together having a ridiculous, angry fight about something.

    Reading this has been like seeing Toto pull the curtain back on the Oz the Great and Powerful for the first time. I can't not think of Christian as some Big Scary Powerful Man Who Is Even Scarier Because Hitting Sex. He's just a bratty, awful little kid, stomping around in one of his dad's suits. You're killin' it Cliff!

    1. Ana would be MUCH better off teamed up with Ace! He's every woman's (and man's) DREAM! :-D

  6. Ok, my analysis of Christian's issues with her drinking...

    He tends to pressure her to drink when he wants sex. It's one of the many charmingly abusive things he does. So in his mind, Ana drinking == Ana sexxing, and that's why he gets so angry when she drinks outside his control. It's practically cheating!


  7. “Are you bleeding?” He continues to kiss me. Holy Fuck. Does nothing slip by him? “Yes,” I whisper,
    embarrassed. “Do you have cramps?” “No.” I flush . Jeez… He stops and looks down at me. “Did you take
    your pill?” “Yes.” How mortifying is this?

    Very mortifying. Not because she has her period--that's just nature--but because of how incredibly weird he's being about it. Like, my partner will ask me if I have cramps, but that's because he'll give me Advil if I am. Men O'Rrhagia here seems to just be asking lots of questions because he wants to make her cringe.

    I think she forgot for this bit that he's not supposed to be a vampire.

    1. I believe, and I'm so sorry for knowing this, that menstrual blood doesn't "count"* for Twilight vampires because it's "dead blood," so canonically Edward isn't affected by Bella's menstrual blood. Of course, it's a toss-up whether E.L.James knew this.

      *ah ha ha! one bloody tampon! ONE! ah ah ha!

    2. Ahaha this is the funniest and also saddest comments. I am so sorry it is now a fact I can't get out of my brain too.

      So here's a better fact: menstrual blood is a lot of tissue, anticoagulants, and other enzymes and things that help digest the lining...Vampire poison? Feels way less gross to know this than Twilight trivia either way.

    3. Now that I think of it, shouldn`t she be off the pill now that she is bleeding? Or is it a different kind of pill he is implying and not the hormonal contraception? Or does E.L.James want to emphasize that they are still having safe sex, with period and all?

    4. Period drama: you're writing it wrong.

    5. +1, would *snrch* again.

    6. Turboferret - People can have erratic periods on the mini-pill, especially when they're first starting. So it is possible for her to be bleeding mid-pill-cycle.

      Arctic Ape - so beautiful.

    7. You're supposed to take mini-pills each day. It's the combined pill that you don't take for a few days each cycle (although most brands will have placebos you take instead, so as not to break the "taking a birth control pill each day"-habit).

      SPOILER: Another difference is that it's easier to get pregnant when you're on mini-pills if you happen to slip up a little bit. Which is the out-universe reason (I don't know what the in-universe reason is) for Ana being on the mini-pill rather than the combined one, since she's gonna get pregnant later on.

    8. Cliff thank you for enlightening me, I had almost forgotten the "women bleed for 101 reasons" thing, despite it happening to me on several occasions. All of them checked out - I`m a responsible lady-bits owner :D
      Dvärghundspossen: Ana will get pregnant? Will Ana have body autonomy to decide herself what to do with the pregnancy? Will she be pressured into her decision? Why do I think she will? Just why?

    9. Don't remember much about it except that Meat McMansteak throws a tantrum

    10. I thought this too. Like, why would he be able to tell while she was fully dressed? I eventually decided it was a leftover vampire-y scene she'd forgotten to take out.


    11. Actually, most birth control pills have a weeks worth of "placebo" pills which you take daily when you are on your period. They generally consist of iron and vitamins that are depleted during menstruation.

  8. Wow. Just wow. Only two more chapters, right? Also, I need to learn to tie knots. I now feel ashamed of my handiwork last time I tied my wife down.

    1. Three more. I counted wrong. :(

      This youtube channel is a good resource for bondage knots:

      As is just taking a lot of time to experiment and tie the hell out of teddy bears and table legs and yourself (put some common sense into that one and don't practice inescapable hogties alone with the oven on or anything) and anything else you've got handy.

    2. Also see if you can find videos from the Two Knotty Boys (they used to be on YouTube but I don't think they are anymore). Also books from them, Lee Harrington, and Midori are very helpful :)

    3. +1 for Lee Harrington.

  9. Wow... am I the only vagina-owning person who shuddered at the tampon-removal thing? He pulls it out by the string without warning her? At best, that'd probably hurt, at worst, the string breaks and the next chapter is about their sexy sexy emergency room visit because Ana (understandably) panics and can't get it out.

    And while I hate to be a pessimist, I'm really not convinced that people seeing the movie (even if it's completely true to the book) will notice how fucked up the relationship is. Example time! There's a scene in the movie Bladerunner where Decker and Rachel (Harrison Ford and an actress whose name escapes me) have sex... or at least that's what I thought they were doing at the time. Last year I happened to watch the same scene with the sound turned off, and it's definitely a rape scene. She says "no", he uses physical force, and it's generally pretty upsetting to watch.

    But here's the thing: when I initially watched it, my expectations about what happens in a movie (hero and the woman he saves fall in love) and the musical score, both told me that the scene I was watching was supposed to be romantic... so that's what I saw, and my brain glossed over what was really happening. I've since shown the scene without music to some other people, and they had a similar "wake up moment"; so it might have been partly due to my being young and uninformed when I first watched it, but it's not entirely due to that.

    tl;dr It seems tragically plausible to me that people will watch the elevator scene of Christian menacing Ana, having her say no, and all the associated creepy and abusive stuff... and walk out of the theatre saying "wasn't it hot when he pushed her against the wall and kissed her like that?"

    1. I admit I'm baffled that people go to the emergency room for a "lost" tampon. (I'm not saying people don't do that, just that it kinda mystifies me.) Back when I had just started this "getting periods" thing, I would worry about "what if I lose the string and can't get the tampon out?", but over time I realized that I was dealing with a close-ended system that is not that deep, so even if the tampon got itself wedged all the way up and the "bear down on the toilet and push it out" trick didn't work, I could simply reach up and just fish it out. It could only go so far.

      But when I mention that to others, I often get horrified looks and an adamant "oh god, I could never do that!" And it kinda makes me sad, because... these are our own bodies? Are we really so alienated from our body that we can't touch our own genitals? To the point where getting medical help is preferable? (Not to say that there could never be a situation where a tampon does get lost/wedged enough to need medical help, just that several people have assured me they would never even try to fish for it first because "I just couldn't possibly", and indeed reacted to the mere suggestion as if it had never occurred to them and was utterly unthinkable.)

      Agree 100% with everything else in your comment, though! Heck, even agree that Ana would likely go to the emergency room, because it's not like she is particularly comfortable with her "down there".

    2. It used to baffle me, but after a while I realized that actually, my attitude of "whatever, I'll jam my whole hand up there" is actually the less common one.

      And hey, there's things I feel weirdly about (try getting me to touch a fish sometime. just try it.) that other people don't, so I figure we've all got our things. Body-shame is definitely part of how squeamishness around genitals develops for a lot of people, but once it's developed, it's a thing I have to respect.

      Also, some of the tampons we've pulled out in the ER, I tell ya, it took three hours and a team of horses.

    3. I've never lost a tampon, BUT: If I did, I'd definitely try to get it out myself, but I fear I might just fail and end up having to need help getting it out. I would totally WANT to get it out myself, because shit it would be embarrassing to have someone else do it, but... not sure if I could?

      Like, I'd have to try to pinch it between two fingers, and maybe it would just keep slipping out? Since a couple of fingers is what I can get in there, I mean... As for jamming your whole hand up there... how is that supposed to WORK? Physically? It's not that big an opening, I mean? (Yeah, I've been reading this blog for a long time, and Cliff has written about being fisted, but everytime I read something like that I'm once again like "Huh? How does that work, physically?") (And yeah, I know that babies come out of there, but babies do tend to tear people up, right?)

    4. I used to use (stringless) sea sponge tampons. I wish I could try fisting but I am not certain that I am physically capable of it. (Maybe in the future after a baby?) Anyway, I found that the easiest way to remove a tampon that does not have a string is to insert two fingers into the vagina and locate the cervix, then gently push/roll the tampon forward until it is easy to grasp. The trick is to have your fingers behind the tampon so that you aren't pushing it further back.

    5. Music has a lot to do with how we experience a movie. If the music is romantic, scary, comedic, tense, we assume the scene to be those things. When a character enters a scene, the music tells us if he or she is good or evil, happy or horny or miserable. So my analysis is that the music is going to do its damnedest to make this fucked up relationship between Ana and Cronk Beefwise seem passionate, hedonistic, and edgy, but not abusive. That would require, say, the sort of surreal and unsettling banging of a horror movie soundtrack, and not Super-Sexed-Up-Bedroom-Voiced-Beyonce.

    6. Babies don't usually "tear people up" unless they're extraordinarily large or the birth was super-fast. Tears happen, but eh. They're usually about as deep as a papercut. Vaginas are very stretchy, if given enough time to stretch.

      As for fisting your own vag, well, I could get A fist in my vag, but not MY OWN fist. My arms don't bend that way. If I had a stuck tampon, I'd go for a pair of tongs, a mirror, and a really bright flashlight.

    7. If they're usually just as deep as a papercut, I sure know some unlucky women...

    8. And upon reading your comment I obviously had to check how my arms bend in relation to my vag, and I seriously don't think the angle of any joints would be a problem.

      Whatever, I've used tampons for 26 years now and never lost one, so it's probably never gonna happen. :-D

    9. YES, minuteye, that Bladerunner scene is super manipulative and rapey. It's not just "I heard that no and will fuck you anyway", it's "ignoring your no, I will make you ask me to touch you so that I am freed of all blame for what's about to happen against your will". Gross gross gross. Actually, that whole film was bonkers and I still am not sure why it is so widely regarded as one of the best scifi movies of all time. Bizarre.

      I also am in full agreement re: surprise tampon removal. Sounds like a good way to kill all that sexy sexy masturbating puppet foreplay buildup they had going on right before that.

  10. Who says 'Yep' when they're supposed to be Super Classy Rich Gentleman Who Pays For Sex Sometimes?

  11. Was the original fanfic written for Nanowrimo? That kind of dialogue can really pad the wordcount...

    (It would explain the full-length contract and all the email headers too)

    1. If this account is accurate, it could also explain the word-count increasing dialogue.


  12. "but I'm also terrified that it's going to give millions of people the idea that BDSM is "abuse but they're perverts so it's okay.""

    But millions of people already have that idea, and millions more that "BDSM is abuse and they need to be rescued from it". Mightn't this be a *slight* improvement?

    ..................also, why aren't blockquote tags allowed?!

    1. I have to disagree. "BDSM is abuse and people need to be rescued" is at least an empathetic response based on the understanding that abuse is bad no matter who the victim is. "BDSM is abuse but they deserve it because they're perverts" implies that abuse is sometimes okay or that victims get off on it, which, ick.

    2. Yeah. While I don't like "BDSM is always abuse" (although I might be more tolerant if it ever involved any actual rescue attempts instead of snarking at the people they just called abuse victims), this is worse. This is "abuse is okay if..." and there are no good endings to that sentence.

      Also, there aren't blockquotes in comments because Blogger software was last updated in roughly 1993. Sorry. Italics tags do work in comments.

    3. I didn't watch the whole thing, because I don't have 43 minutes to spare right now, but I suspect it's one of two things:

      1) Well, it's media representation where we're not involved in a murder case. We're pretty desperate for that.

      2) E.L. James has a habit of writing that consent happened, without writing the actual consent part. Like, Swab CottonStick will hit Ana without asking her and she'll think about how much she hates it... but later they'll reflect on how consensual it was, isn't their consensual BDSM lovely. It can trick you if you're not reading closely and critically.

    4. I can't blame you if you decide not to, the second couple they interview say some OK things. But the first couple share this gem:

      "[My fiance] was a little bit different than most of the guys I dated. He had crazy skills like, he could cook...he was this really complex guy. Not just 'I play football.'"

      I can totally see why FSoG appeals to people who either only see stereotypes or are stuck in a culture where cooking is an exotic skill for their partner to have.

    5. Different anon here.

      I watched the video, and, yeah it seems most of them are just glad BDSM is becoming more talked about, and people aren't being quite so judgmental about it. For that matter, not many of them even talked about the book that much. There were some issues (the one couple not using safewords, for one), but for the most part it seemed pretty okay (I'm not exactly the best person to ask though, considering I'm pretty new to all this stuff myself).

      On the other hand, the comment section I would label as questionable at best. I ended up ranting at someone who said all women are naturally submissive. I have run into that view one too many times today when looking at people talking about this book.

  13. All this on rope tying reminded me of the webcomic Sunstone, in which Marianne (an inexperienced sub) tied herself up as a surprise for her Dom, but she did it in that way that tightens when you pull on it. So she basically cuts off her own circulation. Luckily, her Domme friend stops by, who is a rope top, and calls an ambulance. It's a really tense scene because Ally can't untie Marianne until the EMTs get there in case a blood clot formed and Marianne is sobbing and safewording like there's no tomorrow. Anyway, it's a great comic and everyone should read it. They have munches! And go to clubs and parties! And Ally is the most adorable thing ever!

    1. *Puts on ex-EMT hat* You should really untie someone as soon as you can, though. "What if they have a blood clot" is a much smaller concern than just getting blood back into their limbs ASAP.

      Sorry to nitpick; I appreciate non-idealized, non-demonized depictions of BDSM in media. I just have this hat...

    2. Ooh, I read Sunstone too. Actually, before I got acquainted with FSoG. If they should make a movie about BDSM it should be Sunstone and not this...whatever this is.

  14. "...apogee that devours me whole"???

    1. The carnivorous apogee is one of the most feared predators known to man.

    2. Ow, you made me laugh so hard it hurt.

  15. **Applauds Cliff's recaps**

    I really don't think 'elongate' is the right choice of word, generally speaking, if you're trying to write a Steamy Sex Scene. I'm now picturing Ana's nipples making a cartoon stretching noise, like a catapult being used in 'Tom and Jerry' or something, and possibly being made of rubber. Or cheese.

    Also, ''pushing my feet further apart, widening my stance''... yes, yes, thank you, I think we can all work out that pushing someone's feet apart will cause their stance to widen without needing to have it spelled out for us.

    I can't believe there are people out there who actually think these books are well-written.

    1. Oh, i don't know What could be more erotic than a "wide stance," with its tantalising implications of illicit Idaho politician airport bathroom sex?

  16. I just wanted to stop by and thank you for suffering through this for us, Cliff. Now I can make informed arguments about *exactly* why these books are awful without actually having to read them myself. :)

  17. Last night my girlfriend and I watched an episode of MST3K on Netflix. Because the sound on my computer is shitty, I couldn't really hear the movie, and had to more or less reconstruct it from the commentary by Joel and the bots.

    Replace "inaudible" with "distasteful and morally repellent," and "Joel and the bots" with "Cliff," and that's pretty much how I'm reading 50SoG. I'm skimming the excerpts, reading just enough to contextualize the comments. I'm probably getting a better overall experience this way.

  18. "My mother’s lower jaw practically hits the table. Jeez, get a grip Mom. She takes his proffered hand and they shake."

    That made me start laughing at my desk, because I imagined Hunk McSteakpants and Ana's mom hand-in-hand, just vibrating at each other.

    1. Took me a minute to see what you were seeing, but it was worth a lol once I did. :-)

  19. don't know the English for it... the facility where all the flushed water and shit and stuff eventually ends up, where they cleanse the water so that it can be released back into nature?

    Wastewater treatment plant or sewage treatment plant.

  20. She's spent the entire book all gaga over this guy, and she wants her mom to "get a grip"? Sheesh.

  21. I think I'm one of maybe five female assigned individuals who has not read and will not read FSoG. Not on the basis of principle, I just have other things to do with my time.

    Have you seen this infographic/explanation? I think it hit the issues with the book squarely on the head.

  22. Somewhere in a previous post someone (or several someones) commented with a bunch of better alternatives to this book for people looking for kink in their fiction. I can't find those comments now because I am made of dipshit, so... links to better alternatives? The response when I say to friends 'don't read it' is 'so give me something better' and I'd like to actually follow through on that.

  23. Incredibly minor nit-pick: why does Ana's tampon have a 'blue string'? The string's white for every brand I've ever used. I was wondering if it could be an American brand that I don't know because I'm British, but E. L. James can't even do the most basic research into American society and speech patterns, so why would she focus on the tampon brands?

    More serious nitpick (as just one example of all the horribleness in this book): I think it's terrifyingly plausible that Crash MacSlamKnob's explanation for the 'I've paid for BDSM sex' statement is 'I've hired vanilla sex workers, turned the session into BDSM play without their consent and don't see that as assault because they were whores like Mother.'

    Also, Cliff, your recaps are the best! You really pull off combining humour and serious analysis of abuse.

    1. Re: minor nitpick: The UK Lil-lets brand uses blue strings, for one, so it could be another Britishism. Unfortunately there's no 'Holy crap! Now I'll have to fumble with the infuriating twist-off wrapper for hours until I can finally get myself a new down-there device! Truly Christian Grey is a master of suspense!'

    2. I'm in Canada and there's at least one brand with a blue string. O.B., I think. Which they also have in the 'States.

  24. Same Anon as before: I suppose the Doylist explanation for the 'I've paid for sex' statement is that E. L. James doesn't know that paying for sex and paying for BDSM are different things, because she doesn't know sex workers can (or should be able to) set boundaries on what activities they will and won't do with clients. There's clearly a massive streak of whorephobia in this book on top of everything else, what with 'The woman who brought me into this world was a crack whore' being presented as so horrible and traumatic that it's all the explanation and justification Torch FistBrow needs for all the horrific abuse he does.

    This is a really awkward segue, but Cliff, I saw on your Tumblr that you're now an RN, huge congratulations!

    1. I think he meant it more that he paid for BDSM lessons which incidentally involved sex. Which still seems a bit odd if he's referring to PIV sex but maybe he's more open-minded than that.

  25. Have you seen this? Had to share, thought you would like it.

  26. "He squeezes my nipples between our thumbs, pulling gently so that they elongate further. I watch in fascination at the wanton creature writhing in front of me." This is the only one of the terribly written passages I just straight up don't understand. Is she calling her own nipple a wanton creature? Do nipples writhe????

  27. "They weren't, like, putting me through organized Submission Exercises until I earned my black hankie."

    Wait--you mean Cliff isn't a sex-ninja?


  28. I was bored, so I wrote up a little fan fiction based on Cliff's interpretation of FSoG's tampon scene. Part 1/2

    Warning: It's gross, disturbing, and if menstral blood offends you, don't read it.

    "Are you bleeding?"
    Oh crap! How does this guy know everything?
    "Yes," I reply hesitantly. I feel my cheeks flush and I try to brace myself, my ass tightening at the thought of him expressing his disapproval through another punishment. My inner goddess's wings flutter so hard in my stomach at the idea of a spanking that I have to choke back the bile I taste in the back of my throat. She and I really need to have a conversation about what we enjoy.
    "Good, just in time"
    Oh thank heavens, it's okay for me to be on my period. Wait. "Just in time?"
    "Yes, Anabella, I told you. I like being in control of everything and now I have fully synced your menstral cycle with my... needs."
    I opened my mouth to ask about his needs, but he slipped his first two fingers between my lips, deep in my throat, touching where the bile had risen just moments before. I gagged a little and he smiled, sliding his fingers in and out of my mouth. I felt my knees weaken as that perfect smile became the focus of my universe. He smeared my saliva all over my mouth and grabbed my hand, jerking me towards the bathroom.

    His hand expertly rotated out of mine and roughly grabbed my wrist, shoving my arm above my head and his mouth over mine. His hard, cold marble body is like a cage that encloses me and his hard, cold, marble, foreskin-covered cock presses against my belly, making a promise of what the night will bring. I could do nothing but open my lips to receive his tongue, which he moved less as if he was kissing me and more as if he was savoring the taste of me.

    "Now I finally get to taste you. The real you." His voice was gruff, low, and oh so sexy. There has never been another voice on this Earth that could compare. My vagina agreed by instantly getting wet, anticipating his touch. He did not disappoint. His beautiful piano-playing hands and the long, lean digits, the epitome of masculine perfection, ripped off my panties and started caressing my clit. I came instantly, my cum covering his hand and dripping down my legs. My whole body flushed with embarrassment and my inner goddess was so pleased with herself you would have thought she'd have run a marathon or done something productive with her life.

    "Yes baby, yes. That's a good girl. Pretty soon I will ask you to do that with no stimulation other than the pure masculinity I can convey through my glare and you will. I want you to smell my ChrisEd smell and cum.

    "Now, for what I want to do to you this evening. Pull off your dress and sit on the edge of the bathtub, spread eagle."

    "But I have a..."

    "Do it."

    By this time I felt as if I would faint! I'm so red I wondered if my skin would boil as if I had a sunburn! But ChrisEd knows what's best for me and I trust him so I do as he asks (plus I reallly don't want to get spanked).

    He kisses me gently and slowly lets a threatening smirk take over his face. A wave of fear overtakes me. He kneels in front of me and brushes his hand over my pubic hair, parting my lips and exposing my blue tampon string.

    "Do you like me looking at you like this?"

    "It's a little... embarassing?"

    "But your wet. You must be enjoying it."


  29. I was bored, so I wrote up a little fan fiction based on Cliff's interpretation of FSoG's tampon scene. Part 2/2

    Warning: It's gross, disturbing, and if menstral blood offends you, don't read it.

    My inner goddess shouts "Expose me! Expose me!" I tell the slut to shut up. While this inner turmoil is going on, ChrisEd has started playing with my tampon string, running it through his fingers and tugging gently. My mind is grossed out, but my body is so turned on by the sight of him between my legs that I allow my desire to overtake me. He pulls the tampon out the rest of the way and catches the blood clot that slips out with it. I watch with a mix of horror and desire as he closes his eyes and sucks the excess blood off the tampon, then tosses it in the toilet. He glares at the toilet for a minute and I feel his masculine, domineeeing, universe-controlling powers flex as the toilet flushes without clogging, even the hotel plumbing obeys his commands.

    "You taste exactly how I had hoped you would Anabella" he professes, rubbing the blood clot all over my breasts. He stared into my eyes once more, ensured I wasn't going to protest, and got to work on cleaning my menstral blood covered body with his tongue.