Credit to sbloyd. Rawr.
Day 15: Post a BDSM/kink activity you’re curious about and would like to try.One I've wanted for a long time is sensory deprivation. I have a fidgety mind; it's hard for me to sit quietly for more than a few minutes without reading or doodling or pacing or reciting facts about sharks.
("We now rise for a moment of silent prayer." "......" "......MALE SHARKS HAVE TWO PENISES.")
I already use physically intense play to shut that down in one way, by overwhelming myself with so much sensation that my mind is absolutely swamped with it and doesn't have any processing power left for fidgetyness. But I'd like to address it another way through BDSM, the opposite way, by giving myself absolutely no opportunity to avoid my own mind.
So I'd like to be locked in a closet for as long as I can stand. Preferably a whole weekend, but honestly I think I'd probably only last a couple hours. I would like to be stuck in there with my thoughts and absolutely no way to shut them down. I'm not even sure what that would be like. My fantasy is that being forced to face my own mind would lead to some breakthrough that made me permanently less inclined to avoid my own thoughts, but even if that doesn't happen--I still want to know what it's like.
On the more sexy-fun side of BDSM, I would love to bottom in an interrogation scene. I'm fascinated by the two kinds of power I'd have in that scene--both the power to spill the beans and stop the torment, and the power to not spill the beans and endure. The push-pull between "I'm so tough and stubborn" and "I can stop this at any time" feels fascinating. Plus I just want to be tied to a chair by someone in a uniform.
Speaking of uniforms... another thing I haven't tried but have been contemplating is topping in medical play. I have all these skills from my nursing education, and a powerful desire to misuse them. Although I wouldn't want to be a Naughty Nurse. Maybe an extremely authoritative and straight-laced nurse in scrubs and a labcoat. Or an EMT! I would be a Naughty EMT and wear a crisp white shirt with shoulder straps and combat boots and tie people to my backboard! YES.
Day 16: What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?(note: little bit of sexual assault talk)
The secrecy. It's gotten to be much less of an issue as I get older, but it still bites at me sometimes how much conscious effort I have to put into "who can be trusted with what?" about things as basic as "how was your weekend?" or "so I hear you're a writer."
It hurts when I'm hurting and can't seek help. A big part of the reason I told almost no one (and still haven't told my parents and a lot of my friends) about being sexually assaulted is that it took place in a scene. I don't want to change that story to make it more acceptable, but I also don't want to have to preface it with an hour of BDSM 101 where I explain what a "scene" is and how "tie me up" doesn't mean "do anything you want to me," really it doesn't. So silence becomes the path of least resistance.
And it hurts when I'm proud. I mean, I've been published in some cool places, I've flown across the country to speak at colleges, I've been cited in academic papers for chrissakes... and there's so many people I can't tell. I just submitted a story for publication in an erotica anthology and if it gets accepted I can't make the "omg guess what" phone call home. Boo hoo, I know, but it does hurt (especially in a family that values academic success very highly) that I've done all this cool stuff and there's so many settings where I can't tell anyone about it.
The "your world is now the same twelve people and no matter what happens you'll keep running into them" factor in the BDSM community can get a bit trying at times, too. It can be charming and comforting sometimes, but if there's someone who's very active in the scene who you don't like (or who's seriously hurt you, for that matter), you're going to spend a whole lot of time awkwardly avoiding eye contact.