Saturday, November 3, 2007

Sister's Doin' it for Herself.

Masturbation is interesting only because it's everything about sex that doesn't matter. It's all the physical pleasure and release that I can going to get out of a sex act, but it lasts ten minutes and means nothing. I don't come out of it happy, or affectionate, or laughing. Just sleepy and suddenly disinterested in whatever I was using as porn. (I've actually thrown good porn away during that "Now this is boring and slightly disgusting to me!" post-orgasm time. Very stupid.)

And for all my near-compulsive sexual explorations with partners, I masturbate in exactly the same way I did when I was twelve years old. Lying face down on a mattress, left hand cupped over clitoris, right hand on left breast, thrust hips against hand until porn becomes boring. It only works that one way. I can't do it sitting up, I can't do it on my back, I can't do it with my right hand.

So there is a physical difference between masturbation and sex. A guy can get me off in near to any position and with a wide variety of techniques. And frankly, even if I don't like him it still feels better. Sex and selfsex are different things for reasons that have nothing to do with fuzzy emotions, they have to do with the difference between a quiet sigh into my pillow and a fullthroated scream over his shoulder. I don't know why.

I just wish it worked the same way for guys. Obviously they do get something out of it, at least visually and mentally, but I've had a few tell me that getting their dick worked feels almost the same no matter what's doing it.

Male readers, please tell me "WHAT THE HELL THAT'S TOTALLY NOT TRUE" because otherwise I'll feel so sad for men.


  1. That hasn't really been my experience. There may not be an enormous amount of variation, but different women feel different, and my response to them varies quite a bit. Also factor in that some women seem to have NO FUCKING IDEA what they are doing ("I have internal genitalia, isn't that sufficient?"), and it's pretty obvious that whomever you've been talking to wasn't thinking clearly.

    Keep in mind how little experience I have, of course....

  2. Bruno - Very reassuring to know.

    Of course, now I have to worry that I'm in the "NO FUCKING IDEA" category, but I have a fairly enormous suspicion that I'm not.

  3. *sigh*
    I really would rather lurk here but after the first paragraph I was nodding while I read, so...

    Yup. Bored immediately afterward and there's a huge difference between being alone and having help. Huge. Basically, doing it alone is a sleep aid or a stress reliever. It's not about sex, not really.

  4. Scott - No pressure to comment, I'm happy to have lurkers.

    But it's good to hear from another man who experiences it that way.

  5. Yes, it's a huge difference. Otherwise, why would we bother leaving the house?

    Still, I wouldn't say that autoeroticism is only good for stress relief and sleep; it can be pretty fun if you have an exciting visualization and take some time with it. My personal favorite: finishing myself off on waking from an erotic dream. But, it still comes out a distant second to interacting with a real person (with rare exceptions, see below.)

    You don't discuss what's going on in your mind during the act, which I think is an important component; is there an active fantasy going on, or is it more of a mechanical process?

    You mentioned something else that I wanted to comment on: "And frankly, even if I don't like him it still feels better." I've had a wide array of emotionally-related sexual responses to women, and not all of them were positive. One person that I really didn't want to be with (long story) would initially excite me, but after orgasm, I would be deeply, profoundly depressed. One person evoked anxiety in me to a degree that I would usually ejaculate prematurely - needless to say, this led into a very unpleasant downward spiral. Negative reactions have been a small minority, fortunately, but when I'm having a hard emotional time with a person, it's strongly reflected in sex, which is why your statement surprises me.

    Thank God it works both ways, and when I'm really infatuated with a person, the sex is absolutely mind-blowing. I've been told that my emotional responses of this type are sort of girly, but I wouldn't trade them. Besides, what does that imply about the masculine ideal - that a man should be a non-feeling fucking machine? No thanks.

    Okay, digressing now. Sorry again about the long comment - your posts do get me going, as it were. I have so many opinions I should probably start my own frickin' blog. But I really do enjoy yours.


    P.S. You're right, porn seems kind of icky post-orgasm. It does take some discipline to hang onto it for future use. (Hey, now, using the word icky, that's definitely girly.

  6. Oh, and by the way, in Bruno's comment... "NO FUCKING IDEA"... not a bad pun, even if unintentional.


  7. SB - you can ramble all you like, I think it's very interesting.

    Yeah, even when it's supposedly "mechanical", I can't masturbate without fantasy (albeit usually goofy and wrong ones).

    And really interesting story about the emotional responses, because I never really heard that before, that a negative emotion could skew sex (in ways other than just not having it) in different and not always completely bad ways.

    (And a little disturbing what you said about the partner who made you sad as soon as you came... because that's eerily like the porn.)


  8. See, SB, but I've gotten old and married and it creeps me out (read: it's too close to actually doing something wrong) to imagine a real someone I'd wanna do it with who's not my wife. As such, my porn tends to be blogs like Holly's (oh, yeah!) and the run-of-the-mill free stuff available on the web. I go back and forth between pictures and words, but it's basically the same. Vanilla. And mostly just so I can get to sleep. Sometimes though, I wake the wife up... :)

    Exorcising demons, maybe...

  9. Scott! I am not your wife!


  10. Which is why you're safe, dearie. I have no idea what you look like and therefore, we're not likely to cross paths. Ever.

    (I can't believe you Tsked me. That makes me laugh too.

  11. So interesting about your masturbation rut and how it is so separate from your partnersex. I have this horny gauge and when I reach a certain level I get off real quick, kinda like switching gears or rewarding myself for breathing. This happens about 3 times a day. Yesterday I masturbated in my car in a parking lot cuz I got to my destination early. This morning I masturbated to some twisted Japanese porn my bf sent to me of an ape (a guy in a costume) raping a woman.