Tuesday, September 7, 2010


Sometimes I want to do thing that aren't safely psuedo-wrong, but WRONG wrong. Things that aren't just shocking to the squares but are actually kind of stupid. I want to fuck in public and it's somewhere we really could get caught. I want to get play-raped and it isn't so finely negotiated that I secretly know I'll be okay with everything he does. I want to get tied up and there aren't trauma shears in the room.

It's a fine line, because I genuinely DON'T want to be arrested or genuinely damaged or strangle in the ropes. I don't want to fall... but I do want to climb without a harness. Usually I err on the "harness" side of things, then, because in practical terms I value my quality of life more than I value having mega super fantastic sexual thrills. I'm not saying I plan to be genuinely unsafe. Only that it's hot.

When I posted the hatchet photo, some people pointed out that it's not a safe insertion toy. I defended it some, but you know what? It's not. It's not a rusty sawblade, but sticking a hatchet up your cooter really is stupider than using a freshly sterilized soft silicone toy intended for sex. It did hurt a bit, and I really could have damaged or infected my vagina. The wrongness-- the REAL wrongness, the part that wasn't 100% simulated and pre-negotiated--is what made it hot and memorable.

There's a delicate balance here, a middle point between playing like an insurance company representative and playing like a reckless idiot. But that's not unique to sex. I went bouldering yesterday. I climbed quite a bit more than my height up a big chunk of granite without any ropes, and if I'd slipped I had decent odds of breaking my ankle and nonzero odds of breaking my spine. Now, I wouldn't do this on Half Dome. I like my spine. But being up on that granite wall made me feel alive.

Sometimes kink really isn't Nerf, and that's okay. Or rather, it isn't okay, and God that's so hot.


  1. Yeah...I get that feeling whenever I bring up gun play in an erotic context.

    It violates all of cooper's four rules, but it is certainly a new rush.

  2. For me, gun play is Half Dome--even though with a "no ammunition in the room, quadruple check the gun and then check it again" policy it's probably not that unsafe, it just gives me the heebie jeebies. But I can understand it.

  3. Hell, with most handguns it isn't too hard to remove the firing pin, too. And a dummy cartridge in the chamber makes it so doupleplussafe that you're at greater risk from errant lightning. But I certainly get why it still feels _wrong_. Hell, it now gives me the heebie-jeebies to pick up a gun with my finger on the trigger.

  4. I have plenty of sharp-edged objects. Some are even rusty sawblades. I also have cuffs, ropes and a ball gag. C'mon down and visit some time. :)

  5. I've gone bouldering and tree climbing several times, and I have climbed higher than my height several times. My worst fall was four feet off the ground but I landed on a sharp rock and cut my elbow open, not bad but I had to go to the emergency room and get a couple stitches. I there is a tree in the front yard of my fathers house that is about 25 ft tall, that I have climbed countless times. I have fallen out of it twice (both times I walked away with just a sprained ankle), one time I grabbed onto a branch that wasn't thick enough to hold me and another I was trying to climb it when the branches were still wet from the rain. Both times I should have known better. So yes I have taken risks, sometimes risks that I shouldn't have taken, but they were calculated risks. What is really dangerous is when people engage in risky behavior without realizing it is risky behavior.

  6. @Voldemort13

    ...Or else get into something with the attitude that while theoretically, bad things can happen, nothing will happen to me because I'm special.

    ...Or else they're like my mother, who gets into financially and/or socially very risky situations with the attitude "It just has to work. Because not working would be bad and bad things shouldn't happen." (Okay, not an exact quote, but an exact quote of hers would be a very long diatribe which boils down to essentially this.) You'd think that after a lifetime of mostly failure and the rare successes ending up being mostly inconsequential or irrelevant in the long run, and even other people pointing out that she does this, she would learn to stop doing it. Nope.

  7. See, this why there's SSC, and then there's RACK. SSC (safe, sane and consensual, as a model for bdsm safety), when it comes down to it, means that there are activities that objectively one "can" and "cannot" do. You *don't* drink alcohol and play with BDSM. You *don't* get tied up without safety shears (and a way of getting out if your top has a seizure, for that matter). People may disagree on what belongs on what list, but the implication of SSC is that, somewhere out in the ether, there is a list. And that's fiiiiine. It's where everyone should start, probably. It's what the public message of BDSM probably *has* to be in order to be safe and responsible. But RACK (risk-aware consensual kink) acknowledges that people can make judgment calls, and that there isn't a list out there that can possibly evaluate every situation and nuance of personality. Experienced adults can decide to accept the risks of playing with fire (literally...heh) without suggesting that what they do is okay for everyone in every situation--and that they can take responsibility for when things go wrong.

  8. --and that they can take responsibility for when things go wrong.

    I think this is one of the most important things to remember.

  9. Oh yeah, I really get what you're saying...

  10. Mua ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. No. Of course not. I would never do anything outside the boundaries of perfectly safe play.


    Ok, maybe just a little. ;)


    I definitely get what you're saying. :D

  11. ..Or else they're like my mother, who gets into financially and/or socially very risky situations with the attitude "It just has to work. Because not working would be bad and bad things shouldn't happen."

    OH GOD I hate people like that. My theory is that most people who whine about being "unlucky" (and indeed do have a lot of horrible shit happen to them) are actually deliberately putting themselves into stupid situations thinking "Meh, I'll be fine."

    I suppose technically if a person repeatedly does things that could turn out good or awful and it always swings to awful, they are unlucky. But, like, there's still the option of not taking risks in the first place. Or at least not whining when things don't work out.

  12. Yes I fall out of a tree twice in my life and the lesson I take away from it is not to do the thing that directly caused me to fall out of the tree rather than to never climb trees again. I am so risky and dangerous. My point with my earlier post is that you can engage in behaviors that are risky while still keeping your personal safety in mind. I could go into the things I do to keep myself safe while bouldering but I know I take more ricks bouldering than I would take during a scene, however I have to admit that I haven't spent much time worrying about what would happen if my top had a seizure while I was tied up, but I also haven't spent much time worrying about what would happen if he had a seizure while I was riding in the car with him, or while he was belaying me on a rock wall. However of those three scenarios having a seizure while driving sounds the most dangerous, but no one says you shouldn't drive because you might have a seizure.

  13. Actually, generally speaking, you aren't allowed to have a driver's license if you have a history of seizures, or a condition that makes a seizures a day to day possibility. The whole point of RACK is not "don't play with dangerous stuff"...it's assess the risks and decide for yourself which are the ones you want to take. which is very different than making sure you are perfectly safe.