Thursday, November 18, 2010

The symbolic and real anus.

I have, after much soul-searching and butt-searching, come to the conclusion that I don't really like anal sex. I've had a couple positive experiences with it, but on the hole I think it's just not for me.

What complicated this realization is the fact that I'm dealing with two anuses here. The symbolic anus represents passionate, kinky, unconventional sex. Symbolic anal sex is an object of fantasy, associated as it is with humiliation and domination and intensity. And being unwilling to have symbolic anal sex makes me seem uptight, prudish, like I'm bound up by narrow-minded cultural preconceptions about the anus being "icky" or that anal sex is just too sexy for me. It's hard for me to give up on symbolic anal sex, because although I don't want to have buttsex, I want to be the sort of person who has buttsex.

However, in between my buttcheeks there is a real anus. And this one doesn't particularly like stuff in it. It's not painful but it's uncomfortable, and to be brutally honest, mostly just feels like being constipated. This isn't a case of "I can't handle the sheer intensity," it's a case of "it's just not much fun."

I love the idea of being a symbolic butt-slut, but my actual butt just isn't in on the deal.


  1. This is a tremendously insightful post (or maybe I should say it contains amazing hindsight? :D).

    I think lots of people get the symbolic aspect of a sex act mixed up with the practical aspect. Especially in the kink community where there's a vibe of "if you're really a dom/sub, you'll do ____."

    Good for you for realizing what you actually like, and asserting it.

  2. I'm glad you were able to come to this conclusion - putting yourself through this in spite of not enjoying it would be a shitty thing to do to yourself, but now you can put it all behind you.

  3. Yes. I've been thinking about a post along similar "what I want to want may not be what I want" lines.

  4. (Hmm, search my words for unintentional puns or just go with it?)
    Yeah. I came to this conclusion a while back. I have a high sex drive and desire for a lot of things, but assholes are just not sexy to me. I've had and enjoyed anal sex, but I can't not know that it's the same place poop is, and always felt a compulsion to scrub and bleach a dick before it was ever going in my mouth again (which is what I really love). Porn with unexpected rimming or ass to mouth is RUINED. :P (And I'm not a germophobe about anything else, as my kitchen floor attests.) I'm way past worrying about what anyone else thinks that means about who I am sexually. Since my man isn't into it either, I'm happy to let it go. (Although in the unlikely event that I were to have a different partner who was really turned on by it, I'd be GGG.)

  5. Man, same here. I want to love it, because the people I care about love it! But it's not something that usually does much for me. And it takes a lot of work.

    S'alright though, I can just pop a buttplug in them instead. They certainly take it a lot better than I do!

  6. "on the *hole* I think it's just not for me"

    Was this a pun? ;)

    Once I learned a bit more about anatomy I found the whole idea that "passionate women are into buttsex" annoying. It's the *men* that have the prostate, and they're sometimes the ones that are the most scared to do it!

  7. That's what I'm worried about for a lot of the kinkier stuff: I mean, I love the idea of (say) licking someone's boots, but in the reality will I be turned on or just disgusted? Will wanting to whip someone until they bleed be hot in real life, or just make me want to have a first-aid kit?

    And on the other hand, plain vanilla sex is so boring I will skip it in porn for the next bit of interesting plot, but in real life I get multiple orgasms. So.

  8. I always wanted to try anal sex with my wife. Before we were married she thought it would be OK. I don't think I badgered her at all but I'm sure I mentioned it several times over the first six or so years of marriage. One time without telling me what she had in mind she grabbed my cock, put it against her anus and pressed backward hard; no lube, no preparation. I thought it was a really bad idea like that so I pulled away, she grabbed my hips behind her and followed, then gave up. I tried to explain as kindly as possible that lube was super important, she really does not like being told she's doing something wrong.

    But what I found out from that, that I didn't know before, is that I only really wanted the symbolic anal sex. I wanted her to be willing to have anal sex with me, like I'd offered to her if she felt like using a strap-on. Her mashing her poor unlubed anus against my cock was something I never would have asked for, but it let me know she was willing.

    After that we just went back to occasionally doing pantomime anal sex in the shower; I'd soap up her crack, then rub my cock between her buttcheeks or upper thighs, while reaching around and rubbing her clit and a nipple. After she tried once, that was fine.

  9. Huh. The 'Will wanting to whip someone until they bleed be hot in real life' part didn't show, just the 'yes' I typed afterwards. Huh.

  10. Meh. Doesn't do it for me, and I had an ex who was such a dick about it that I find the whole idea off-putting now. It just seems like one of those things that people use as a gauge of how kinky/sexually adventurous you are, and if you're not into it you must be a prude.

  11. So Jack's one for the 'yes' column...

  12. symbolic vs actual? Yeah I'm a virgin reading a sex-positive blog... lol :P

  13. I have anus that responds well to me having someone in it when I'm masturbating/about to come - but as soon as I do, contracts and can't take anything in it without hurting. Evil!

  14. Why should someone be considered a 'prude' for not doing (and not *wanting* to do) something that is physically uncomfortable or painful for them? That's just slut-shaming but in the other direction.

    And anal sex IS 'icky', why pretend otherwise? Just because men say they like it does not mean women have to pretend they like it too. Wtf. (And by icky I mean there is actual shit in a person's anus, it is NOT just another hole to put a penis in. Why do people always ignore the fact that there is poo in the anus?)

    I know you're going to disagree but I have to say this: the symbolic anus you're talking about just represents porn* and misogyny. Anyone who thinks otherwise needs to seriously examine why they think that way.

    (Disclaimer: all of the above is generally written with het-anal in mind, I have no idea about male homosexual relations, symbolic or otherwise.)

    *MOST depictions of this kind of anal-sex are found in porn, so no matter how sexy or raunchy or wild and free it seems (and it's probably not, for the woman, who is most likely being paid to LOOK like she enjoys it) - it's still PORN, which is the worst industry capitalism has spawned as yet.


  15. hear hear! my anus works the same way. i'm perfectly happy fisting dudes in the ass, and prefer my ass to be left alone.


  16. Ickypoos:
    I am a woman who loves anal sex and has amazing orgasms from it. if anal sex represents misogyny, we need more misogyny like this: loving, pleasurable, orgasm-producing misogyny that makes a woman (and a man) happy.

    (Not that anyone else should be required to enjoy the same things that I do / that porn women do / that kinky people are sometimes expected to enjoy. And kudos to Holly for finding out what you really want and don't want!)

  17. Oh no, the radfems have found Pervocracy. I'll play along. Emmie, you're wrong! You're a woman, thus you can't possibly enjoy something that I saw in porn and that *men* like! The patriarchy has conditioned you into orgrasming at this because it's an expression of men's hatred towards you and we sexualize that misogyny. Yay women!

  18. Ickypoos - An aversion to "reverse slut-shaming" is no excuse to slut-shame forwards.

    Also, there isn't continually poo in the anus; bowel movements are discrete, not a constant stream, and between BMs you're actually pretty clean.

    The difference between "I don't like anal sex" and "anal sex is gross and misogynistic and no one really likes it" is a very big and important one.

  19. Anon at 6:23:
    My only concern, then, is this: Why isn't the patriarchy more effective? I want to be conditioned to orgasm more! I want to enjoy it when I read about rape and when someone harasses me sexually and when I see advertisements telling me to be sexy but not sexual! I want to come hard when marketing is targeted for the male gaze and when men's rights activists claim they are entitled to sex and when my male colleagues get paid more than I! Patriarchy, do your job!

  20. Sigh. Buncha posers. None o' youse is real feminists.

  21. Emmie, I think miette loves you, and for good reason.

  22. You may have misread me, Holly, I was not slut-shaming by any stretch of the imagination. And your distinction between the two anuses is very interesting!

    But let me see if I've got this straight. For you the symbolic anus says "Wild and free *wheee*!". Your actual anus says "No srsly, do not f*** that shit!" You say "Boohoo!"

    All I'm saying is, given the disparity between the MO's of the two anuses and your self-disparaging (calling yourself "prudish, uptight") reaction to this disparity, where does that symbolic anus come from, and why? (And also importantly, whence your reaction?)

    That's all I'm asking you to think about.

    Also, there is quite often gunk in there even between BMs because many people do not have perfect BMs in the first place. And the most basic primer I could find warns about "brown slimy stuff" on the condom when the penis pulls out. (Do read the concluding paragraph on the link given below btw.)

    I am not saying that it is impossible for women to enjoy anal sex, just that it is usually (for obvious reasons) MUCH harder for them than it is for men. This is relevent to my earlier points about porn, misogyny, and Holly's symbolic anus.

    Here is the link for the article:

    (Please note: this link is actually encouraging anal sex and the best it can conclude with is: "Anal sex shouldn't (if done right, anyway) produce any serious or long-lasting discomfort." Wow, no long-lasting discomfort! How fantastically sexaay! ... Just something to think about.)

    Emmie, will have to get back to you later when I have a bit more time. And if Holly allows.

    Apologies to all for hogging so much comment space!

  23. this link is actually encouraging anal sex and the best it can conclude with is: "Anal sex shouldn't (if done right, anyway) produce any serious or long-lasting discomfort." Wow, no long-lasting discomfort! How fantastically sexaay! ... Just something to think about.)

    Any sex act has potential to hurt if you're not careful and I could just as easily see a primer on vaginal sex ending this way. It doesn't say anything bad about the act itself, it says bad things about people who are careless with someone else's body.

    And yes, occasionally when my fingers are in my bf's ass, they come out with the glove ever-so-slightly smeared with brown. But it's not every time and it's not a big deal. People seem to think that the anus is literally packed with poo all the time but if it were, nothing would get in there in the first place...

    I do think I see what you're saying about anal sex overall, ickypoo, and for the most part I agree. I think it's porn (which is a primarily male-driven industry) that spread the idea that it might be fun to fuck a woman's ass and that women who do anal are more "fun" or "wild" or "free" or some shit. And "reverse slut-shaming" is maybe my favourite new phrase ever and helped me see how fucking stupid it is for me to feel bad about not liking uncomfortable things.

    But some women genuinely do like being anally penetrated. The anus does have a whoooole lot of nerve endings in it and is right next to the g-spot - and this would be true whether the patriarchy fetishized that area or not. So we can't assume that all the porn stars are faking their enjoyment.

    I think the way to get the patriarchy and chauvinism out of anal sex is to flip over the way we think about it - instead of all of us automatically taking the male point of view ("It's tighter in there so it feels good to a penis! A woman who does it is more desireable to men!") we should try to look at it from a female point of view ("A woman's anus can sometimes be an erogenous zone and some women really love being stimulated there."). This puts the emphasis on whether or not the woman is enjoying herself, not whether she's a prude or a slut. And that's how it should be.

  24. ickypoos, I think you're missing something in the perspective you're presenting on this; love and giving. I wanted to try anal with my wife, and you seem to think anal is mostly a creation of male-oriented porn and the patriarchy. What led me to offer to do strap-on with her? It wasn't male-oriented porn and the patriarchy. It wasn't that I actually wanted something up my butt. It's that I wanted to do something for her.

    My favorite sex act is cunnilingus. I write about it a lot, I love doing it, and I did it about twice a week with my wife. If I looked at that with the same perspective that you're bringing to anal, it wouldn't look very good either. Toilet paper does not get all the urine out of a woman's pubic hair; there's some still in there, dried. The mucusy fluid from a woman's pussy will not win any taste awards either unless you come at it with a really special perspective. It doesn't bring me any direct physical pleasure, often it's hard to breathe or my neck and/or jaw get sore. What can I say about it directly beyond it doesn't "produce any serious or long-lasting discomfort?"

    But I still love it. The special perspective is giving. That's why I love it. The awkward aspects are part of what makes it a special joy. If it was easier it wouldn't be as giving.

  25. I started out the same, I was fine with a "symbolic" anal play but my "real" anal didn't care much about it. BUT after all these years my "real" butt started to like it as well and can't live with out it.

  26. Cunnilingus is not applicable here, sorry - some discomfort vs. the very real danger of torn muscle tissues are two entirely different spheres of sexual activity and, hence, of this 'loving giving' stuff you're talking about.

    Also, no one is saying the ickiness of anal is a "big deal" per se - but saying it's NOT icky is being wilfully blind. That's all I'm trying to point out. It IS icky and we are trained from birth to be disgusted by poo because of the very fact that poo can be dangerous. (Diseases and so forth doncherknow.)

    Please stop putting words in my mouth: I am not denying or denigrating anyone's personal experience here. I just take issue with the assumption that because *some* women like/get off on anal, those who don't are "prudish" or "uptight" - which is basically Holly's position on the matter.

    And given how feminist Holly seems - WHY is this Holly's (and many sex-positive feminists') position on the matter?
    Hint 1: this is not really about Holly anymore.
    Hint 2: It starts with a p...
    Hint 3: Why oh WHY does it so often not feel as good IRL as it looks on the screen? Damn my compartmentalized and fragmented sexuality...!

    I also take issue with this idea that because SOME porn stars MIGHT enjoy anal sex we can't say that MOST of them DON'T. To quote: YES WE CAN! Anal can be very PAINFUL and pain is one of the biggest problems cited amongst practicing homo/bisexuals (a whopping 60% of them! And look I've been doing research yay me=) If that's the case with homosexuals, then is it so unreasonable to assume that's the case with female porn actors (keeping in mind that penis+anus for men and women is not as different as penis+anus and penis+vagina)?

    (Also consider that the anal dynamic in the porn industry, where women are commodities/labour to be paid for, is VERY different to the anal dynamic between two males in a relationship. Oh and just to reiterate this well-worn stat, around 70% of STD infections in the porn industry occur in women because vaginas are sensitive that way and no one wants condoms to ruin the fantasy ffs! Sounds just about misogynistic enough to me. Do you need more?)

    Oh and Emmie - turns out I actually don't have a response for you. What was your point again?

  27. Please stop putting words in my mouth: I am not denying or denigrating anyone's personal experience here.

    Oh and Emmie - turns out I actually don't have a response for you. What was your point again?

  28. So now this is like every single time some well-intentioned but ignorant straight dude says he doesn't have anything against gays but anal sex is just so gross!

    Whatever point you might have had is lost in your clueless application of the homophobic language dispensed whenever homophobes feel compelled to describe the inherent 'ickiness' of anal sex.

    "I am not denying or denigrating anyone's personal experience here. "

    Yes, you are. You have successfully done so probably for every gay and bisexual man reading this who has experienced this frustrating disgust libel (that is, pretty much all of them). Congratulations on taking what is normally a safe space and spreading this (dare I say) shit all over it.

  29. Ickypoos - I've had anal sex, yo. It wasn't transcendent ecstasy for me, but it wasn't the painful shit-slog you seem to be imagining. It's just another kind of sex.

    Also, even if it were a shitfest, "icky" is subjective. You can't say something is icky like you own an ickyometer.

    I don't think not having anal sex is prudish or uptight, but I think it's easy to feel that way. I think this is wrong, as I tried to make clear in the post. It's just an activity some people like and some don't.

    this is not really about Holly anymore.
    NO. DO NOT TELL ME I DON'T REALLY THINK WHAT I THINK. I AM A PERSON AND I AM SAYING SOMETHING. PLEASE ASSUME THAT I MEAN IT. (It wasn't the patriarchy saying that either. It was me. I promise.)

    "Practicing homosexuals"? Oh, not the unobservant type who are only gay on Easter and Christmas. I feel like it's not entirely feminist to use a term generally used by homophobes (are you a "practicing heterosexual"?) and to conflate gayness and buttsex.

    I have had anal sex multiple times. There was never pain. There was never poop. The emotional context was "let's explore our bodies in a different way!" The fact that I decided not to make it a regular part of my sex life does not mean that anal sex is horribly oppressive.

    Telling people that they don't really like what they like and really no one should do or enjoy an "icky" sex act, on the other hand...

  30. @ickypoos, I might be wrong and I'd love a clarification but when I read Holly's post, when she talked about being prudish and uptight, I didn't think that's what she thought about herself - more that's it's part of the package of the "symobolic anus".

    Also being a feminist doesn't preclude you from having unfeminist thoughts - especially ones about yourself that do yourself down. I find it's a lot easier to remember to apply feminist principles when I'm not thinking about my own actions, choices, body, etc. I don't know what Holly thinks (obviously) - I'd love to hear.

    Finally, I have a hard time with the "porn is evil" argument. Yes, there's exploitation in porn, but as many sex-positive feminists have said before, there's exploitation in every sphere of human activity. Porn and other elements of the sex industry are not a priori misogynistic (although if you've got an argument that shows it is, I'd be really interested to see it).

    What's much more interesting is discussing how to tackle problems of slut-shaming and reverse slut-shaming. And some of the time it's not so much about patriarchy as about douchebags.

  31. Re Emmie: Explain how I was denigrating her personal experience by not getting her point?

    Re practicing homosexuals: apologies if I wasn't clear. I meant homosexuals engaging in anal sex. It is painful for over 60% of homosexuals/bisexuals over their lifetimes. Not just once or twice. Over a LIFETIME. Go look it up. I used 'practicing' to differentiate between those who do and those who don't for the purposes of this argument.

    Where have I been homophobic specifically?

    Re porn: I gave you a few very clear reasons up there why it is misogynistic. It is well nigh impossible to claim a priori that the sun will rise tomorrow - doesn't mean it won't.

    Re ickyness: Anal sex can be icky and there is no moral judgement there, it doesn't mean anal sex is good or bad because of it. Why is everyone in such a flutter about this?

    Re prudishness: Holly you'll have to forgive the misunderstanding but you weren't clear at all about your position on anal sex vs. prudishness until this last comment of yours where you say "I don't think not having anal sex is prudish or uptight, but I think it's easy to feel that way. I think this is wrong, as I tried to make clear in the post. It's just an activity some people like and some don't."

    Saying in your post that not wanting to have anal sex makes you seem prudish and uptight and then ending with "I love the idea of being a symbolic butt-slut..." is HARDLY making clear your non-prude-shaming position.

    Nice backtrack though.

  32. I can't look up "percentage of homosexuals who hate anal sex their entire lives," as this is not commonly recorded demographic data. What's your source?

    And having anal sex is not "practicing" homosexuality! Christ. Being attracted to people of the same sex is being homosexuality, and beyond that I don't know what the hell to tell you, except that implying that gay=buttsex is at least ignorant if it's not homophobic.

    I gave you a few very clear reasons up there why it is misogynistic. It is well nigh impossible to claim a priori that the sun will rise tomorrow - doesn't mean it won't.
    Great, then don't claim a priori that filming a woman having sex--even a kind of sex you don't personally enjoy--is necessarily misogynistic. I think that in practice a lot of porn is sexist, but in principle there's no reason that porn can't be executed in a feminist manner.

    I'm in a flutter because "icky" isn't a thing. The word is a personal value judgement, an emotional reaction, not some objective reality. Declaring something "icky" is not like declaring it "blue" or "square." Something can't be icky. It can only make you think it's icky. Do you get the very important distinction here? I think fish is icky, and that's not a physical property of fish, that's just my feeling about it.

    I'm being way too nice to someone who doesn't see the problem with discussing "practicing homosexuals" (no, that just means buttsex! GAY EQUALS BUTTSEX EQUALS POOP! I AM NOT A HOMOPHOBE I JUST HATE THE PAINFUL POOPY BUTTSEX THAT HOMERSECHSUALS HAVE) and how their sex lives are all icky and unpleasant.

  33. Just to be a stickler, I would like to point out to Ms. Ickypoos that she means 'homosexual and bisexual MEN.' Strangely enough, we female queers exist too.

    I am also puzzled by the belief that anal play is done primarily by men to women or men. What about woman-on-woman anal play? What, pray tell, about women penetrating men's asses? Both of those are things!

    And also men are also commodities/labor in the heterosexual porn industry. Not only are they paid less, but they are more objectified, because instead of being a Dirty Dirty Slut, which at least implies something about your personality, they are just A Cock, Which Is Very Big. Talk about getting reduced to a body part...

    (Discussion about how capitalism makes all workers' bodies commodities/labor is for the advanced class.)

    tl;dr Ozzy: Women and men may have opinions on anal play ranging from "I can only orgasm with it" to "EXIT ONLY KTHNXBAI," and any point on the spectrum is okay. Also, WHAT ABOUT TEH MENZ PORN STARS?

  34. ickypoos said... Cunnilingus is not applicable here, sorry - some discomfort vs. the very real danger of torn muscle tissues are two entirely different spheres of sexual activity and, hence, of this 'loving giving' stuff you're talking about.

    I said I'd offered my wife the opportunity to penetrate me anally with a strap-on and it was from the same motive as the cunnilingus. You can tell me I was a fool to do so if you want, but you can't tell me I didn't do it from the same motive.

  35. Ickypoo:

    It is painful for over 60% of homosexuals/bisexuals over their lifetimes. Not just once or twice. Over a LIFETIME. Go look it up.

    Technically can't that statement mean that someone found it painful once or twice over the course of their entire life?

    And what is this 60%, anyway? 60% of gay people do anal and 60% of that group found it painful? Or 60% of gay people do anal and all of them actually hate it every single time but insist on doing it anyway? Or what? You can go ahead and link me to the site where you found that - then I won't have to keep asking you for clarification.

    I should also mention here that vaginal sex hurts me all the damn time. It's not constant agony by any means (if it were I wouldn't do it), but if I'm not lubricated enough or if my partner hits my cervix, it's ouchy. Probably I've had one or two minor flinchy moments every single time I've had sex - although the good bits more than made up for it. So I suppose technically I could make up some stat about vaginal sex being painful over a LIFETIME as well.

    we are trained from birth to be disgusted by poo because of the very fact that poo can be dangerous.

    Yes, but we're supposed to be super-careful around vaginal and penile secretions, too; it's just that most people aren't. Safer sex practices generally recommend treating your partner's genitals as though they were radioactive or something - ideally, to be as safe as humanly possible, you should be wearing latex gloves even to give a hand job.

    So...vaginal sex can be painful, just like anal sex. And vaginal sex can be dangerous, just like anal sex. Why, then, are you trying so hard to demonize anal? If you just don't like it, a simple "well, it's not for me but whatever" would do. But your insistence that we all admit it's icky, painful, and horrible seems to be motivated by something else. Homophobia, a traumatic past experience...something.

  36. Yeah. I've heard this a thousand times, from radical feminists and just people uncomfortable with sexual curiosity. I wouldn't have thought to find it hear, but Ickypoo certainly managed to make me annoyed enough to answer.

    I think it's really big of you, Holly, to choose not to take part in anal play. It is, as you say, like the king of all things kinky (Ickypoo kind of proves that with hir comments).

    I do appreaciate that some people might not find it pleasurable. I find it very hard to pinpoint, if the actual pleasure I'm having comes from the submission and possible pain (there's not always pain, but sometimes there is) or if it's purely sensational. I don't really need to find out. I enjoy it, I get great, big, screaming orgams from just anal play, without any other implement or play at work. That's why it's a part of my sex life, but I wouldn't except anyone to take part in it, if they didn't want to or didn't enjoy it.

    Talking about the dirtiness of the act, though, that's like anti-sex and anti-feminist forces of evil at foot. Sex is only dirty if you want to see it that way - but if you really want to use moralistic words like that - then you should define the whole act of sex dirty. It is. There are bodily fluids everywhere, there are germs crossing skin and then orifices, there are a million things that people and our bodies are meant to handle. One of those dirty things is sperm, and without it there would be no babies. Icky it might be, it still is as natural and as meaningful in an sex act as you can get.

    I guess the dirtiness is in the eye of the beholder.

  37. Did you know that 60% of all statistics are made up on the spot?

    Anyway, ickypoos, let me get back to you once I find some poop on my partner's dick after we practiced our homosexuality and it icks us. Hope you got some patience, either might take a bit...

    (But seriously, their name is ickypoos, what did we expect!)

  38. Again, I am not saying it is IMPOSSIBLE or BAD or DIRTY to enjoy anal sex, just that there are many serious, significant obstacles to overcome in order to enjoy it for MOST WOMEN - which are often glossed over during conversations about anal sex because no one wants to seem judgmental or prudish. Which is something Holly articulated in her post without as clearly articulating that THAT notion is just reverse-slut-shaming. Holly then ended with saying she actually LOVES the idea of being a symbolic butt-slut, i.e. someone who engages in anal sex happily, gets off on it and is, by corollary, NOT an uptight
    prude. I object to that.

    Where did this idea of women being prudes for not enjoying (often painful and dangerous) anal sex come from? Holly's head? (And this is
    where it stops being about Holly.) No. These ideas came from a misogynistic society which is increasingly embracing misogynistic porn which shows, over and over, women looking like they enjoy anal sex. (Do these female porn actors actually enjoy it? I can't say for sure and neither can you, so why take the chance that you're actually participating in the most vile dehumanisation of a woman by watching and orgasming to it?)

    Finally, porn is the only industry where a woman's chance of contracting (a possibly life-threatening) STD is SEVENTY PERCENT, more than twice as frequently as for men BECAUSE of the fact that they are women (i.e. have vaginas which are more prone to infections)and yet condom-use is minimal and discouraged in het-porn. (Condom use is about 80% in male gay porn, any guesses why?)

    Industry reps for het-porn say enforcing condom-use would interfere with the fantasy aspect of porn and cause their sales to "drop significantly". Name me any other tax-paying industry in the States which has this level of disregard for women's bodily health and integrity and I will back off my 'porn is misogynist' claim.

  39. Oh and those looking for a link, type in 'anal sex statistics' into Google, or just go look up the entry on 'anal sex' on Wikipedia and read BEYOND "The abundance of nerve endings in the anal region and rectum makes anal sex pleasurable for many men and women." There is a LOT MORE to anal sex than just the abundance of nerve endings.

    Also look at

    I recommend reading through and through and not just stopping where it suits you. There is enough evidence to err on teh side of caution and simply stop viewing porn, and also to really THINK about anal sex and the 'symbolic anus' before jumping on the "Wheee wild and freee!" bandwagon.

  40. The number I am on about is 60% of male homo/bisexuals reporting that 'pain' is a major issue when having anal sex. Why am I bringing up homosexuals in a conversation about anal sex? Because the proportional prevalence is higher amongst male homosexuals. (This information is available on Wikipedia for those interested.) And if pain is such a big problem with males then it's likely a big problem with women.

  41. Here's something I'd like to fish out of what Ickypoos is saying: Nobody should ever feel bad about not participating in or enjoying anal sex. And if they do feel bad, there is a problem. If the culture makes them feel bad, there is a problem with the culture. It's a worthwhile point, though I think everyone already agrees.

  42. "Nobody should ever feel bad about not participating in or enjoying anal sex."


    I like this one too:

    Nobody should ever feel bad about participating in and enjoying anal sex.


  43. Ickypoos,

    Do you have some bullshit statistic for women having anal sex with other women? Or women using anal sex as part of masturbation? I'd like to see it.

  44. I haven't enjoyed anal sex. But I love to have a tongue in my ass. Try it you don't like, then don't do it. Simple