I started doing a full Cosmocking for April '10, but this article required its own post.
It's described on the cover as "The Rape Danger Zone Most Women Don't Know About." I assumed they meant the home--after all, most rapes are committed by partners, friends, dates, and such, and it's rarely publicized the way stranger rape is. Then I turned to the article.
Read This Before You Drive Alone
Your car can feel like a comfy little cocoon, but driving solo can put you at risk for a violent attack, rape, or worse.
Oh Cosmo. Your timing is hilarious. Your insistence that women--already forbidden from walking alone, obviously--not even fucking drive is positively Saudi Arabian.
And come on. Even if I'm not driving across the country alone like some reckless psychotic, am I really supposed to recruit a Safety Buddy every time I commute to work? Every time I go shopping? Even if I just need one thing from the drug store real quick?
If you are taking a long trip and will need to stop for fuel after dark, go to websites like exxonstations.com/locator to find full-service stations along your route. That way, you can stay in your car with the doors locked.
There are several insane paranoid precautions you should take specifically when doing anything after dark. Apparently rapists are vampires.
When you're shopping at night, or if the lot looks eerily empty, ask store personnel for a security guard to walk you to your car. If there isn't one available, keep a hand free of packages as you walk to your car, and stay in the middle of the parking-lot aisle, away from vehicles, where criminals might be hiding.
Apparently rapists are funhouse vampires, and they operate by jumping out and going "boogy boogy boogy!"
Above all, never text or talk on the phone on the way to your car--it's a sure way to encourage an attacker.
"Your honor, I wasn't planning to rape her, but then she made a phone call, and I realized she was just begging for it. You know what kind of woman makes phone calls."
[If your car breaks down] While you wait for help to arrive, do not under any circumstances get out of your car; roll up your windows, lock the doors,and stay inside.
For fuck's sake. Is air toxic to women? I don't know about rapists; this is how I would act if there were velociraptors outside the car.
And I hope "any circumstances" doesn't include when your car is in a position where it could be struck by traffic, or when the engine is smoking. (Let's just forget the possibility that you might actually be able to fix the car problem yourself, you are just a little lady after all.)
When a long drive is part of your plans, set up a safety net: Have roadside assistance available, and most important, never sleep in your car or take a break in any place that seems isolated. Avoid driving at night, splurge on a safe place to stay, and do all your shopping and gassing up in daylight. If you're careful and prepared, you'll feel at ease behind the wheel... and arrive at your destination unharmed.
Well, the message is clear: if I had been raped on the trip I just took, it would have been my own damn fault. Ladies have an obligation to conduct themselves at all times as if they're in velociraptor territory, because when they don't, they ought to know they've got it coming.
Of course, ladies who turn their car into a hermetically sealed Panic Room, then go home and get raped by their boyfriends, are just going to feel silly.
(And ha ha, try taking a break anywhere in Montana, Wyoming, or South Dakota that doesn't seem isolated.)
Good God... Y'know, I can sort of abstractly see how some people consider "load up on hollowpoints and aim for the chest" odd advice for avoiding rape. But what kind of person considers "retreat from the world" any better?
ReplyDelete(Let's just forget the possibility that you might actually be able to fix the car problem yourself, you are just a little lady after all.)
Man... Can you imagine a world where mainstream women's magazines gave advice on how to diagnose and fix a stopped car, rather than advising they hide in it?
Above all, never text or talk on the phone on the way to your car--it's a sure way to encourage an attacker...never sleep in your car or take a break in any place that seems isolated.
"Never" is a bit strong, but it is a good idea to stay aware of your surroundings and to know the potential dangers of sleeping in your car. But, Cosmo, that's good advice for humans for avoiding danger, not advice for women in particular for avoiding rape in particular.
You'd almost think they were mor interested in scaring their readers than in giving good advice, were you the cynical type.
That article is a bizarre mix of outright fear-mongering and actual decent advice.
ReplyDelete" keep a hand free of packages as you walk to your car, and stay in the middle of the parking-lot aisle, away from vehicles, where criminals might be hiding."
That's good advice for everyone, and something I actually do. Of course, I specifically keep my gun hand free, but it's no surprise they don't make that suggestion.
"Above all, never text or talk on the phone on the way to your car--it's a sure way to encourage an attacker."
Also excellent advice. Task fixation is a very dangerous thing. I see it all the time, people walking through parking lots absorbed in their phone. Someone could be on top of them before they even realize that they're there. You're probably in more danger of getting hit by an equally inattentive driver than being attacked by a criminal, but that doesn't change the solidness of the advice.
There's a distinction between saying 'if you do this, you've got it coming' and bad people are out there, and if you avoid these things you lower your risk. I'm sure Cosmo's typically inept writing pushed the article in to the former category, but some of the advice would fit neatly into an article written more to the latter.
"I don't know about rapists; this is how I would act if there were velociraptors outside the car."
ReplyDeleteI am looking forward to the Cosmo cover story "VELOCIRAPTORS! American's Most Dangerous Predator!" I mean, they've already written most of the tips already.
someday, I want to get a bunch of smart, sassy (did I say "sassy"? I mean "snarky") women together, and write a magazine for real life women. Articles like "How to change your own oil" "How to disable an attacker with a tire iron" and "RAPE! It's NOT YOUR FAULT (despite what Cosmo says)" and "WHAT MEN WANT Cannot Be Summed Up In One Page Because Men Are Individuals With Their Own Likes and Dislikes" will be good first issue articles. No airbrushing or thigh-shrinking-Photoshop-tricks allowed. You're totally on my short list for staff writers.
Elmo - Man... Can you imagine a world where mainstream women's magazines gave advice on how to diagnose and fix a stopped car, rather than advising they hide in it?
ReplyDeleteThat's why I sometimes read men's magazines, actually. They always have interesting advice on things like how to buy power tools and how to cook a steak. Advice I can use!
zeeke42 - It was the phrasing of "encourage an attacker" that got to me in that one. I agree that walking around in a Bubble of Obliviousness is bad news, but it doesn't "encourage" anything.
I look forward to Cosmocking every month, and I have to say, I can see why you gave this article its own post. These writers seem to think we live in a long ago time, before laws and consequences. I would like to see an article about what to do if you are attacked. Maybe some self-defense advertising. Tell me the pros and cons of mace, walk me through the process of getting a concealed carry permit. Oh, wait, I forgot. Delicate that I am, I probably shouldn't even know what mace is, or how to hold a gun. Those are man things, after all.
ReplyDeleteYou know, I've lived in this area for over five years and I have yet to see a single full-service gas station. Clearly, I should just find a man to drive me everywhere.
ReplyDelete"There's a distinction between saying 'if you do this, you've got it coming' and bad people are out there, and if you avoid these things you lower your risk."
ReplyDeleteWell, yesssss...but it's a really fine line sometimes, and still puts all the onus of staying safe on the actual victims. This awesome blog: http://yesmeansyesblog.wordpress.com/ points out that there's really only one factor that EVERY SINGLE RAPE has in common: the presence of a rapist. That would be the thing we need to change in order to keep women safe.
Yes Means Yes posits that instead of lecturing women that we should all wear burqas and have a chaperone at all times, society as a whole should focus on stopping the rapists themselves. Date rape and acquaintance rape are far, far more common than the stereotypical "stranger in a parking lot" scenario we're all taught. There are guys out there who date rape women repeatedly and their friends and acquaintances know about it but don't do anything. We need to tell these guys in no uncertain terms that what they've been doing is rape (because statistics show that the rapists don't think of it that way). We need to eject these guys from our social circles. And we need to identify the signs that a guy is setting up a new victim and intervene before anything happens.
Why don't men's magazines have articles on how to identify rapists (so the reader can step in before it happens) or articles on what constitutes consent? Why don't more women's magazines tell us that acquaintance rape is the most common kind, and teach us to identify when a guy is sussing us out as a potential victim? For that matter, why don't women's magazines have diagrams of simple self-defense moves instead of Five Simple Moves To Firm Your Tummy? But no, it all eventually comes down to restricting women's social and physical freedom under the guise of keeping them safe.
Also: if I'm in an area that feels skeevy, I will actually make a point of calling a friend. I make sure to stay aware of my surroundings while we talk, and I periodically tell my friend exactly where I am so that if something goes down s/he can call the police for me (I'm slow and weak, so if I'm attacked I know I won't have time to dial 911 myself).
ReplyDeleteSpecial bonus: if I'm being stalked, the guy will hear me say "I just passed Queen Street, heading north on Dufferin. If I'm suddenly silent or you hear something weird, CALL THE COPS." Chances are nobody's gonna approach me after that.
People like the authors don't actually know what "under any circumstances" means. They just use it as a term of emphasis, akin to "really, really" or "seriously" or "literally." I hate them a little bit.
ReplyDeleteAlso, that bit about the parking lot being "eerily deserted" is a little weird. If an open area is deserted, you're pretty safe. The reason such a scene is eery to us is that in any wild area with cover of any kind, such silence is unusual and often means that some sort of larger creature has been moving through recently--everything else is hiding. But unless your rapist is Chuck Norris, the other people in the parking lot aren't going to scatter in fear and find hiding places because he walked by.
Again, as pointed out above, most rapes are committed by acquaintances. Women learning to see the first perhaps sutle signals of disrespect/ boundery infrigments is the most important thing. Women are taught to please men, not watch and see exactly how they are being treated and if there is any aspect of the guys behavior that makes you feel unsafe. He sits closer than you want. moves his hands to areas your not entirely comfortable with. Always pushing to see what he can get away with. Only 20% of rapes are the sterotypical stranger rapes. If the majority of rapes are not the stereotype, what is going on between men/ women and society. A lot of denial. thats what. Men have a lot to learn to before dynamics between men and women get any where near healthy. But the start would be accurate reporting of what rape actually is.
ReplyDeleteOn a somewhat related note, nobody is safe from rape while traveling through Montana, Wyoming, or South Dakota. Women from outside those areas are simply more at risk mainly because they look like women. The local women in these areas have developed thick exteriors and generous amounts of facial hair as a defense mechanism over time. If your car breaks down and you start hearing banjo music you lock your doors and shoot on sight.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the comment that women need to learn to identify signs of disrespect. In my own life, recognizing these signs has helped me get the hell out of dodge - and the one time I ignored my own discomfort, I ended up regretting it. It's important to have standards for how people treat you and get the hell out of dodge if those standards are being disrespected. Culturally, women are supposed to put up with a lot of sleazy behavior. The truth is that we can and should leave, and we shouldn't have to worry about whose feelings we hurt on our way out.
ReplyDeleteI also agree with Holly's comment about women fixing their own cars. I'm not a mechanic, but I know the basics of how my car works :-D. Every time I pull over men who know even less about cars than I do try to "help" me. It's insulting. If you actually know a lot about cars, fine, offer to help. If I'm standing around looking confused, fine, offer to help. But if I'm actively in the process of fixing a problem then I don't need random men with no real expertise walking over and giving half baked advice. I know they're trying to be polite, but I also know that they wouldn't treat a man the same way. I might be female, but I'm not helpless.
...also, I'm glad that no one ever said "be careful, random men at gas stations are going to try to rape you." That would just make life waaaay more stressful than it needs to be.
Well, yes, most of this might make sense if you're feeling uncomfortable and ill at ease in a given situation, so, okay.
ReplyDeleteIf you feel better having a store clerk walk you across the parking lot, by all means, go ahead.
But please, don't make it some kind of rule for everyone out there.
I live in a small and safe town in an equally small and safe country, so most of this just doesn't apply to me.
If I feel uncertain about going somewhere, I usually have a friend or a member of my family come with me and if I have to walk home alone in the dark, I call someone, so that they come pick me up or at least know where I am.
But that's not rape prevention. That's just something I do to make me feel better.
(And maybe I have the wrong percpective, never having driven a car and living in a place where the next village is seldom more than half an hour (by foot) away, but wouldn't the danger of driving alone in the night be more about falling asleep at the wheel than about being randomly raped while in a car running about 100 kilometers per hour?)
wouldn't being on a phone call be a /good/ thing? the person on the other end of the call could hear you screaming and call the police for you, since if you're attacked in a parking lot you probably don't have time to call 911 yourself.
ReplyDelete