Life lesson learned: gentle sex can leave me painfully sore. The problem is that roughness turns me on. Call me ruined for life by my perverted ways, but roughness is the only thing that turns me on. It doesn't have to be brutality, I don't have to be grabbed by the hair and thrown on the floor (although, God, I wouldn't mind that) but you gotta handle me like you know I'm not gonna break. I'm a chew toy, not an eggshell, yanno?
When a guy is ridiculously gentle, when he just sort of skims his hands over me with tremendous delicacy and reserve, I don't get turned on. I don't get wet and my vagina doesn't relax. My pussy is a wondrously changeable thing, and when I'm having a good time you can get the Edmonton Oilers in there; when I'm not having a good time a pencil is way too much.
So if you treat me like some sort of delicate tissue-paper woman, then try to penetrate me, it's going to hurt. In the bad way. It's a weird thing, pain from being overstretched never strikes me exactly as pain, but more as a strong unpleasant sensation, like tasting something too sour. With my vagina. It's not super fun.
I think there's some crypto-sexism in handling women like they're delicate china toys. Certainly not all women want it painfully rough, but when you're touching a woman super mega tentatively, I think you're failing on some level to think of her as a human being like yourself. Do you jerk off with dainty little butterfly tickles? I'm not some delicate creature, man. What a person can take, I can take.