So the latest ridiculous thing that the Internet seems to be coming down awfully hard on is "vajazzling"--the adornment of the crotchal region with goofy little crystals. (They call it the "vagina," because apparently everything between a woman's navel and her knees is "vagina" these days.)
I really don't have a problem with this. It's silly, but is it moronic, wasteful, self-hating, patriarchal, all men's fault, all women's fault, a conspiracy of Big Business? Nah. It's one of those t-shirt transfers, I think. Although I hope they're not using the iron-on glue.
There are two main differences between this, and things like labia dye and plastic surgery that do give me the heebie jeebies:
1) It's optional. No one is going around implying that women with unbedazzling crotches are ugly old man-haters. Women are clearly doing this on a giggly lark, not constantly keeping up with the bedazzling in a desperate attempt to still feel desirable. I have great, great difficulty envisioning vajazzling becoming the new normal.
2) It's artificial. No one is implying that a good vagina should grow its own dazzle. Labia dye is marketed to "correct discoloration" ('scuse me, I'd just call it "coloration"...) and surgery to "restore a youthful look and feel"--bedazzling is clearly an extra. Even shaving seems to be seen as a "correction" of "extra" hair sometimes; bedazzling obviously corrects nothing... except an insufficiently fabulous crotch.
Some people were even making the "why not give the money to Haiti" argument, to which my only answer is that I just bought a medium coffee, and I could have gotten a small coffee and given the 25 cents to Haiti, but I didn't because I am a terrible person.
But what really gets to me is that all these people harshing on groindazzling are telling women what to do with their own bodies and their own money. They're going out there claiming to be anti-patriarchy, anti-dominance, pro-woman, and then they're issuing orders to women! On a very personal and very inconsequential-for-society topic! And then calling women stupid and frivolous and brainwashed for not falling in line with their demands! WAY TO BE FEMINIST, PEOPLE.
So that's my 400 words on crotchdazzlement. Boy, I'm making good use of my time these days.
(Actually I am, I passed my EMT certification test today. And I did it with a plain old boring crotch. Which was quite the handicap, let me tell ya.)