Sunday, March 14, 2010

Nein! Ja! ...Guten Tag?

I'm going to Hamburg, Germany for the next two weeks to visit my dad. Leaving Monday, back on the 29th. Which is awesome, albeit sort of crazy because there was really short notice and I'm still not settled in to the first unfamiliar city where they speak an unfamiliar language. It's a little frightening that I don't speak any German; my dad assures me that a lot of Germans know English, so... thank God for cultural hegemony, I guess.

Well, that's two weeks I won't have to be worried about getting laid, I guess. Phooey. I mean, anything's possible when you're a wide-eyed American abroad going "oh ja, I always wanted to learn a foreign tongue", but there's the Dad Factor. I'm going to be staying in his apartment and pretty much with him the whole time, which is a fairly major cockblock.

I guess that means I should totally try and get laid today. It might be my last chance! Why am I still sitting here in my pajamas? (Because pajamas are comfy! Why can't comfort be sexy? I want to go out to a sleazy bar in my jammies and have guys say "well, looks like you're ready for bed.")

Anyway, I'll take my laptop and probably post from Deutschland, but I don't know if there will be impediments.

It's too bad it'll be cold there, I understand in the summer you can run around parks and beaches in the nakey in Europe. And they have naked advertisements! Especially boobs, maybe not so much crotch, but I understand they're very relaxed about boobs over there.

Europe! Exciting! Kind of insane right now! But I think it'll be awesome! Maybe I can wear my pajamas there!

Ich will Sex wie ein verrückter Affe haben...

P.S.: Oh my. I just read a webpage on cultural advice for Americans in Germany and it specifically mentioned "don't make any Nazi jokes." Yeah... I kinda figured. (It's double funny because I'm Jewish. Awkward...)


  1. My German isn't that great, but I think that says "I will be having sex with a wackier ape..."

  2. "Ich bin ein Perverser. Bitte bestrafen mein Hintern."

  3. Not Me - It was supposed to be "I want to have crazy monkey sex."

    Bruno - I should write that down on a card I can hand out, so there's no misunderstandings.

  4. Don't mention the war!

  5. I heard that they arrested a guy a few years ago for running around naked in a shopping area in Munich because he heard that germans are ok with that :-D

    The sentence with the crazy monkey sex is perfectly fine!

    "Kratz mich, beiß mich, gib mir Tiernamen!"

  6. The porn is often disgusting, but that's subjective, of course. They used to have live sex shows in the Reeperbahn (red light district where the Beatles got their start), don't know if they still do. A landmark that can be seen anywhere in the city is the bombed-out remains of St. Nicholas Cathedral. You should be able to take trains to nicer places.

  7. I'm German and i live in Berlin.

    Bruno - Correct would be: "Bitte bestrafe meinen Hintern." But it sounds strange. I would say "Bitte bestrafe mich."

    Nazi jokes are okay when you're talking to younger people. And as a Jew you can say whatever you want. That's an unwritten law.