Wednesday, March 3, 2010

How to have the Big O.

On my post about little and big orgasms, a couple of women said they'd only had little ones and asked me how to do the big ones.

Well, step one is to be born in suburban Massachusetts in November to Ashkenazi Jewish parents... I don't know, I've always been like this, I never had to try, it's probably genetic or something.

That said, here are some things that seem to help me have big orgasms on my own, so I present them for your enrichment:

-A lot of times the big O is the second one. I have a little orgasm, rest a few minutes, then go again and have a big one.

-Having something nice and filling in my vagina and/or butt helps a lot.

-Fantasizing, as opposed to porn or just "relaxing," helps a lot. And not gauzy-toned dainty little "my secret garden" fantasies, I'm talking rough wet brutal assfucking fantasies. Might just be me.

-Having phone sex helps a lot. For some fascinating power-of-the-mind reason, good phone sex gives me the same physical reactions as actually being touched by someone else.

-Hold off on the little O's; stop when you feel them coming, take a few seconds, and then restart after you've cooled down.

-Try and get somewhere with enough privacy that you can make noise and squirm around and you won't have to worry what anyone else thinks. I can't even have little O's if I'm trying to hide while I masturbate.

-Accept that it's going to be completely embarrassing, and embrace it. You're going to make icky noises and move in icky ways and emit icky fluids. If you try to suppress any of the ickiness you're going to miss out on the big O.

-Squirting is not mandatory. I've never squirted (although I do produce quite a lot of lady-juice, just not forcefully) and I have big ol' orgasms.

-When all else fails, vaginal intercourse with someone you like will just about always give you a big O.

...Might just be me.


  1. Gosh! I'd never call a woman's sexual emissions as "icky." But, then again, I love giving cunnilingus and sexual body fluids are a turn-on for me.

  2. I have similar responses -- little clitoral orgasms that I can have pretty quickly, like when I'm masturbating or just grinding on a partner; much bigger, much more intense G-spot orgasms that usually come *after* a clitoral O, or else after I've almost-come-but-not and then keep playing. Penetration is essential for my G-spot O. I haven't squirted yet, but I am working on it!

    Ignacio Rivera (Papi Coxxx) ( did a G-spot workshop at Dark Odyssey this weekend, and demo'd their awesome squirtiness with the same approximate formula. In their case, it went: pocket rocket on the clit (plus audience volunteers to play with nipples etc.), quick clitoral O, then switch to the hard curved dildo and go after that G spot! It was really fun to watch.


  3. For me, the most important things were:

    1. Don't be self-conscious
    2. With penetration, the angle matters
    3. Consciously contracting vaginal muscles helps a lot
    4. So does having a partner who knows what he's doing (note that this does not mean Mr. Let Me Show You The Awesome Sex Skills I Learned From Porn).

  4. "When all else fails, vaginal intercourse with someone you like will just about always give you a big O."

    Trust me. That ones just you!

  5. Ed - I'm speaking to women who sometimes find their own sexual responses offputtingly undignified. Or, in fewer words, "icky."

    Flightless - Is squirting something you can achieve by working on it? I was under the impression that some people do it naturally and some people just don't. Personally I don't think it matters--if I can have awesome orgasms anyway, might as well save on laundry.

  6. Not to brag or nothin', Holly, but I've only had those "little Os" you've described (where you don't feel like masturbating anymore but nothing much really happened) when I was on antidepressants.

    Most of my solo ones are medium, I guess. Partner-given ones tend to be HUGE. I've analyzed this and believe it's because my partner's technique is, by default, not as good as mine (no, bear with me here...).

    I tend to be utilitarian in my wankings. I do exactly what it takes to get myself off as quickly as possible. If someone else is tending to my needs, however, he won't be making the constant little adjustments to his movements, pressure, etc. that I instinctively make. It amounts to teasing, really: a whole lot of action that's so-good-but-just-not-quite-what-I-need-goddammit and when I finally do orgasm it explodes my brain.

    So yeah, I second the idea of getting yourself close and then stopping for a minute as a means of increasing the O-power.

  7. Holly, I'm pretty sure some women "can't" squirt, but I'm also pretty sure that many women can learn.

    It's mental ("It's not pee") as well as physical -- the more you play with your G-spot the more sensitive it seems to get.

    But I can't tell you how to, my Y chromosome precludes that :-)

  8. "When all else fails, vaginal intercourse with someone you like will just about always give you a big O."

    This one is not just you! My man almost always helps me have big yummy orgasms! He's learned how to hit my g-spot the way I like, and it's best when he mind-fucks me as well. mmm!

    I squirt, and it certainly doesn't happen all the time, I can't predict it. But I find it really helps if I'm well hydrated, and teased a LOT. There has to be a looooot of clitoral stimulation first, but the teasing kind, where it takes forever to get any kind of orgasm, and no vaginal touching, not until I need it so bad I'm begging and half crying.

    I dunno if all women do this, but when I'm being fucked I tend to clench the cock inside me for all I'm worth. Feels better, but it also seem to trigger something in my g-spot that helps with the squirting.

    Then when the moment of orgasm comes there is an urge to...'bear down'. When younger I was always afraid, not only because this felt kinda like peeing, but because I was worried I was pushing him out of me, or worse yet by loosening my cunt muscles I might feel 'big' to him. Once I got over that foolishness and just went with it, I was gushing on his belly button. Man, are they lovely exhausting orgasms! Sometimes I'll even have two in a row is there's more teasing, and g-spot rubbing after the first one!

  9. Ignacio's advice was that greater awareness of your G-spot and what gets you off, as well as better muscle tone*, will make it much more likely that you can squirt, and be able to control whether you're going to squirt or not. That doesn't mean every femalebodied person can do it, but it can often be learned.

    I've definitely had much more intense G-spot orgasms since I've been practicing :-) so I am hoping I'll eventually get to the point where I can gush!


    *Quote of the Day: "Fisting is like taking your cunt to the gym." --Ignacio Rivera