Sunday, July 25, 2010

Burying the hatchet, and other debauchery.

The following are SO VERY NWS and also document why you should probably buy stock in Tylenol today.

Fun with Sharpies!
Question: is it still "humiliation" if you're not just unfazed, but downright proud?

My back, in an early state of deconstruction.

My back with Ronco Rocker.
I do think it's cool that although there's less than 24 hours between the photos, most of the marks from the first one are completely gone. I've got Wolverine Healing Powers. Also note the second "WHORE," of course.

So yeah, that's a hatchet. It's a fucking hatchet. (Also, I am the kind of slob who leaves her watch on in bed. Ugh, I'm disgusted with myself.)

And honestly, it's a fucking shame that I don't show my face on the blog (and I'm sure as hell not showing it in the same frame as that), because I think the whole tone of the photo is changed when you can see that I'm laughing my fucking ass off. Decontextualized, it looks sort of fucked up and degrading; in context, my attitude was much more "hey dude check this out" than "this is what I've sunken to."

My breasts the next morning.
Christ that's sore! Christ that's awesome.


  1. "My back with Ronco Rocker"

    Behold, Excalibur.

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  3. Note to self: next time, when you decide to comment on a post, read the whole damned post, including the title.

  4. If I get that close to your breasts again I absolutely MUST do a fuckload more damage to them than I did. Those breasts just scream out for more surface destruction.

  5. Jesus, Lord Snuffy, that's just about the worst they've ever had it already. A fuckload more would be... a fuckload more.


  6. Wow, they didn't look too damaged in the photo (or in person). I feel like there's vast, unplowed territory to work over there -- it's an intellectual challenge, almost.

  7. Did the hatchet at least have a condom over the end you were using?

    What happened to "chicken wing, anus" and safe sex toys. A hatchet is not a dildo! I mean you don't know where that thing has been! Not to mention the sharp edge but you weren't using the sharp edge of that particular instrument. In these photos.

  8. @ K:

    No condom over the hatchet handle; the hatchet handle is covered with non-porous heavy-duty rubber, and smooth and without edges or points in the material.

    A chicken wing? Now, that would have scared the living shit out of me.

    There's no such thing as safe sex toys, only safe(R) sex toys (any toy can kill, used improperly). A hatchet is a chopping tool -- but also a slicing tool, a scraping tool, a hammer, a pry bar, a paperweight, a mirror, a conversation piece, a drink stirrer, and a dildo -- among other things. You may want to broaden your definition of what constitutes a sex toy.

    Holly didn't use the sharp edge -- but I did, on her. However, I'm known to wield pretty a gentle and reasonably skilled hatchet.

    Holly didn't know where the hatchet had been, but then, she didn't know where ~I~ had been prior to the hatchet play evening. It's all about the dignity of risk. Holly made some choices, I did too, and the experience was richly rewarding, at least from my perspective. You seem quite troubled by the hatchet play; do you have some reason to assume that Holly was making bad choices in her play?

  9. @ Drew: I'm assuming that you delivered the 'Behold, Excalibur' line in your best Nicol Williamson voice.

    "A Dream to some... a nightmare... to others!"

  10. Holy shit a hatchet. That's fucking awesome.

  11. Holly's Awesomeness Rating has increased due to a hatchet. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHA. That's wonderful.

  12. K - The hatchet handle was, as Lord Snuffy says, nonporous and smooth. And there was definitely nothing that was going to get stuck in there. While I wouldn't characterize hatchet-play as smart exactly, it wasn't blatantly dangerous.

  13. I'm so jealous! Not of the damage, I can sustain that much, but right now, I don't have the peer group that plays that nasty hot.

  14. I think a hatchet is a touch too unusual a dildo to be "fucked up and degrading"; it goes over the line into "surreal".

  15. @ John B --

    And this was a pretty mellow deal (both the 1:1 night and the [following] party night); both myself and my peer group held back a lot, as Holly was new to us (and us to her). Hell, we didn't even break out the Sawzall or the buggy whip (Come to think of it, Tommy was there for those parties, too -- Tommy, you hardcore pervy bastard!).

    @ Anon --

    What's so surreal about a hatchet? I mean, she only dildo'd with the dull end. The sharp end was only used for back play, not internally.

    Now, a platypus with a bad coke habit, a Truman Capote lisp and a pork pie hat -- THAT would be a surreal dildo.


  16. I once masturbated with the handle of a hammer (Sadly, I was all alone). It felt good.

    On another note, Holly I love reading about your escapades. We're close in age (I'm a bit younger then you I think) and reading about your kinky fun reminds me of the kinky fun I used to have before I married a very vanilla man. His idea of kinky is anal. Le Sigh. :)

    Keep rockin' on girl.