Thursday, December 16, 2010

Everything once.

This afternoon I taught myself to solder components to a circuit board. I didn't really have a specific project to do, just a soldering iron and a practice board and the feeling that it's one of those skills I really ought to have. And I had the funny feeling, fitting resistors and capacitors into the board, that this wasn't so different from learning to take a fist.

Er. It's not exactly the same. But there are far more feelings in common than you'd expect. The sensation of learning to use your muscles in a new way, the initial rush of "wow, this is easier than it looks" followed by the setting in of "no, there are tricky parts and I won't be an expert on my first day", and the unparalleled pleasure of gaining a new skill. (And overcoming fear; soldering is more frightening to me than fisting, because my spatial perception is so screwy that I have to focus very hard not to touch the iron to my skin, whereas my tactile perception in my vagina is quite fine indeed.)

I want to try everything once. Everything that isn't evil or dangerous, at least. Even if I weren't at all bisexual, I think I would still have to have sex with a girl once, just to have done it. And indeed I don't like buttsex, but nonetheless I'm glad I've gotten fucked up the ass a couple times. To never try something, to die without even knowing what it's like, seems horrifying to me. I once had the opportunity to eat mealworms and I turned it down, and I'm still kicking myself.

I'm only going to live so long. I want to live a lot. I want experiences broad and deep, but if I have to choose, I choose broad. I have, at age 25, lived in 13 cities or towns, held 9 jobs (not counting innumerable short-term gigs; these are only the multi-month formal employments, here), and, by now, fucked 27 people. I suppose you could see this as a sign of some disquiet in me, a sign that I haven't found what I'm looking for--but this is what I'm looking for. I don't want one simple life. Although, you know, maybe I could try that for a bit...


  1. You can go to any pet shop and pick up a couple meal worms for less than a buck :)

  2. I know exactly what you mean. It's always the things I did not do that I regret more than anything. I can work through my mistakes just fine. (Oh, and we have the same opinion of buttsex.)

  3. I never thought I would see someone equate learning to solder with being fisted. That was quite the eye opener.

  4. I totally get what you're saying. I'm still kicking myself for chickening out of the circle pit last concert I went to.

  5. I remember the first time I touched the soldering iron with my hand. I'd burned myself on hot components before, but this was the first time I put my hand directly on it.

    What I remember is the smell. I somehow smelled it before I felt the pain. I suspect the nerve endings at the spot were instantly destroyed, and the pain was secondary to inflammation in the surrounding tissue.

    And I didn't yell, or even yelp. I turned to the other grad student in the room and said, conversationally, "Ow." I went to the sink to run some cold water on my hand, and thought about the smell again.

    It smelled delicious.

  6. I love the smell of fucken melting fuming solder!!!!!!!!!!!!

  7. You can believe I will be mentioning this the next time I have to solder something at work. Good on yeh!