Wednesday, December 22, 2010


Sorry about the posting lull. Work's been brutal. I get home and I'm just whoof until it's time to go out again. I think it's just the season(I don't know why Christmas would make people get sick more, but it seems somehow inevitable by ER logic that it would), and things will be saner around January 2nd.


It occurred to me that my greatest fear when it comes to being outed to family, coworkers, or other kink-unaware people in my life is not that they'll find it shocking or bizarre. (I'm maybe a little afraid that they'll find it totally boring and unremarkable, and then what will I do with myself?) My greatest fear is that they'll find it gross. There's a certain cachet to being "that weird girl who goes to freak parties and does some freaky shit." There's no cachet whatsoever to being "that gross girl who goes to disgusting parties and does some nauseating shit."

I'm weirdly torn. Part of me gets off on having a shocking secret identity. The other part of me wishes that constant lies-of-omission weren't a part of my life. Partly because I'm naturally a very (probably too) open person, and partly because I think all the squares in my life just think I'm boring. Because I can't say "I was at a fetish party and I got spanked inside a spaceship," and I don't want to make up some elaborate lie, I apparently do nothing with my Saturday nights. I met all my friends "at a coffeeshop" and when we get together we "hang out." Whooo.

Fortunately, the answer to all my nail-biting is simple--anyone who doesn't know me well enough to know the "real" me doesn't actually give a crap one way or another. They're way too busy fretting over what I must think of them.


  1. I'm guessing copious alcohol consumption plays a part in boosting ER admissions.

  2. Why can you no say you be spank inside spaceship at fetish party, Ms Holly? If colleague at big drugged company say that for me in response for "How be your weekend?" Svutlana be extreme impress and never forget this person.

    In fact, Svutlana may use your line one day, whether be spank inside spaceship or no...

    In general, sex life either be bore, gross or total fuck hilarious. Svutlana prefer total fuck hilarious, but gross be close second. No want for be bore simple because if Svutlana sex life bore others, probable sex life bore me too. With respect for gross, Svutlana have theory that peoples who curl lip with say too adamant that they be gross out be kindred spirits for you, but can absolute no admit it.

  3. Possibly people get sick more because they're travelling and so exposed to more variety of germs?

    Svutlana-- I totally get Holly's reservation. You don't want to freak out all your coworkers and be "that weird girl who talks about sex all the time". Even if she's not revealing any more than everyone else is, it still feels weird, for the same reason that someone with one boyfriend is dating them and two is fucking them, i.e., people are fucked up about sexuality in general and non-normative sexuality in particular.

  4. I actually had a (very uptight and religious) friend post the word "Gross" as a comment on three pictures of me getting birthday kisses, not even FRENCH birthday kisses!

    Needless to say I defriended her.