Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Know your BDSMers.

I just can't stop being intolerant! It's funny too, because I had a really nice day today--I spent most of the day on a long beautiful drive through the mountains with some of the first really good weather of the year--and then I come home and get on the computer and sound like I'm some massive grouchypuss when in fact I'm feeling quite pleasant.


Know Your BDSMers.
1: Happy Sparkle Fairy Girl. "Oh my GODDESS I love being hitted it's like ZOMG the BESTEST! HUGS! Oh wows there are new people here! HUGS FOR THEM TOO!"

2: Very New Master. "So, uh, do you want to, uh, do some stuff if that's, uh, okay... we'll do whatever you're into, I don't really have any ideas of my own."

3: Very Old Master. "Yeah, I've been doing nipple suspensions and quadruple bullwhippings for twenty years now, I don't have any time for kids, move along now."

4: Extremely Upfront Woman. "Nice to meet you, so tell me, what are you into sexually? I like cunnilingus--giving and receiving both, heh--having my nipples stimulated, and paddling when I play with my husband or either of my poly girlfriends. Oh, I know you didn't ask, I'm just being open with my sexuality."

5: Kilt Man. [Walks around, wearing kilt.]

6: The Persecuted Minority. "Does anyone know where to find a kink-friendly pizza delivery service? I just can't stand the thought of some vanilla pizza guy accidentally glimpsing a piece of rope in my house and reporting me to the Republicans!"

7: The Body Confident. "Ooh, look at those curves! That's what a real woman looks like, so beautiful and natural and bountiful, not like all those FUCKING SKINNY BITCHES WHO ARE ALL ANOREXIC WHORES FUCK THEM."

8: The Living Self-Help Book. "Excuse me, but I'd like to respectfully dialogue with you about how you're intersecting my self-actualization in the way you relate to my space as a sexual and spiritual being."

9: I Work At Microsoft. "Up until recently I used VS 6 quite a bit and found the code wizard quite handy; I have a number of Form Views in my application and I've been able to access the Events, Overrides, and Messages from the Properties window when I'm in the .h file for the Form. But I just created a CDialog derived class for a pop up window, and when I go to the .h the property page gives me no options." [three inches away from a bound woman being fisted]

10: The Filthy, Filthy Liar. "My wife isn't kinky, but she's given me her full permission to come here to seek outlets for those desires she's not comfortable with. She's very understanding."

Additional Twisty Faster mocking, because it's too soon to do another line-by-line takedown but ooh I wish I could:

Don't make fun of the lady having fourteen kids, because EVERY mother is just as stupid and patriarchy-enslaved! That sure is an... original angle.

You'd think a feminist would at least like women, really...


  1. OK, hold on a sec.

    I'm the kilted guy. Was even at a munch in Milwaukee last week (was visiting a friend, and she wanted to go).

    Had quite an interesting (though short) discussion about how my wearing a kilt as often as I can is a fetish in itself (me arguing against: I wear it because it's comfortable)...

    And I think I'm just gonna ignore Twisted, in hopes she chokes on her vitriol and goes away...

  2. OMG I'm totally Happy Sparkle Fairy Girl!! Ack! Should I be ashamed?

    Kilt guy totally cracked me up.

  3. Strings - I made no assumptions or value judgements on Kilt Man. I merely observed that he's always there.

  4. Given that I like to mock the mockable when I'm in a good mood and just snarl and say "bah" when I'm actually NOT...

    Either way, I giggled like a fiend.

  5. I've been #10, it's no fun. One of the things that bugged me was that poly people were always sticking up for my primary relationship, even when it was a case of "We've talked it out and I really DO have permission." I think that straight men are punished by so-called "kink" communities for unattractiveness in all sorts of ways, one of which is the "No one who looks like YOU can believably have multiple partners, or permission from your primary partner to play."

    But, y'know, whatever works for everyone else...

  6. ...It would be nice if people listened to me, but they don’t, so you can count on women, whose reproductive functions are owned by both the state and whatever cultural conditioning they happen to have internalized, to have babies all the time.

    Actually, I kind of think that women have babies because (a) they want to have kids or (b) that's sort of the default result of having heterosexual intercourse over a long enough period of time.

    Anyway, poor Twisty. If only people would realize that radical feminists, not the Patriarchy, should be in charge of uteruses.

  7. I've been to exactly one munch--Wife and I went at the urging of one of her co-workers.

    #6: The group has been kicked out of several munch locations--Of course it is persecution.

    #9: The one I met was an elite hacker with an amazing line of BS. He really did work at a computer company...on the assembly line.

    #10 In theory I could make the same claim without telling a lie. I don't know if it would hold true in practice.

  8. I am seven of those people. I should buy a kilt.