Thursday, May 7, 2009

Everyone already knows how to lose.

Does it really matter what obviously doesn't work in online dating? This blog would be getting me a hell of a lot more fame 'n' fortune if I knew what does. Fame 'n' fortune 'n' men with no shirts on.

But douchebaggery is entertaining, so everyone, meet John Fitzgerald Page! He's briefly been in the same room with Dick Cheney, he's been an extra or even unnamed bit part in fourteen films, and, most importantly, he has an 8.9 on HotorNot! That's, like, almost a 9!

Also, he can "bench/squat/leg press over 1200 lbs.," which means that he is either The Incredible Hulk, he's adding his amounts together (hey, I can bench/squat/leg press/clean and jerk/bicep curl/deadlift/military press over 1200 lbs.!), or blah blah blah and he's also the crown prince of Unicornland.


  1. She surely lost the mate of a lifetime.

  2. Check out his acting CV:

    'Television & Roles:
    Dr. Phil Show - "Male Egos - Out of Control"'

    Complete lack of self-awareness. Brilliant.

  3. Dude, almost a nine! ALMOST A NINE!!

  4. So he's ragingly insecure despite everything and can't be gracious about rejection...where have I heard/seen that before?

  5. The Dr. Phil bit isn't quite as awesome, but still has plenty of schadenfreude:

    (And seriously -- Dr. Phil on out-of-control egos?)

  6. Oh Eurosabra! You must mean me! What a totally on-target zinger! I mean ZING! Consider me zinged!

  7. Only 1200# and he's throwing in leg press? What a lightweight! I can do 1300# on leg press alone!

    That doesn't give me license to be a douchebag, though. How about a little ACTUAL COVERSATION with someone. Life isn't always about sex, y'know! It sounds like he's looking for a Stepford wife.

  8. No, actually I meant *me*.

    My friend--yes, we grew up in the same neighborhood--Paul Janka is worse than John Fitzgerald Page when it comes to bringing Teh Creepy, according to Jezebel and a few other websites, but he now lives in NYC and to judge by my email inbox, women who like that sort of thing find it the sort of thing they like.

  9. Oh look, he's calculated that his appearance is 78% identical to Johnny Depp's! Wow, how did we ever decide who we were attracted to before MyHeritage software?