Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Fakin' It.

I've faked orgasms. Not in recent times, but as a teenager I'd fake them to get him to stop.

The problem was that I knew how to turn down sex from someone I didn't care about, but I had no script for rejecting sex right now but not forever, or rejecting someone sexually without rejecting them emotionally. "No means NO" is easy; "not right now, honey, no offense" took some learning. And for his part he never forced me into anything, never intimidated me, he did something much more sinister: he'd whine. He'd mope and pout and say of course he respected my decision but whhhhy.

It was always about pleasuring me, too. He didn't get like this if I wouldn't suck his dick or fuck him; he'd do it when he wanted to finger me or eat me out. 90% of the time I just enjoyed it straight up, I'm not exactly a hard woman to please, but when it wasn't working for me or I was tired or just not in the mood, I found that a quick "OHHHH... ohh, that was great baby, you wore me out" was faster and easier than having to pat his hand and reassure him and explain myself for thirty minutes. It ended the discomfort and made him happy, win-win!

The most annoying was when he found out I could have multiples, then started insisting I produce them on demand. "I want to make you come three times, baby." Aw fuck, man, just making the noises for that is going to be exhausting!

But the saddest thing is that there were a couple of times I didn't know the difference. When something would feel really good but I'd start moaning because I knew it was expected, and I couldn't tell the difference myself between the moaning I was doing to placate him and the moaning I would have done anyway. And when you've become a little too skilled at the art of moaning and clenching and writhing--there were times when I genuinely don't know if I had an orgasm or not. Or if I would've had one if I wasn't so busy putting on a show.

I haven't done this in years now. (Certainly not with you, baby.) The irony is that I really am ridiculously orgasmic and ridiculously showy about it, no faking required. But I've gotten better at saying no, and that doesn't mean I'm having much less sex or treating men worse; it means that when I say yes I mean it.


  1. I'm the only comment? Damn.

    Well then, let me elaborate a bit...

    Apparently from the informal poll I've taken, guys faking it is pretty rare. No offense... but sometimes it just ain't happening. You can't control a stiffy... its a physiological (might have mistyped that) reaction, just ask Reaves' wife (the actor who played superman for the unknowing crew).

    Guess the best way to say it is :
    You get me hard... I'll do my damnest to make you have an orgasm. Its my gift to you... maybe I will, maybe I won't... but to me it doesn't matter... the journey felt really good, and I did enjoy it.

    Reading back this response... hopefully someone will understand, that's all that matters.

  2. I've faked it.

    It just wasn't going to happen, and I believe she would have felt ?ineffective? if I went limp in the act.

  3. Faked em myself once or twice. I'm of the same opinion that Dan expressed in his second comment. I fully enjoy the sex, honey, but sometimes, for any number of reasons, I can't finish. It's nothing she's done wrong, it's one of a list of external reasons. And I see no reason that an external hiccup should be allowed to bring her down.

  4. 2 thoughts: I HATE the "I going to make you cum X amount of times" thing. Or even "I going to make you cum." I love sex but sometimes I have a hard timing truly orgasming, it's not always an every single time deal. I mean I always feel good and enjoy myself, I just don't necessarily CUM everytime and I hate feeling pressured that I have to cum for a guy to stop or feel validated about himself.

    Secondly, I've found sometimes I won't be having so much fun but if I start acting a tad more enthusiastic that I it can actually HELP me enjoy it more. I don't know if I feel sexier, or the way I breath when I moan heightens the arousal but sometimes and little faking to start helps me actually get the deal! Go figure.

  5. I think everyone, and I mean everyone, has faked it at least 3 times in the course of their life.

    @Dan - I got a chill from your comment "You get me hard... I'll do my damnest to make you have an orgasm. Its my gift to you..." Can you teach a class on this? I wish I was lucky enough to have a man be that considerate.

  6. @Black Pearl - Thank you, I think that is the nicest thing anyone has said to me in my almost 40 years of existence... it made my night.

    There is more on the subject, but words are failing me... big time.

  7. Ok, tenth rereading of your post Holly...

    I think the biggest thing is communication between BOTH parties. Otherwise it just ain't working. There just has to come a time where you say 'this isn't happening', let's just be naked and cuddle. And from my perspective, nothing wrong with it. I have a pretty girl that wants to snuggle naked... sweet.

    Yes, everyone has faked it a time or two... if you just want to enjoy the journey, just say something... really... it isn't going to crush me. (and I admit, the journey does feel really good). Just my thoughts.