Monday, November 30, 2009

Cuddle paradox.

On the one hand, I wish there was more nonsexual touch in my life. I wish my friends and I hugged more and that when we shared a sofa there wasn't an Invisible Line of Doom between everyone's personal bubble. I wish there were people who, whether they fucked me or not, would sometimes just cuddle.

On the other hand, I know that self-control has certain limits, and not only would some jackass go and ruin it by getting all humpy and creepy, that jackass would be me.

(I have multiple experiences getting in bed with guys with a stated intention to just cuddle, and in every case things got unintentionally way too sexual, and in every case it was mostly my doing.)


  1. Maybe I'm weird... but sometimes being naked and cuddly is nice. And yes, I've said no before. There is just something about skin on skin that just makes one content.

  2. I agree...and as someone who grew up with a nontouchy feely family (love was expressed freely but not physically), I have had to get used to hugs with friends and piling on someone's futon to watch a movie en masse and I think that it's a wonderful thing that I wish there was more of.

    When I traveled to visit a friend working in rural Asia last year, I was surprised by the physical displays of friendship and affection between men and women, and women and women, and men and men. Friends would hold hands on the street or on a park bench. It just seemed very sweet and genuine and made me a bit sad for how our society has gone the other way, with making every little thing about S-E-X, either fear of it or obsession with it, and leaving very little room for other physical contact.

  3. oh my, I think I am exactly the same way - I'd love to have more nonsexual touching in my life, and yet also I am likely to be the one who ruins/sexualizes it...


  4. I generally have the opposite problem, being that I crawl into bed intending to get laid and am too tired/drunk and just end up cuddling with the guy. Which I suppose is a good consolation prize.

    I've increased my hug comfort level from a 2 to a 4 over the last few months. Since then I find I'm more willing to hug friends and initiate it a lot more often than before.