Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Distraction.

Not dead, just got Fallout 3. Can't talk. Raiders. AUGH THERE'S ONE BEHIND ME AUUUGH BOOM HEADSHOT what was I saying?

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Anyway... I'm always sort of weirded out by the social norm of people hating their exes. I can understand if they were abusive or if the breakup was over a really major betrayal, but it seems like I see a lot of people (especially women?) calling their ex a rat bastard kind of just for being their ex. Which bothers me. I still like most of my exes, either as friends or at least as someone who represents a lot of good memories for me. The entire relationship isn't invalidated just because of how it ended.

15 comments:

  1. Good for you, Holly! My ex-wife and I are friends, & have remained so since the divorce. It may have ended badly (although I'll admit, it could've been much worse), but what about all the good times before that? Do people just write all that off?
    I loved & respected her, and vice versa; that's why we married. We still respect (and, yes, love, albeit in a different form) each other.

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  2. Most of my exes also tend to avoid me for some reason, but I am still very good friends with one girl I used to date a year ago. People are just really accustomed with "ye old ways" . I really despise that.

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  3. hrm, in my group of friends it often seems to be the other way, no matter how bad their exes are, they have trouble saying he (in this case it's all girls) was a rat bastard. They seem to take the blame all into themselves. This bothers me greatly. I mean, a guy rapes you, he beats you, he breaks your arm, but he's "not such a bad guy"?!

    In either extreme I find it weird, but it's horribly unsettling to hear otherwise well-adjusted women say "I don't want to speak badly of him", when in fact their exes were rat bastards.

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  4. "I mean, a guy rapes you, he beats you, he breaks your arm, but he's "not such a bad guy"?!"

    The proper term for such a guy is "worm food"

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  5. I'm probably not normal. When I broke up with a long term girlfriend 3 years ago, we continued to live together (rearranged to separate bedrooms) for the 10 months left on our lease. During that time, she started dating one of my best friends. A few months ago, I was the best man at their wedding. The officiant was another ex of hers who was also my and her husband's college roommate.

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  6. My girlfriend's ex-husband has had problems with relationships because they're still friends -- because they're violating the rule that you're not supposed to be friends with youe ex.

    Even though they were friends before, even though their basic personalities haven't changed, hell, even though they have a kid and so need to be at least cordial.

    (It doesn't bother me at all, on the other hand)

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  7. My girlfriends are still close friends. It would be terrible if they weren't; I'd feel so guilty.

    And on another note: Fallout 3 is pretty excellent.

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  8. I only have ill-will towards a few, nasty breakups, cheating bastards blah.

    However for most they were amicable and I tried to remain friends with them. WIth a few I actually succeeded, but it seemed more of an issue of their girlfriends/wives not wanting us to be amicable or friends than it being on either of our parts.

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  9. It's a coping mechanism, donchathink?

    I'm nothing more than Facebook friends with my ex 'cos it hurts too much. And I suspect that by now we've been divorced for longer than we were married for (which was eight years).

    *sigh*

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  10. Download the FOOK2 mod. Makes the game much better

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  11. I've seen this a few times in those "rules of dating" style articles in magazines. They all take the stance that your current partner still being friends with their exes is a sign to run run run.

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  12. I am friends with most of my exes, we just realized that we were not each others' lifetime cup of tea as it were....

    I never understood the "s/he broke with me, therefore he/she must die a horrible death! attitude that most folks carry.

    I have trouble applying that towards my enemies.

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  13. I have no trouble taking that attitude towards my enemies, I just have trouble seeing my exgirlfriend as an enemy

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  14. The only reason I am not good friends with any of my ex girlfriends is becuase a part of me is still in love with them. Nothing could ever come of this love becuase we are not together for a reason. However that small remaining flame hidden in the back of my psyche always rears it's head when I see an ex. This is normally quite easy to deal with but when I see one with a current beau I cannot help but feel a portion of the original heartbreak. So while I don't go out of my way to avoid them, I don't exactly try to see them either.

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  15. I wanted to remain friends with my exes but none were reasonable enough. One had been abusive during the relationship and scarily wouldn't keep his hands to himself after we both moved on. The other went completely apeshit after I started dating a mutual friend and alternated between threatening me ("You're a horrible person, I hate you!") or threatening self-harm ("I love you, please come back!"). I filed a restraining order after my tires were slashed twice in less than a week.

    So yeah... I initially wouldn't have minded being friends with my exes as they had some good qualities, but their post-breakup behavior got them Rat Bastard status. Some of our friends thought I was a vindictive hateful bitch, but they had no idea what had transpired.

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