Sunday, December 14, 2008


Shit, a whole week? I've been a very naughty blogger. I should be punished. Spanked. Made to tell you what a dirty dirty girl I am and touch myself in my bad places while you watch.

Anyway. Today I want to talk about lube!

I don't need lube for regular sex; I'm sadly not a squirter but I do get plenty juicy. But for the butt, for unreasonably large objects, for extended play, and for the occasional Mystery Juice Failure, there is lube!

The best lube in the world is, I believe, J-Lube. Because it's a power, you can vary the consistency from super-goopy to nearly-water, and one $10 bottle makes a million jillion gallons of lube. (Also, the whole vet-supply thing just makes it so naughty.) It has a really nice, ungreasy texture that's pretty similar to natural ladyjuices, and it's so slippery and so easy to get in copious amounts that it's the canonical fisting lube.

KY stings me. I don't know if this is just a personal idiosyncrasy/allergy, but anyway I can't use it.

Astroglide doesn't sting, but it never worked that well for me. It wears out in about five minutes and when it does it turns really really sticky.

Slippery Stuff Liquid isn't bad I guess, but it's kinda... subtle. Almost water. It's good for going from dry to wet, but if you need to go from wet to dripping, it's just not enough. I think it's okay for vaginal sex or maybe if you're experienced at anal, but nothing heavy-duty.

I heard a lot of people sing the praises of silicone lube, so I tried ID Millennium and it's got good points and bad points. Good: a tiny amount is soooo slippery and it lasts forever. Bad: it feels kinda greasy and it never goes away. If you spill a single drop anywhere it's a huge pain to clean up--it will not dry, it will not absorb--and even if you don't spill it stays on your hands and genitals for hours. This stuff would be great lube if only it came with an antidote.

(Also, you never heard me say this, but it works surprisingly well for styling your hair. Just a little bit gives such lovely shine and frizz control...)

The lube currently in my nightstand is Wet Gel Body Glide. I like it. It's long-lasting but easy to clean up, has a nice thick texture that can handle the tough jobs, doesn't get sticky at all, and it feels very... clean. If you're not yet at the point in your life where you're okay with buying your sex supplies from veterinary supply companies, this would be a good lube to use.

One piece of lube advice: use too much. I used to get in the habit of using just a couple drops and calling something "lubed" when it was coated all over, no matter how thinly. But it feels much, much better to get things wet as fuck. The correct adjective is not merely "slick" but "glorpy."


  1. J-Lube must be what people use for lube wrestling. Right now lube wrestling sounds like crazy sexy fun, but I'd probably be disappointed with the reality and I'm almost certainly too old and lame for crazy sexy fun anyway.

  2. Bruno - Oh c'mon, you're not old and you're not that lame. Lube wrestling would be crazy sexy fun! Get me ten bucks and a kiddy pool and I'll show you.

  3. I haven't tried that lube, but the key to getting silicone stuff off skin is oil. Rub on some olive oil or something and then wash off.

    Yay! After months of reading this blog I finally have something to contribute!

  4. I am about in the same boat (boat? hmm) as you re: natural lube. When I use lube it is for heavy-duty applications. I really like Maximus. It's thick (really good for anal) and long-lasting. Before I found Maximus I think my favorite was Liquid Silk. I am not keen on silicone, texturewise.

  5. I tnd to like the water-based gel lube that's Walmart brand....but maybe that's because I'm cheap...

  6. Angie - The More You Know. I guess it's sorta like peanut butter removing gum?

    ...I wonder if peanut butter would remove lube...

    Basmatihnr - Interesting. I haven't tried Maximus but it sounds good.

    Dorkie - That's the kind that tends to give me the stingies. I think I'm allergic to something they put in cheap lube but not good stuff.

  7. I'm just a cheap fuck I guess...

  8. Probe Thick Rich! Amazing stuff.

  9. "Angie - The More You Know. I guess it's sorta like peanut butter removing gum?

    ...I wonder if peanut butter would remove lube..."

    Peanut butter would probably remove lube, but then you'd need a Cocker Spaniel to remove the peanut butter's all just too much work. I want a nice slippery lube that comes off easily when I take a swipe at it with the t-shirt I grab off the floor.

  10. If you're going to use agricultural supplies, generally has better prices.