Wednesday, May 5, 2010


A question that comes up when your blog contains pictures of your nipples and descriptions of your rape fantasies: who in your life should know about it?

In Seattle, the answer was "no one." I lived, in essence, a triple life: I had my "normal" life that my family and coworkers and vanilla friends knew about, I had a kinky/slutty life that didn't cross paths with my "normal" one, and neither side knew about the blog.

Here in Boston, I find I'm paring that down to double. Family and coworkers still can't know that I have The Sex, but I'm being pretty open with everyone else that I'm a perv and I have a sex blog. I don't want to push anyone to read it, but I don't want anyone to be able to say I was hiding it from them. I'm trying to kind of strike a balance between "LOOK AT MY CROTCH MY CROTCH IS AMAZING" and keeping any secrets.

There are some secrets, however, that aren't mine to give away. My rules of privacy are:
1) No specific event places, times, or names. (so plz to keep inviting me thx)
2) No real names or even real scene names, and no unique identifying details.
3) Fundamentally, I'm blogging about my sex life, and although that obviously intersects other peoples', I should never be writing primarily about someone else's proclivities. If I write about a kink event, it's only in the context of what happened to me and how I felt; my writing should be experiential, not voyeuristic.
4) Although I sometimes just go ahead and write about random hookups (although still with no identifying details), if we have any kind of ongoing relationship, I will ask how or if you want to be written about.
5) Sometimes I just have to exercise judgement that something isn't a "leaves this room in any form" situation. As I get more experienced, I find this judgement gets a little less liberal, so if you've noticed this blog has more general content and fewer dirty stories than in the early days--that's usually why.

You know where this really gets weird? Dating. (At least dating outside the kink and sex-nerd world, which arguably I shouldn't be doing anyway.) The problem is that the first date seems a little early to be telling a dude about the blog, because he'll ask for the name, and he'll read it, and he'll know all kinds of shit that's just way too much for a first date. But if I don't tell him about the blog upfront, then I'm keeping a secret. I'm not sure what the right time is. Probably pretty early; most people aren't all that shocked by the blog content (as far as anyone tells me), and at least it's honest. Before fucking at least. Like an STD. "Just so you know and can make an informed decision, honey..."

I don't know why I take it for granted that I should disclose as much of my sex life as possible to the Internet, and only other people's needs should constrain me, but that's why I have a sex blog in the first place. I think my thoughts best by expressing them to someone else, I think about sex a lot, and my friends (even the ones who read the blog) don't want to hear as much about my vagina as I have to say about it.

This is my 830th post. I have a lot to say about my vagina.


  1. Mm! It tastes just like raisins!

  2. One day a few years ago in college, I came to the realization that every person I counted as a close friend had seen me topless.

    So when I met you, it wasn't really that weird- what was weird was that I hadn't seen your face. (Not that I'm saying you should post your face, there's some obvious privacy issues with that...)

  3. But does it taste just like raisins?

  4. It always tastes kind of like bologna to me.

  5. Maybe I'm being Captain Obvious here, but just because your date asks you for the name of your blog doesn't mean you're obligated to give it to him. I'm just sayin'.

    If it were me, I'd mention it on the first or second date but not let him see it until you're an actual item - or just don't let him see it at all. My friends know aspects of me that my boyfriend does not; this is essentially the same thing. There's no law that says your partner needs to know every single thought in your head.

    My own blog is basically a diary; my boyfriend knows I keep it, but doesn't know (and will hopefully never figure out) what it's called or where to find it. I have no qualms with that.