Thursday, March 6, 2008

The Joy of Not Coming.

I like getting oral sex. I don't, unless the giver is very enthusiastic and determined, have orgasms from it. It's exciting and feels really good and makes me moan and squirm around and nothing else in the world is quite like it... but I don't come.

It can be hard sometimes to explain to my partners that I still like it. It doesn't get me off, it really doesn't even get me that much closer to getting off or to being ready for intercourse, it's just nice. For its own sake. It's the only sexual sensation that's truly soft, no bones or erections but just a warm wet and extremely pliable tongue. It's the only activity that is never even slightly painful. (I mean, not that finger or cock sex is painful, but there's always a couple missteps and eventually there's soreness. None of that happens with oral sex.)

But once guys learn that eating me out isn't an efficient way to make me come, they tend to stop doing it very often. I think they tend to think of orgasms as pleasure, and the rest of things as working up to an orgasm. (Is it like this for guys? Getting your cock played with isn't fun until you come? I seriously doubt it, but I guess I don't know for sure.) I don't really think it's based on their own experience, though, I think it's based on a general idea that any activity--even a purely recreational one--should have some sort of goal.

Focusing on orgasms is like keeping score in a pickup game: it gives you something to aim for and not a bad thing at that, but it can keep you from trying new things or just enjoying yourself. Benny's figured out how to make me come in literally less than a minute (oh God yes he has) and yet some weekends we end up spending six or seven hours in bed. Just feeling the "plateau", the pleasure that has no climax but just goes on and on in waves of pure goddamn joy, is... fucking great.

(I'm a total hypocrite here. I absolutely hate to stop sex before a guy's come. Or when he ends up jerking himself off to finish--kill me.)

Getting my pussy eaten is absolutely great and absolutely pointless. But hell, so is all of sex.


  1. I completely understand Brandon's position. If I'm only going to get there once or twice, I should take my time; if you can come virtually as many times as you like, you should.

    By the way, you need to meet my coworker:

  2. Getting my pussy eaten is absolutely great and absolutely pointless. But hell, so is all of sex.

    I thought the point of sex was to make babies. :)

  3. Bruno - Oh, I agree that I should come more than him, but sometimes it gets downright pressurey: "I want you to have AS MANY AS POSSIBLE. You think you can do twelve tonight?"

    To which the answer is "Yes, but I won't enjoy it half as much as three or four slow ones." (I absolutely love that my idea of slow, low-pressure, non-goal-oriented lovemaking is only three or four orgasms. I'm not even bragging. I mean, I am bragging, but it's true.)

    And your coworker's blog is entertaining although she does come off as a bit of a fussypants--"Eww, I think these guys might want to have sex, that's so perverted and predatory!"

    Although to be fair she does seem to be attracting some superlosers.

    Bianca - Boys can make babies in you with their mouths? Huh. The more you know.

  4. Coworker claims to be quite experienced, actually. I don't know how adventurous she's been, but she likes her sex. (She's also quite attractive, but the odds of her wanting sex with Bruno hover around the "when bunnies teleport" mark.)

  5. Wow, coworker's latest blog (and man am I ever late to jump in here) is pretty racist and transphobic.