Friday, April 4, 2008

"cum out of nose"

I'm tired (just got a new job! I'm an EMT now! whoo!) and I haven't gotten laid in like two weeks ("C'mon baby, I need material for the blog"), so I'm going to do the Lazy Blogger thing and post some of my more hilarious Google Search inquiries.

how to swallow cum
Still the top search, by far! (After the title of the blog.) Along with variants, there are hundreds of these; apparently I'm the premier cum-swallowing blog in the Pacific Northwest. And I still don't understand how you'd need a tutorial on this. Getting a guy to the point of coming in your mouth takes skill or at least enthusiasm, but once you've got the come there, I think you can figure out how to swallow it.

swalow cum
Three separate people. Sheesh.

"women's are longer" orgasms women better
Well, it's not like anyone's in a position to compare.

"hate cum" +facial
That's not very nice.

can you swallow cum when pregnant
Why the hell not?

cum shark
Oh MAN. If I ever need to retitle this blog or pick a new username somewhere, this is a prime candidate. It's just the best phrase ever. "Cum Shark." YES.

how i had sex
"By Billy, grade 4."

swallow cum from condom
No, but I once got everyone at a New Year's Eve party to do "condom shots" of boozed-up milk out of Trojans.

what happens if you make cum
You'll find out when you're older, Billy.

swallow ice cum
Now there's some Chunky Monkey. (Alternate punchline: Chubby Hubby. Hubby's Chubby? I dunno.)

you will eat this cum
Uh... no, thanks. Really.


  1. While the cum shark is approaching, ominous '70s porno music plays.

    The "condom shots" thing is making me a little queasy, by the way.

  2. HAHAHAHAHAhahahahaha!!!

    (I'm still a tool of the patriarchy, by the by, but I think I'm okay with it. My boyfriend makes me bake and have sex with him, and it's great. I love it.)

  3. I may have to steal "cum shark" at some point, because it's just too funny. Making me laugh almost as much as "Jizz fight!" was last night.

    Do you ever get 4chan-esque search queries like "how do I shot cum"?

  4. What could be fun would be creating some interesting google searches simply so bloggers will be disturbed by them.

    Like, pregnant monkey orgasms.

    Or swallow condom.

    Or "premier cum-swallowing blog" billy grade 4.

  5. Do I still have a stalker?