Wednesday, June 2, 2010


It's been a few weeks since I had partnered sex, and a loooong time since I've been in a real relationship. But of course I masturbate like a crazy monkey about twice a day. I'm not sure how to feel about this. (Well, besides mellow and a little sleepy. Ahh.) On the one hand, the Unwritten Laws of Sex say that masturbating when you can't get laid is pathetic. But on the other hand, I'm a girl, and the ULoS say that a girl masturbating is hot. And on the third hand which is a little busy right now, it would be downright weird (by the ULoS) to not get laid and not masturbate.

Of course sex-positivity and common sense would tell me that there's nothing wrong with masturbating, but I can't trust those, because they're too nice. It's like a compliment from Grandma, it's very sweet but it's not useful feedback. Something inside me can only really trust a personal philosophy that isn't afraid to humiliate me and create unreasonable and sexist expectations.

Ultimately, I'm unsure whether to treat masturbation as a valid part of my sex life, as an uninteresting bodily function, or as a dark secret shame. I don't know whether I should be telling hot sexy masturbation stories on here, or pretending that I would never sink so low.

Most of the time, though, I feel like masturbation is separate from sex. Having sex doesn't fulfill my drive to masturbate or vice versa, and they feel very different. They don't even affect me the same way physiologically--when I have sex I'm multi-orgasmic and energized, and when I masturbate I'm mono-orgasmic and get very sleepy. So I guess it's silly to worry if I'm "substituting" for sex when it's not that much like sex at all.


  1. "Having sex doesn't fulfill my drive to masturbate or vice versa, and they feel very different."

    Same here, I have a real hard time explaining this to people, especially my boyfriend who I don't see often enough and always seem to be wanting sex from just when he is not here.

  2. I'm with both of you - I've actually just written about this - sex and masturbation are different for me and whilst there can be a crossover one doesn't mean I don't want/need the other.


  3. If we're defining "sex" in the simplified high school P-in-V way, then orgasms and sex are two entirely different things for me (I don't have g-spot orgasms).

    I will say that my orgasms are way more intense when someone else gives them to me. But I get totally sleepy either way. :D

  4. Does not compute. Given the existence of the internet the unwritten laws of sex aren't unwritten any longer. They may not be compiled into a single document, but somewhere they exist in written form.

  5. For me there's a huge difference between masturbation and sex with another person.

    With masturbation, I can ejaculate easily but have trouble with orgasm. Afterward I feel a little hyper, and on rare occasions slightly nauseous, regardless of whether I orgasmed or not.

    With sex with another person, I can orgasm easily, and can do it multiple times, but have trouble ejaculating. Afterward sometimes my emotions start going haywire for an hour or so.

    As far as I can remember, I've never felt sleepy afterward. Physically tired after several orgasms, yes, but more like "I need to take a break" and not "I'm gonna fall asleep."

  6. I look at masturbation the same way I look at eating an excellent meal by myself. I enjoy the fuck out of it, and some times it's all I need and/or want at the moment...but generally I'd rather be doing it with someone else.

  7. Have to agree with all the masturbation vs. sex comments. But I beg of you, please don't ever, no matter how tenuous, make a connection between masturbating and Grandma.

  8. so after your first grandchild borns, your doing-things-to-your-own-body license loses it's valability?