-I know it's supposed to be insulting to women and juvenile and stuff, but "The Shocker" seems like it would actually feel pretty good. It might be awkward for your hand though.
-True fact: speculums (specula?) come in "small" and "medium." I can think of at least two different reasons everyone wanted to avoid the "nurse, I'm going to need a large here" scenario.
-Before this weekend, I had never actually been "motorboated."
-I can take much bigger, um, insertions during phone sex than I can during masturbation. Even though nothing is physically different! It's just the power of the mind! It's things like this that make me believe magic is real.
-The ratio of "how much intercourse I've been having : how happy I feel about my sex life" has never been lower. Not that I'd mind some intercourse. It would make me so happy that the ratio would actually drop further.
-For a long time, I was pretty attached to the whole "Oh, I'm not really a submissive, I just roleplay it under very specific circumstances!" thing. Which is still technically true, but I'm starting to wonder if it wouldn't be fun to expand my circumstances. Like the whole "I'll get off on it, but I won't do your dishes!" thing... I think I might get off on dishes. Maybe.
-I've mostly stopped wearing underpants. The exception is scenarios where I'm likely to take my pants off. Then I wear them because I wouldn't want to be too forward or anything.
-You know, I do like confident and attractive and highly sexual men more than the alternatives. Is this... unfair?
-I fucked a Twilight chick once. I didn't find out about the Twilight thing until the next morning. I... I don't want to talk about it.
-Sometimes I grope myself. Not like masturbation. Just like, man, I have kind of a nice smooth round ass. I should get a feel of that. Oh yeah.
-I have to get blood drawn today. I'm terrified. I spend half my life sticking needles in other people with no remorse, and the other half being voluntarily subjected to pain and humiliation, but I don't wanna do this, wahhh.
[Edit: They did the draw and I barely felt it. So much for terror.]
-Mostly, I don't want to go to the doctor at all, even though I really need to, because in my experience there's a 50% chance that the answer to everything will be "You're fat. Probably all your problems stem from being fat. Have you tried eating less and exercising more?"
-Not that this is necessarily wrong in all cases, although I do think it's over-applied by some doctors. It's just an awkward situation all around when a medical condition also happens to be one of the gravest insults in our culture. "Ma'am, I believe your illness is exacerbated by your being more [lazy and greedy and sexless and disgusting] than is appropriate for your height."
-On the whole, though, I'm feeling better than usual about my body lately. Like, I feel like I actually have something to offer boys, rather than something that hopefully they'll forgive. I'm all "you want this" instead of "you want this?"
-Some of this is because of something I realized lately: I haven't been insulted much recently. (Well, some at work, but that never counts; if someone says that they're Zorblax of Mars or that they had "just two beers," I don't take the rest of their opinions to heart.) I feel like I used to get much more flak about my appearance, and now it's been a long time since anyone's described me as anything other than a reasonably cute young woman.
-This is partly because I've gotten better at choosing who I associate with--trying to get the approval of assholes is almost as addictive as it is pointless--and partly because I think I've changed how I present myself. I used to do a lot of either seeking approval ("do you think I'm fat?") or trying to hide myself ("if no one can see my body under this XXXL men's outfit, no one can hate it!"), and these days I tend to go out with the assumption that I'm a reasonably cute young woman, and should conduct myself accordingly. I think that assumption is contagious, even to assholes.
-Although clearly I'm not 100% cured of body-image issues, since I still write things like this.
-Wow, the "random thoughts" format kinda broke down there, didn't it?
-Is it weird that my emotional reaction to people with polyamorous and/or kinky households is much less "so hot" and much more "aww, warm fuzzies!"? Because it is. It appeals less to my "oh yeah lots of fucking" impulses and much more to my "big happy family!" ones.
-I get crushes on Internet sketch comedy members alarmingly often. Michael Swaim, Zach Weiner, Trevor Moore--SO HOT.
You know, I do like confident and attractive and highly sexual men more than the alternatives. Is this... unfair?
ReplyDeleteNo. My personal stance on this is that people can be attracted to whoever they want and can be as choosy as they please. They just shouldn't think that it also entitles them to actually have any particular person, or that they can be a dick to the ones they don't consider attractive.
Sadly, far too many people consider someone not wanting to sleep with them as being dickish.
I'm curious about the needle/blood stuff (given that body and play piercing are some of my favorite hobbies)... what's your experience with play piercing and/or body piercing (i.e., have you had your nipples pierced, had a play piercing corset, etc.)?
ReplyDeleteAnd does piercing (on you, I mean) ever bother you, or is the endorphin rush/"this is so hot/sexy/humiliating/fun" aspect drown out any potential squick reaction?
I think you may have blogged about seeing your own blood in play at some point in the past, but I'm too damned tired (and lazy, one must never forget lazy) to track down the post(s) right now...
Is it weird that my emotional reaction to people with polyamorous and/or kinky households is much less "so hot" and much more "aww, warm fuzzies!"? Because it is. It appeals less to my "oh yeah lots of fucking" impulses and much more to my "big happy family!" ones.
ReplyDeleteSo basically, you don't operate under the usual deranged illusions about how such systems work. Which is really rather nice.
"You know, I do like confident and attractive and highly sexual men more than the alternatives. Is this... unfair?"
ReplyDeleteNo, there's nothing fair or unfair about who you're attracted to. It does present an essentially unwinnable situation for the involuntarily celibate straight guy: Act more confident, and maybe women won't find you so unfuckable. It's like a real-life version of Troy McClure's "Get confident, stupid!"
-Is it weird that my emotional reaction to people with polyamorous and/or kinky households is much less "so hot" and much more "aww, warm fuzzies!"? Because it is.
ReplyDeleteThe idea of a long-term, committed, loving BDSM relationship is the sweetest thing ever to me (which is why I loved Secretary so much, I think, despite its flaws). I had too many years where guys made me the dirty little secret because they automatically assumed that their kinks couldn't coexist with an actual relationship.
Heh.
ReplyDeleteI actually had a girl request a shocker from me once. It was during a threesome
It is actually kind of awkward for me because the pinky is a weak finger with little sensation or control (at least on my hand) but my girlfriend managed it fine.
Lord Snuffleupagus - I have never been pierced (other than my earlobes which so doesn't count), but play piercing is something I'm very curious about. (Except my nipples. That kind of freaks me out.) All my previous experiences with blood have come from knives. But play piercing and pierced corsets are definitely on my "want to try" list.
ReplyDeleteAnon - That's not unwinnable. Getting fucked is not the only route to social confidence.
perversecowgirl - Ugh. Unfortunately I know exactly what you mean about the "dirty little secret." I don't know if guys think that a kinky girl is going to run around humping their friends' legs because she has no other dimension to her personality, or what they're afraid of.
Holly said:
ReplyDeleteI have never been pierced (other than my earlobes which so doesn't count), but play piercing is something I'm very curious about. (Except my nipples. That kind of freaks me out.) All my previous experiences with blood have come from knives. But play piercing and pierced corsets are definitely on my "want to try" list.
********
You have SO got to come down and visit some time. :)
...I think I do. I'm free Friday night. Or the July 2-4th weekend.
ReplyDeleteThe Shocker: Wait, why is this supposed to be insulting to women? I thought it was in the category of idiotic names for normal things (like, I don't know, "hot beef injection").
ReplyDeleteBlood draws: I generally got faint and/or turned green when stuck with needles until someone mumbled something about hydration to me. If I drink a bunch of water beforehand my body and mind both freak out less.
I had to look up what The Shocker was. What a waste of a name. I wasn't shocked at all.
ReplyDeleteFriday's my anniversary so that's out. 4th of July weekend has possibilities, and I'm planning on a bonfire with Tommy, his girl, that other lovely triad you met before the movie, and a few other like-minded folks in late July while the spawn's in Florida...
ReplyDeleteAww, happy anniversary! Sadly I found out that I have to work the 2nd, and I want to watch fireworks on the 4th, so that's down to the 3rd. Or whenever; I'm also free right now for July 8, 9, 11 and 12. Don't know the late July schedule yet though, but bonfires=awesome.
ReplyDeleteWe're at the birthday party for the wife in the other triad on July 3rd. But there's possibilities. Bonfire is POSSIBLY 7/24. And this has become entirely too much chatty appointment-making between us rather than discussion of the blog posting, so I'll hit you further on facebook or whatnot rather than keep boring the bejesus out of the rest of the blog audience. We now return you to your regularly-scheduled Texaco Shocker-Discussion Masterpiece Theater programming...
ReplyDeleteI don't know if guys think that a kinky girl is going to run around humping their friends' legs because she has no other dimension to her personality, or what they're afraid of.
ReplyDeleteSometimes it's that, for sure...the whole madonna/whore thing. But to a large extent I think it's the pervasive idea that growing up means giving up the things you love. "Oh, I used to draw comics but when I got my accounting job I put all that behind me." "I just can't go camping anymore, what with the wife and kids and everything..." Guys seriously seem to think that enjoying something is "immature" and if they're gonna "step up" and "be a man" they have to squelch all their passions (which is one reason I'm attracted to much younger guys: they usually haven't given up on their fucking lives yet).
I didn't put this together until a dudefriend of mine made some comment (back when I was single) along the lines of "Y'know, at some point you're gonna have to put this kinky stuff aside. You're not a teenager anymore." And I was like "What the fuck does my age have to do with my sexual practices?" and we went on to have a discussion that made me want to punch him in the face.
Anyway. This would explain the times when I was seeing a kinky guy (always my own age or older, btw) who seemed to appreciate my whole personality - it wasn't just casual sex - and yet suddenly he'd break it off to get into a relationship with a vanilla girl. You know, a real, grown-up relationship.
Sigh.
But now I'm living with an amazing boy who doesn't put such stupid constraints on relationships - and he's eleven years my junior, which I prefer anyway. So there's a happy ending.
You know, a real, grown-up relationship.
ReplyDeleteThat makes a sad amount of sense. To stream-of-consciousness a little bit, since my thoughts don't have much logical organization here:
Maybe societies really do have a One True Relationship style that we're all supposed to like (and magically find!) once we reach some appropriate maturity. That Relationship is also supposed to involve a minivan and soccer practice (almost said "three kids and a minivan." Wrong impression!)
Everything Else must be about the sex in that interpretation. D/s? Kinky sex. Poly? Lots of kinky sex. Same-sex relationship? Kinky sex. (Also all of that may come with "... that I'm not having. Jealous!" attached. Win!) That partly explains Holly's warm fuzzies in the main post -- she's seeing the relationship for itself, rather than as a prolonged sort of sex party. I wish the rest of society would clue in, since then we could bring so much more out of the closet and the world would be a much more interesting place.
Nom de Plumage: That's pretty much exactly my experience.
ReplyDeleteIt's depressing.
We also get told repeatedly that caring about sex (or physical appearance, for that matter) makes us shallow. So a person who would break up with someone for having different life goals or a different religion will eagerly sign on for a long term relationship with someone they're not that attracted to or with whom they are wildly incompatible in bed. Because, y'know, it's wrong to want to be with someone who looks good to you and likes the same bedroom stuff. Real adults make it all about personality.
ReplyDeleteI was mistaken when I said, in my previous comment, that guys think adulthood means giving up your passions. I think everyone feels this way, actually...I married a vanilla boy (who I found physically hideous, because GODDAMMIT I'M NOT ONE OF THOSE SHALLOW PEOPLE) and repressed my kinks and stopped doing art because I was trying to make our crippled, tragic union resemble the house-in-the-suburbs thing we're all supposed to want.
These days I've decided that my first priority is to be happy, even if it means having an unconventional life that some people even find disturbing or gross; my chick friends are all at the same point. So I forgot that women are victims of the minivan-and-soccer-practice paradigm, too.
The dudefriend who told me to "grow up and lose the kinky stuff" eventually apologized, by the way. I think I finally got him to understand why repressing a fundamental part of who you are is a) soul-crushing and b) not in any way related to being a mature adult.
I know it's supposed to be insulting to women and juvenile and stuff, but "The Shocker" seems like it would actually feel pretty good. It might be awkward for your hand though.
ReplyDeleteIt is. First two fingers and the thumb work much better.
I know it's supposed to be insulting to women and juvenile and stuff, but "The Shocker" seems like it would actually feel pretty good.
ReplyDeleteI wonder whether this is an extension of the idea that sex is for men.
I married a vanilla boy (who I found physically hideous, because GODDAMMIT I'M NOT ONE OF THOSE SHALLOW PEOPLE)
Similarly, I dated a woman I wasn't attracted to for much too long. Lately I've been on a few dates with a woman I like, but don't feel much attraction toward, and when I mention not seeing her again I'm told I should give her a chance.
Lately I've been on a few dates with a woman I like, but don't feel much attraction toward, and when I mention not seeing her again I'm told I should give her a chance.
ReplyDeleteUgh. I say, when you're internet dating and you get an awesome message from someone whose picture is a little meh, give that person a chance; photographs are not kind to everyone. But when you've actually met them in person - and several times, no less? Time to bail, or downgrade to friendship, or something.
I think people always say to "give it a chance" out of self-preservation: they're thinking "Well I don't look like a movie star and if people went around rejecting people who don't look like movie stars, I'd die alone, so I'd better convince everyone to focus on people's personalities." Which totally ignores the fact that people are attracted to all kinds of things.
If you were attracted exclusively to fat, short-haired, dykey-looking women, do you think people would urge you to give a tall thin blonde a chance? I somehow doubt it. :P
Man, this post really opened up my can of rant-ass.
Okay, one last rant:
ReplyDeleteI don't think it does anyone any favours to be with them in spite of not finding them attractive. First off, most people don't want to feel as if someone's doing them a favour by deigning to be with them. Secondly, everyone (or, okay, most people. Some people are just jackasses) deserves a partner who gives them that starstruck "OMG you're so gorgeous" look sometimes. And finally, as I said, people like different things. The person you force yourself to like out of pity or obligation has other people who would totally fall in lust with them just as they are. You're not saving this person from being alone; you're keeping them from finding their ideal match.
(This is all addressed at the world in general, not you in particular, Bruno.)
"-Mostly, I don't want to go to the doctor at all, even though I really need to, because in my experience there's a 50% chance that the answer to everything will be "You're fat. Probably all your problems stem from being fat. Have you tried eating less and exercising more?""
ReplyDeleteDoctors say this to you? Seriously? The last time a doctor told me I was too fat was when I was an about 5 pounds heavier than I should have been child in the 70s. Yes, I became much pudgier, but no doctor through all adulthood has ever said a peep. I have perfect blood pressure and bloodwork so I imagine they really are looking at my real health and not making assumptions based on appearance.
If a doctor in this day and age is lecturing you to lose weight, they're being shortsighted and rude to boot. I've had several doctors in my lifetime, with only the one childhood doc a fatty-lecturer, so I honestly think fat-lecturing doctors are the rarity nowadays. How'd you end up with one?
I always thought the point of the Shocker isn't that she likes it or doesn't like it, but that she's been defeated. And that it's, well, a shock; if I wanna stick a finger in someone's ass, I'll ask, or at least clearly signal my intentions.
ReplyDeleteI always thought the point of the Shocker isn't that she likes it or doesn't like it, but that she's been defeated.
ReplyDeleteRight, because what kind of psycho hosebeast would enjoy buttsecks?
You're not saving this person from being alone; you're keeping them from finding their ideal match.
Of course, but that that's fighting the cultural tide toward coupledom at all costs.
The problem with the Shocker is the pinky is not a very girthy finger - not that much stimulation.
ReplyDelete...the unshocker?
Bruno, it makes perfect sense to the sort of person who sees rape as manly and assertive.
ReplyDelete(I was that anon)
1) I prefer giving what I call "The Spocker", which for Star Trek fans should be obvious. 2 and 2.
ReplyDelete2) At the risk of being one of many "show us your tits" posts, I like-a deh curves.
Rob
Oh man, Trevor Moore...who didn't have a crush on him?
ReplyDelete