Sunday, June 20, 2010

Search Term... Sightseeing Journey! Part III.

Although I have never heard this term before, I instantly understand the meaning, and the meaning has something to do with "well, yes, I know it's your entire identity, but what about bathroom stalls? And pronouns? Dear God won't someone think about the bathrooms and pronouns?"

roissy asshole
Six different people searched on this phrase this month, and I love them all.

"paradox fetish"
So I want to go back in time and fuck myself, but I don't remember fucking myself, but if I go back in time my memory of that will change, but if my memory changes I won't be fucking myself for the first time, but it will be the first time for me... OHHHHH GOD I just came.

invisible nipple

how to fuck a girl in first date
This seems to have surpassed "can I get pregnant by doing X?" as my most frequently asked terrible question. And my answer is that probably you can't, but the two most important steps to improve your odds are:
1) Politely ask. Women may assume that you're not interested in fucking on the first date, and for that reason aren't going to make advances. Even I'm pretty reluctant to initiate sex on a first date unless I'm receiving some very clear signals.
2) It's not a "first date" if there's no chance of a second date. Guys who pressure girls for sex, then write them off as slutty or "already beat that game, now it's not interesting" afterwards, have burned a lot of otherwise-eager girls.

And using a date to fuck a woman you aren't interested in at all, without telling her that it's only casual sex--that's not a date, that's a scam.

"are there heterosexual women"

"feminist histrionics"
You know, I don't think I've ever seen such a beast. Even radfems, who are about the loopiest people using the label "feminist" that I know, aren't really histrionic. They're wrong, often offensively wrong, but I wouldn't say that they're over-emotional or flailing around loudly or whatever. I've really never heard a feminist in a political discussion--even a crazy one--shriek.

(Side note: I hate, hate, hate the descriptor "shrill" when dismissing women. Yes, women's voices do tend to be high-pitched.  Thanks for noticing.)

"multiple parasitic beasts"
With every search term, I get a little note of how long the person stayed and how many pages they viewed. Often, especially with off-topic terms like this, they only stay a few seconds before realizing I wasn't what they wanted and backing out. But this person stayed. Whatever page they found on my blog that matched this query, they liked it.

% of alpha males % beta males in general population
Someone hands you a survey. "Are you an alpha male or a beta male?" You know what the fuck they're talking about, know the answer unambigously, and write it down honestly. Thousands of other people, in a fair sampling of the male population, do the same. A pig soars high above, wings shimmering in the afternoon sunlight.

beta male fucking cunt bitches
"And I just don't know why women don't love me!"

can you look like an ordinary guy and have a girlfriend
Oh no, never. That's why humans ordinarily live in harems with large outlying packs of bachelor males, as you can easily see in the media or among your friends or any time you fucking go outdoors and see what human society looks like.

cfnm site aimed at straight men
That would be all of them.

first they're nice then they're bitchy pua
The usual order of things is "first they're nice, pua, then they're bitchy."

how to tell if you were a prodigy and just didn't express it
It's like how you tell if you're a natural blonde and just happen to grow brown hair.

if you dont fuck me i'll leave you free porn

the venusian arts how to pick up a barista
Oh god, people, please leave your baristas alone. They have to smile at you, okay? Their bosses tell them to. That is the smile of "I'll lose my income and health insurance if I don't smile." It does not mean you "really have something special there."

why do beta males get no love?
I have a huge, huge number of queries about "beta males," and they all annoy and depress me tremendously.





  2. It's actually quite interesting searching for these search terms. "multiple parasitic beasts", for example, comes from that massive Beta Male screed you snarked a few weeks ago.

  3. Okay, you are officially the Cutest Anonymous Ever.

  4. Hey, are these all real, actual search terms that real actual douchebag (or whatever) humans entered, or are at least some of them generated by content-accumulating robots or spammers or whatever? Is there any way to tell?

  5. So I went to see Toy Story 3 yesterday and one of the previews was for a very PUA-influenced kids movie. UGH. It's called Alpha & Omega - that should tell you something.

  6. Alternatively, there -are- such things as "Alpha" and "Beta" people - you know what somebody means when they use the words, after all - it's just the dichotomy and their spin on what the words, and the personality attributes associated with them, mean to other people which are false. There are an infinity of other options than "Alpha" or "Beta," there are varying degrees of each option, and other people - not being constrained by this vision - can react however they want to somebody who fits those stereotypes. (As a general rule, badly.)

    Maybe it's a -good- thing they're using these labels, in fact. We have an entire class of people perfectly willing to stereotype themselves, with all the personal benefits that brings to everyone around them in terms of cognitive sorting; I mean, with one question, you can weed out large numbers of people from the list of people you'd want to associate with: "Describe yourself." If their description includes "Alpha," hey, bam, you're done, move on to the next person. You don't even have to get far enough into the conversation for them to tell you how fantastic at sex they are/how large their penis is. (Or, for somebody inclined towards describing themselves as a beta, how fantastic at oral sex they are. Weird how -that- works, and it's not in the -least- bit creepy, uh huh.)

  7. Are you going to be commenting on every post now, Adirian? Because I wouldn't like that.

  8. Holly -

    Nope. I will quit now, I suppose. You could just -ask- me to stop, or hell, politely tell me; does the passive-aggressive / outright aggressive approach usually work better for you, out of curiousity?

    I'd compliment your willingness to leave comments you don't like up, but I'm really not sure -why- you're following that policy, since you don't really seem to subscribe to any of the typical reasoning behind it.

  9. I'm very annoyed with the way you've been commenting the last few days. I'm expressing my annoyance. I am under no obligation to be sweet and polite while doing so.

    But bye now! :)

  10. OK, I see the "Alpha and Omega" movie is heavily influenced by the idea of Alpha, Beta, etc. positions in wolf packs (with the standard Hollywood twisting and torturing of science.) I don't really see the PUA influence, but I'm no expert on PUA and it's only a trailer. Looks like the standard movie formula to me:

    1. Loser admires (or seems to scorn) high-achieving beautiful girl.
    2. Loser is shown conclusively that it can never work out.
    3. Loser and Beauty are thrown together in isolation and forced to depend on each other.
    4. Beauty reacts to this by spurning loser, loser reacts to it by screwing everything up. But then . . . .
    5. Loser gets determined and starts doing things right. Beauty discovers that loser has unsuspected talents and reserves. Loser and Beauty fall in love and achieve whatever macguffin has been put in front of them.

  11. Artsynomad and Don - I'm with Don; I think the movie has more to do with the characters being actual wolves than with the PUA "alpha/beta" thing.

    Still not how real wolves work, but at least it's an innocent misconception.

  12. So I want to go back in time and fuck myself, but I don't remember fucking myself, but if I go back in time my memory of that will change, but if my memory changes I won't be fucking myself for the first time, but it will be the first time for me...

    Heh. I'm reminded of this sketch.

  13. I guess I'm just wary of previews that even hint at that kind of thing. I've seen way too many kids movies that were filled with sexist jokes and comments, so I know writers aren't above it. The actual movie might not be as bad as the preview seemed to me, but anything that normalizes PUA terms (yeah, I know it's about wolves, but still), especially for kids, puts me a little on edge.

  14. I come here only for the kitty pictures.


    My response: Yes, but.

    No, we're not wolves. No, we're not cursed to have a rough time finding someone of the desired sex. There are behaviors, circumstances, and mindsets that can be changed to improve the odds, and the pool of choices is often diverse enough to have at least some chance of finding someone desirable.

    Though many of the alpha-beta complaints can be attributed to individuals who feel ENTITLED to sex with an individual of their choice without any effort whatsoever, there are also individuals out there who appear to be temporarily unable to get laid, or even get a date (not always in that order). Though I myself am not one such, a good friend of mine is. He's soft-spoken, polite, direct, far smarter than I am, politically moderate, hygienic, active in a variety of extracurricular activities DESPITE a full load of classes, and some might consider him handsome (I'm no judge). Yet he cannot find a date to save his life -- and not for lack of trying.

    The problem here, of course, is one of circumstance. For the life of me, I can think of no way in which he could improve his situation by somehow "taking responsibility for himself." As far as I know, there are no flaws in his approach, and he is perhaps the LEAST abrasive person I've ever met. If I had to name two of his weaknesses, they would be mild analysis paralysis and an equally mild naivete: it's possible he lacks my tendency to make quick (and probably erroneous, but I'll never know) cost-benefit assessments of likely candidates based on level of cosmetic application, brand consciousness, style of dress, topics of conversation, and mannerisms. But he's a reasonably good judge of character, so the above is mostly hypothetical.

    My point: there are some situations that cannot be cured by simply "taking responsibility for ourselves." To suggest otherwise is to fall into a trap of neoliberal rhetoric in which one relies on victim-blaming when a comfortable answer is not forthcoming. This does not mean that we should go the other way and adopt the stance of the victim -- on that path lies the alpha-beta male argument. Instead, I believe we can gain some mileage from the maxim that every situation is nuanced.

  16. Anon: or, you may have missed the point. Holly is not offering a quick-fix solution alternative to the quick-fix or quick-get-out-of-responsibility paradigm being offered by the "alpha human beta human" bullshit, she's calling it bullshit.

    It's a complex situation brought on by complex factors, some within the control of the person and some outside of it- when she says, "take some responsibility for yourselves", she's telling them to own that situation rather than copping out of it with "wah, I'm a beta male, I can't help it and need a societal sex subsidy" or "if I become an alpha male all my problems will be solved".

  17. What LabRat said.

    I didn't say "take some responsibility for yourself and then you'll definitely get hot ladies in your laps." Just that becoming a sleazeball--particularly the sort of sleazeball who doesn't even practice PUA but just uses the mentality to frame himself as a martyr to the evil capricious women--won't help either his sex life or his standing as a decent human being.

    I don't know your friend, I don't know his problems, and I don't know that I'd be able to fix them. That doesn't mean he's some sort of beta wolf though--what does that even mean, absent other signifiers? Isn't "beta" just a label for having a lot of social problems, not some mystical status that can exist all on its own?

    Your friend's either got problems you're (or he's) not mentioning or he's plum unlucky. Neither of these things makes him a "beta"--it makes him troubled and/or unlucky, and labeling it beyond that doesn't seem useful to me.

  18. Everyone's making good points, but holy shit, I love that cat.

  19. What if you're a barista who wants to get picked up?

  20. The pack position of wolves are often misunderstood, the 'alphas' are just the most dominant members of the wolfpack, this is usually because the 'alphas' are the parents of the pack and they are dominant because of their age and wisdom. Under this situation, certain authoritative figures like teachers could be considered 'alpha' humans.

  21. K but the part about histrionic women was pretty ableist. I adore you but if you don't understand the meaning behind diagnostic criteria, then just ... don't. Okay?