I was reading some online BDSM communities and I was shocked how much discussion there was on this point: "It's not a real punishment if the slave wants to do it. Only spank them if they hate being spanked!"
...Wha? As my grandmother would say, "I'm not doing this for my health, buddy." (She's from New York, she's not the sweet knitting type of grandma.) If I want to be spanked you should spank me, and if I don't, you fucking shouldn't! There's no greater good to work towards here. It's sex.
Of course there's some unavoidable doublethink in BDSM. I certainly do say "oh no, please don't make me do that" (sometimes even without the sarcastic inflection) to Benny. Hell, sometimes I even say "make me do something I don't want to do." That's not winning any logic awards. Still, there's always underlying consent and enjoyment. The pretense is that he's mean to me because he's the big scary master, but in the real world, he's mean to me because I dig on it.
I guess I'm not a real submissive. All I can say is that I don't want to be. Not only would I not like punishments that didn't make my panties wet, but I would be pretty emotionally devastated to be sexually punished for anything in real life. I've hear people say that in a real dominance relationship, the BDSM makes the submissive a stronger person, but... if Jon hit me for losing my job, or for failing a class, or even for something more minor like saying something offensive or not making him dinner... I'd cry my way to the police station.
Treating submission like it's a game doesn't make me insincere. It makes me sane.
(I'm also not a real submissive because occasionally I tie Benny up and finger his ass and make him eat my pussy and bring him to the very brink of orgasm before backing off and leaving him to writhe, but that's beside the point.)
I totally top from the bottom. I plant seeds for my dom and then he spends the next few days obliging me. Here are the things I hate and he has to make me do:
ReplyDelete- anal
- eat his cum
- kiss his feet
- wear handcuffs
- lick his ass
He are the things I like and he still has to make me do:
- get tied up
- forced blow jobs
- pinning me down and using me
- tit worship
Of course he denies this and insists he's in charge. Of course, dear. ;)
TBK - I guess my question is, if you hate ass-licking, why do you lick his ass? Do you sort of "secretly" like it because it pleases him or makes you feel submissive, or do you straight up hate it?
ReplyDeleteAnd if you straight up hate it, why do you do it?
And thus you have neatly described the fine line which explains why I find your sex blog entertaining (occasionally to the point of hilarity), a lot of serious BDSM sites/people freak the fuck out of me.
ReplyDeleteI also don't like the attitude that people who aren't into BDSM are just scared of it (I don't do it because I've tried it and it doesn't do anything for me, end of story) but that's a comment for another blog.
Aebhel - Yeah, and you've also described the reason that I don't belong to any sex-oriented communities. Because the reaction to me saying I'm into BDSM seems to be:
ReplyDeleteNormal people: "You mean you're a slave and you get branded with hot pokers and you eat poo and your Master tells you whether you're allowed to sit in a chair or not? FUH-REAK!"
BDSM people: "That's not BDSM, that's just kinky sex. Totally garden-variety. You aren't submitting, you're getting tied up in little silk scarves and getting baby love taps and then you just step out of role like it doesn't MEAN anything and you're both human beings. POH-SER!"
Yeah... I'm gonna try to say this without being a (insert noun)-normative douchetruck. From the standpoint of "this is how psycho-neurotypical people behave/react", submissing on the scary-creepy levels you're talking about isn't really "natural" (take that word with a grain of salt) and pretty contrary to happiness and well-being, from a humanist standpoint. I'm talking about things like actually being forced to do things you really, really hate, being a literal, full-blown slave. Why do it? It seems to be completely counter-intuitive to give up your autonomy and self so completely.
ReplyDeleteThis is in no way condemning of the personal & sexual choices people make, and I absolutely do think über-hardcore BDSMers should have full freedom to do as they please. However, looking at those folks from the outside - you do arrive at the conclusion that these people are not neurotypical, AT ALL. It's really hard to understand wanting and needing such extreme power roles.