Unprotected.

Last night Alan and I fucked skin on skin. It was the first time for both of us. There was so much fear.

You're sure you're on the pill? You've been taking it every day? You've been tested, right? For everything? What about your other partner, has he been tested? For everything?

Years and years of "safer sex" (because it's never safe!) have left us terrified of the toxic power of semen. A single drop, applied anywhere between a woman's navel and knees, will lead inevitably to babies and diseases. And a penis must never ever ever touch a vagina, even for a moment, or Horrible Things will happen. More than once there's been some minor accident and I've felt skin on skin down there, and I've literally recoiled.

This is all medically correct, of course. You really can get pregnant/diseased from semen that's merely near your vagina, or from a penis that's not ejaculating. In both cases it's an outside bet, but it does warrant consideration; I knew a girl who had three abortions and couldn't understand why, because "Yeah we didn't use condoms, but I never let him come in me!" So our precautions are based on good sound logic, except that over the years it's become a visceral fear of each other's bodies.

Last night we fucked through our fear. We had a long awkward talk about oral contraception and urethral/vaginal swabs and blood tests, and then we went and did the forbidden. We risked each other's lives. We had unprotected sex and he came in me.

It felt so fucking good. I've never heard a man moan like that.