Friday, April 30, 2010

For funsies!

Specific kinks seem to break down into three categories for me. There's stuff I'm not into, whether because it bothers or scares me or simply because it's not my thing--poop (I feel bad for people who are into poop, because it gets no respect, even kinky people almost take it for granted that poop is icky), most forms of fetish clothing, the whole "littles" thing, forced feminization, etc.

Then there's stuff that I'm into in an "OH FUCK YEAH" way; it hits me right in the vagina just to think about it. Rough mean nasty sex with cruel words whispered in my ear, being dragged around by the hair, being slapped in the face, being threatened and cut with knives, being handcuffed or strapped or tied down helpless, being treated like a slut and a pet and a slave... I'm kind of bad at even writing objectively about this kind of thing.

And then there's a third category. Kinks that don't make me super aroused, but they're just fun. Hypnosis falls into this category; I don't really get gooey at the idea of being hypnotized, but I think it's a really cool and interesting experience. Or elaborate rope bondage, where the focus is on artistry more than restraint. Light fireplay, or anything else with a big "spectacle" element. A lot of forms of roleplay like puppy and pony play. And really any kind of kink can become this depending on the atmosphere and the intentions.

I kind of like having fun with kink. Let's not kid ourselves, I'm in it for the "OH FUCK YEAH" aspects, but fun-only kink makes me happy in a different way. It satisfies some of my weirdo needs without requiring as much risk or seriousness as the heavy stuff. It's also a safer way to experiment, to try things out in a lighter headspace before deciding if I'd like them for "real".

And it just makes me... happy. Inexplicably happy the same way that the heavy stuff makes me inexplicably horny. Getting tied up in a light silly just-friends way still gives me a smile that lasts for a week. I can't entirely deconstruct that but it's true. I guess that's just part of what it means to be kinky.


  1. "Littles"? Google is not helping me. As in "little people"?

  2. Wow. This is, like, the Reader's Digest version of Conversations Over The Abyss. It's cool in an odd, througha-glass-darkly way.

    And it's all about getting a HUGE, strong handful of hair to control the head and yank it up or shove the face down as needed. :)

  3. chi:

    Younger-end age play enthusiast.

  4. As long as it was mentioned, I'm not sure I get the point of "forced feminization". First, it seems kind of like a form of "play rape" except it's more focused on humiliation than sex. That's fine, I suppose, except I've never heard of its theoretical opposite, which would be "forced masculization". The one-sidedness of it seems to suggest that either there's either something inherently disempowering about being female or else being male is inherently empowering - either way it doesn't seem like the act of being in a stereotypically opposite role is where the humiliation derives from.

  5. I don't get forced fem either. Mostly because, like Not Me, the inherent sexism bothers the fuck out of me. I don't like the idea of attempting to humiliate someone by dressing them up in the sort of clothes I wear.

    Age-play, I like, but I can definitely see why people don't. I have personally been squicked out by some of the people in it even though I like it so much. For me, it's about connecting with the most vulnerable and emotional part of a person - their inner child. There's a lot of joy and carthasis to play with there. And of course, lots of taboo dirty talk potential. I first found out about age-play as a lesbian and the idea that straight people could do it bothered me intensely for some reason and it wasn't until after I re-identified as bi that I understood that it could work, and not be sick.

  6. Not Me - I agree, it pisses me off to see guys acting like wearing makeup and a bra is the most humiliating thing ever, when some of us gotta do that every day, buddy.

    mabdreams - My view on ageplay is actually a little idiosycratic--I like calling someone "daddy" and being called "little girl," but only in a vague way that I believe refers to the still-littleness of my 24-year-old self, not in a way where I'm literally enacting a different age.

    ...if that makes sense.

  7. Heh... Thats a funny comment about Forced Fem, I can totally understand your perspective. Definitely not my bag (since I'm a macho asshole), but a good friend of mine does a lot of Forced Fem stuff, and I think you've misunderstood it.

    The humiliation doesn't come from dressing up, the humiliation comes from the fact that they aren't supposed to WANT to be girly. It's the invisible finger of society pointing down at them. From a hetero-normative perspective, women are allowed to be sexy and soft, and men are not.

    This is why you have to "force" it upon them. Like with many fetishes, the dom is ultimately giving them permission to do what they really want to do.

    As for Ageplay, I don't think your view is idiosyncratic at all.

    IMO, there really are two kinds of Ageplay, which more or less boils down to with and with out roleplaying. Even if you don't want to roleplay a young person, you can still enjoy the D/S aspects of Ageplay: Daddy/Girl is ultimately a different take on Master/Slave.

    Daddy can make you feel small and powerless, or he can build you up and make you feel strong and protected, all while still being 24.

    Ultimately, "Daddy" means different things to different people.

  8. As a feminist, butch women, I enjoy forced feminization because it is humiliating for my dom to force me to dress up like a "proper" woman. Does that still make it sexist?