Tuesday, April 13, 2010


It's not nice to shake a sleeping person and yell "GET UP GO HOME I WANT TO DO STUFF TODAY," but I'm really concerned this guy will sleep 'til one. (I think he's still here. There's a lump under the sheets. I also sleep in "cover all body parts so monsters can't get them" pose, so I shouldn't mock.)

God he was good. As vanilla guys go, he was "I'm not worthy" good. We did it four times and I think he could've done a fifth or sixth easy if I hadn't been getting sore. His move (every guy, I find, has at least one "my move," and they range from dorky to amazing) was to thrust all the way inside me and just baaarely move by inches and oh God. That's a really good move if you want to know what it feels like to have a woman coming around your cock over and over and over. And then he let loose and just started pounding me and oh God.

I don't want this to lead to anything and I feel kind of good about that. And then I feel kind of bad about that, because I'm crazy. But we really don't have enough in common to date. He's hot and a great fuck and seems to be a decent person, and he claims to think the same of me, and I hope we can leave it at that.

Every time I fuck a guy who's really really good at it, I think I learn more about what makes a guy good in bed. Here's what I've narrowed it down to: decency and confidence.

Decency - A guy who's good in bed doesn't give you cause to worry about him. He asks before doing anything questionable, checks in with you (but not constantly; see "confidence"), compliments you, reads your nonverbal signals, gets pleasure from giving you pleasure, and is cheerfully willing to do what you want and not do what you don't want. He takes safe sex measures as a given in any non-relationship situation. And he remains decent after he's gotten laid.

Confidence - A guy who's good in bed assumes things are going to go well. He doesn't needlessly apologize or ask for reassurance, and he moves decisively. He makes his own preferences known and is not shy about asking for or receiving pleasure. If his biology fails him, he goes "oh well, it happens" and makes up for it with his hands. He can be gentle, but not tentative; open to suggestions, but not at a loss for what to do next. He lets you know when he doesn't like something you're doing. He expects you to enjoy him and expects to enjoy you.

I guess these are fuzzy compared to "cock goes here" sex tips, but honestly, those are no use to a guy shoving his cock here without asking or a guy meekly whispering "would it maybe be okay if I um never mind um put my cock here?" If you have your head on straight then the physical aspects are cake.

And I know it's neither decent nor confident to wish someone would GO ALREADY and yet not actually wake him, but fuck, it's 10:45, he's been asleep for like 10 hours, WAKE UP DAMMIT GOOD SEX MAN.


  1. Wake him up in the very best way! A rousing blowjob is certain to do the trick.

  2. I'd bring him a coffee or something and wake him up to drink it, then you can hopefully slide him out of the house by offering him a shower etc. It helps to be dressed. Partly clothed women slow this process down.

  3. It sounds like he was working pretty hard- might need some extra Z's after- I second the coffee motion!

  4. Yeah, four times?! I would be tired too.

  5. Glad you're having fun in Beantown, Holly.

    @Linnea: Not everyone likes his naughty bits touched while he's asleep. I, for one, am more likely to become a hedgehog than a satyr.

  6. I once called my ex-girlfriend (when we were still attempting to be friends) when she was on-line complaining about a man who wouldn't leave; the intent was to let her turn to him and say "that was important, I gotta go, so you gotta go too."

    It didn't work. "It" can refer to the gambit or the parenthetical.

  7. best post ever? tips are good.

  8. I took the slightly passive-aggressive route of cooking him a nice breakfast very loudly. It worked.