Sex and kink... um, person? I'm not really sure what her title is, maybe "bigwig"--Midori has put out a call for women's descriptions of their orgasms.
(Male orgasms are not interesting, of course. Because women's orgasms are like intricate flowers blown in fierce waves under a sky of fireworks, and men's orgasms are like "splurt." Sigh. It's tough being a flower, but at least my sexuality isn't comic relief. Instead it's the experience of the Other and must be documented for the edification of humans. But anyway.)
For me, orgasms are all about losing control. From the moment I feel one building, until it has come and faded, I have no choice in what my mind and body do. I'm on ecstatic autopilot.
It starts with my hips. When I'm approaching orgasm they roll and thrust of their own accord, finding their own rhythm. Warm, delicious feelings build inside me--starting under my pubic mound and deep inside my pelvis, spreading to my breasts and asscheeks, and making my whole skin sensitive to pleasure.
Troubles go away. Minor discomforts don't matter. Pain is just "intensity," just another way to feel pleasure, and it sinks my mind and body even further into their trance. My capacity is still not bottomless, but I crave the pain that five minutes ago I could barely tolerate.
I get soaking fucking wet. I've never squirted, but I... ooze. Clear thin wetness, slippery and salty and hot, runs onto my thighs. My pussy relaxes, able to take bigger things and deeper. I want deep touch, hard touch, not necessarily fast but firm--I have no use for wispy little caresses. Touch is everything. I don't care what I see or hear.
I don't know what I look like when I come. I suspect it's not glamorous. I've been told that I tend to flush red, and that I make faces like I'm in pain. I do know that I make legendarily stupid noises. I moan, groan, pant, grunt, rant, babble, swear, cry, and scream. Loudly. And I've been accused of barking.
Then I actually come. It's an implosion. My muscles tighten in waves. It's so fucking good, and more than that, it's so fucking much. I am overwhelmed, I am made irrelevant, I am orgasm. It's a warm, hard contraction that begins in my cunt and asshole and goes through my whole body. It's overwhelming and exhausting and the best thing in the entire world. Sometimes it goes on for a few seconds, or chains right into the next one, and I can'tmovecan'tbreathecan'tthinkOH.MY.GOD.
Afterwards, I'm completely used up. I have no physical or mental capacity at all. The severity of this impairment ranges, from just being a little sleepy and subdued after masturbating, to being literally unable to stand up or speak after multiple orgasms in a BDSM scene. I'm very sensitive to touch during this time, and cuddling or continued sex is magnified a thousandfold.
By the time I've come all the way down from the high of coming, I'm just about ready to go again.
That's a beautiful description, very evocative.ReplyDelete
Instead it's the experience of the Other and must be documented for the edification of humans.
Each gender is the Other to the other, and each can evince the curiosity that drives this kind of thing. Apparently in the case of orgasms, it's mostly men who care to know, however. Probably there's a cheapness perception involved; kind of a subconscious idea that if a woman wants to know what male orgasms are like, she can simply lower her standards until she can watch one.
Mousie762 - Watching a male orgasm doesn't really tell you what it's like to experience. In fact, I don't entirely know what it's like! But the "women are complex, men are simple" myth seems to be in full effect here, and the male orgasm tends to get dismissed as not much more poetic than a grunt and a squirt.ReplyDelete
After 10 years in a longitudinal gender study, I can attest to the grunt and squirt male orgasm as the status quo among the males I observed in the Lab - including my own orgasms. For us males, orgasm itself exists in the second or two on the precipice of ejaculation. Male orgasm averaged between 2.5 to 4 seconds not including the ejaculation process which feels good but is not generally felt as orgasm. My own orgasms tended to last 3 seconds with a follow up 6 seconds to complete the "squirt" portion. Immediate shrinkage and numbness of my penis (uncircumcised) was de rigueur and something I have found quite frustrating my entire sexual life. Female orgasms as depicted in fMRI and Lab sex tests were the exact opposite. The clitoris was found to possess some 600 X the nerve supply of the penis. We males found this at once amazing and quite disabling to our fragile male egos. For myself as a lifelong Gay man, I took it as the best validation for my homosexuality since I could never imagine possessing so much orgasmic potential or a penis capable of remotely satisfying it.Delete
Holly - I wonder how many women know that men rarely, but sometimes, orgasm without ejaculating or ejaculate without orgasm?ReplyDelete
I know it intellectually, but I'm not sure if I've ever witnessed it.ReplyDelete
Holly - Awfully hard to tell when so many people have trained themselves to orgasm silently and invisibly. Ejaculating without orgasm has mainly happened to me when I tried to stop/pull out temporarily in an attempt to last longer, but waited too late. The orgasm was stopped but not the ejaculation. It leaves me feeling spectacularly frustrated.ReplyDelete
I brought up that instead of describing a good orgasm? Man I must be in a fouler mood than I thought. Cutting myself off from posting for the night.ReplyDelete
One of the interesting things for me (e.g., in my orgasms, such as they are), is that there's this moment of ... being poised, so to speak, as though I were balanced before the plunge.ReplyDelete
I still haven't figured out if that amazing, stretched-out moment is the orgasm itself, or if the orgasm is... what happens right afterwards, which is kind of a disappointment.
I can pretty reliably hit that peak/moment and then back off, resulting in not ejaculating. But it's very, very hard to do so, because my body is screaming at me to just *come* already.
I think my fiance has ejaculation-free orgasms sometimes. He likes to keep going after he comes and if he goes long enough, he has what he describes as "mini-orgasms." I suspect that they're actual orgasms, they just feel a little bit weaker because they lack additional ejaculation sensations. His face tenses up, he gets louder, and he starts fucking faster and like he's not in control of his own hips for the mini-orgasms, just like when he has a normal orgasm. He's kind of bad at describing what it feels like, so I guess I won't ever know for sure.ReplyDelete
Aaron - Do you have someone who you can have sex with and also talk about that with? If you do, I really suggest telling them exactly what you're going to try, and then try acting out a better orgasm. For me, the experience is enormously improved; it releases inhibitions I don't otherwise know I have. And you don't have a lot to lose by trying.ReplyDelete
Mousie - I'm still in the state of trying to categorize and analyze the phases and states of the process. What can I say? I'm a massive nerd.ReplyDelete
But yes, I have someone with whom I can both have sex with and talk about that with. I just won't get to do so until, hmm, a week from tomorrow.
(And I can't wait!)
"Each gender is the Other to the other." I should hope not, because I think that's a bit like saying "each race is an Other to the other." It's not a necessary feature of the fact that we (the genders) have some differences, but seems to imply that we really are "opposites" in some absolute sense. Of course each person is unknowable in some sense to each other person -- "we live as we dream, alone" & so forth -- but I don't think that's limited to gender.ReplyDelete
Emily H., my statement of "Each gender is the Other to the other" is only valid in the context of a response to Holly's hyperbolic comment about researching female orgasm, "it's the experience of the Other and must be documented for the edification of humans." Not in any absolute sense.ReplyDelete
I never liked the idea of "opposite" genders; I can see why it's convenient phrasing, but it doesn't make sense to me. It implies men and women are on some kind of measurement axis with an objective zero point midway between, and that doesn't work. Or else that they are opposed, and that's even worse.
Aaron, I hope that improves things for you as much as it did for me! Just keep in mind that it can be hard to enjoy while also analyzing the phases and states of enjoyment.ReplyDelete
Mousie - My comment about the Other was made out of frustration that this sort of thing is always about women's orgasms. It's all very well to explain women's orgasms to men and men's orgasms to women, but case B never seems to happen--in both caveman and sex-positive settings, women's sexuality and bodies are seen as meriting tremendous exploration and discussion, and men's are taken for granted.ReplyDelete
I wholeheartedly agree with you there, Holly. I'd be interested (no curious, no wait eager and freekily esthatic) to know what it feels like for men. I've always been strangely interested in male orgasm. And, by that point, to hear more men use describing words about their experiences. We are different in some respect, and that is fascinating! No more putting down the comic relief.ReplyDelete
Holly, I got it. I love your hyperbole! I'm still giggling over "At the slightest IOI, latch on to her like a lamprey and refuse to be shaken off until you suck all her fish guts out." The whole "intricate flowers blown in fierce waves under a sky of fireworks/comic relief/documented for humans" paragraph was GREAT!ReplyDelete
pasthurt - I think that's the first time I've ever heard a woman actually ask or say she wanted to know. This is kinda pathetic, but at this point in my life I really wanted to hear someone say something flat out, in so many words.ReplyDelete
My life has been really turned upside down since the last time I had an orgasm other than masturbating, which isn't in the same league at all. And Holly set the evocative description bar really high with this post. And of course I think it's somewhat different for everybody. But here's my attempt.
The actual physical sensations of orgasm are for me mostly the sensations of ejaculation; but with orgasm they are magnified and feel wonderful, whereas without they feel uncomfortable and kinda icky. It's very much like a welcome vs. unwelcome touch; nerves report the same thing but it feels totally different.
Like any man, the head of my cock is the most sensitive. (Circumcised as an infant and regret it). However, as I approach orgasm I prefer a different touch; I want firm pressure as far down the shaft as possible, even behind my balls if that can be arranged. I feel as if my ejaculate is going to stretch out my penis like how in a cartoon firehose, a lump of water travels along creating a wide spot as it goes, and I want the outside enveloped, contained, not allowing that to happen. This is more evocative than accurate; it's really hard to describe, and that firehose image never occurred to my conscious mind until I tried to describe the feeling. Touch on the head doesn't matter to me one way or the other at that point.
As it arrives, I thrust with my hips, clench my ass cheeks, and hold pressure to get as deep as possible. That's instinctive: I always do that even if it doesn't make a difference, e.g. handjob, unless I'm consciously trying not to, e.g. blowjob. I feel a feeling of heat and pressure deep inside my loins, in what I guess is my prostate, and that shoots out through my loins out along the length of my cock. I feel it most in the deeper parts, the base of the shaft behind my balls and inside. It feels incredibly good. It feels like the cartoon firehose, except it isn't a discrete lump of water but an expansion with the farthest point traveling along; the pressure inside stays high when the first semen is past that point. Like I said the more it's contained the better it feels, matching pressure from inside and outside. (But note that a real blockage is awful; while masturbating as a child I once tried pinching the head to ease cleanup and that was painful and miserable.)
At the same time, I arch my back and neck, rolling my head back, close my eyes, and I make noises like a shouting moan or a groaning shout, and I tend to briefly clench my jaws. I've been told I make extremely sexy faces, but I don't know what they look like.
As the orgasm passes, I stop enjoying touch on the head but I kind of need touch on the shaft. In a handjob, at that time, being let go seems like the worst fate imaginable.
Afterwards, I feel warm, relaxed, tired, and very touchy and clingy. Assuming she's also orgasmed and isn't actively looking for more, I especially like to touch my partner in mildly sexual but not too intense ways; spooning her and cupping her breasts but not playing with a nipple, for example. I love to stroke her body; shoulders, back, thighs, hair.
I have the impression that it's less intense than a female orgasm. For me, it's the climax of the story, and the story is no good without a climax, but the story is the point, and a longer story is almost always better. I've gotten the impression from women that it's more a goal, the point of all the other activity. Could be those are reactions to popular stereotypes or just individual differences.
Wow. Mousie, just wow. If it's sappy that you tried to describe your orgasm - and achieved it in a very powerful and eloquent way - is it sappy if I confess that it made me cry?ReplyDelete
It feels so right, how you explain what it feels like, what you need, how your body works through it. I feel like I've been labouring under the wrong impression all my life. I feel like you've given me a gift. Thank you.
I have to say that what you described seems totally different from what I feel while orgasming. Somehow I always thought that it would still feel the same for both sexes. And it doesn't. I would have been so much better if I'd known.
I also feel kind of shallow because, after thinking about it for a minute, I realized I would never have sex if I couldn't (or knew I wouldn't) orgasm. It's entirely the point for me. And now I also understand why I sometimes make Wonderboy so sad and hurt with my actions. Maybe he's like you and can't understand why I won't share the story with him, no matter what. Because if I don't orgasm I get really angry and frustrated, hurt even.
I just love what you say about the need to be enveloped, for me it makes perfect sense in the sense of (ever so magnificently misunderstood) evolution psychology and reproducing. My answer to the question is the want to be filled, pushed to my limits, owned and compeletely taken.
And I'm really sorry about the circumcision. I wish they would give it up already. It is no good to mutilate anyone's genitals. Every inch of skin counts.
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(deleted previous comment because part of it came out wrong)ReplyDelete
pasthurt, Thank you so much for your kind words!
The pathetic part was that I waited until someone specifically asked; rather than just going ahead and describing it or at least asking if anyone wanted to know. I was fishing for specific affirmation that a woman somewhere wanted to hear about a male orgasm, and not troubling myself to describe the experience until I got that affirmation. I didn't recognize what I'd been doing as fishing for affirmation until I started typing the description.
I am so glad anything I said could help. When I have a partner, I want a lot more than an orgasm for each of us, but definitely not less. And I hope you and Wonderboy get a lot more and no less!
It's fascinating to read and consider, Mousie, the words you use to describe the experience, the sensation, the nigh-philosophical underpinings of orgasm.ReplyDelete
Fascinating for three reasons. One - Around half of what you describe simply doesn't apply to me. Two - Half of what you describe *does*. And three? The desire for affirmation rings so very true.
And... I think I know exactly how you feel, in at least one respect, because no partner of mine has ever asked me to describe it, or tried to figure out exactly what is going on inside my body, inside my head. And that's something that I, well, I guess I yearn for it and I didn't realize it until I read your just-now comment.
Hanging around Holly's blog has brought a lot of thought to my mind... and this topic bears more consideration, because rationally, I don't see why my eyes should be filled with unbidden tears right now, and that which I do not understand, I ever seek to grasp.
It's so wrong to not be fascinated with your loved one's inner workings, no matter what the sex. But I think many more girls and women would be invested if they heard you talk about how it feels for you, Aaron and Mousie and anyone else out there who feels the same way. What I hear you say is that you now feel you've not been so deeply appreciated, concidered as a whole, that there's been this wall out of expectations mostly which has stopped a core understanding to be vowen between you and the loved one. It's like, if my pleasure is indiffirent to you, how could I trust that you love me, really, as a whole? You have a right to expect all the consideration women have.ReplyDelete
And Mousie, after the whole world handling your orgasms as no more than a icky comic relief, it's really no wonder you needed the affrimation to write about it so honestly. And I really do want to hear and understand, I'm not just saying that. I'd also like to know how you feel about your orgams, Aaron, if Holly doesn't mind... You're also welcome to come and talk about orgasms in my blog!
It's such a shame, the thing Holly pointed out in his post, that somehow only women's orgasm is the one of any interest. It can only change when women are seen and widely appreciated as viewers as much as men are.
Beautiful description, Mousie. It makes a lot of my partner's likes and dislikes make sense. (His own descriptions of male orgasms are pretty vague, which is frustrating because I'm curious.)ReplyDelete
I'm sure it's difficult to just describe orgasms because they can be so varied... at least that's the case for me.