Friday, February 1, 2008


Under the cut, because it's longish, some keywords people have used to find this blog recently.

how to swallow cum
This was the number one search term (except for the Internet handle of one of the commenters... do you search yourself or do you have a stalker, Dorkie?). Anyway, apparently this is something that requires a tutorial. Okay:

Step one: do licky sucky slurpy things to a penis for a nice long time.
Step two: when he makes funny noises, stuff is about to come out
Step three: when stuff comes out, swallow it.

Are we clear now, Internet?

cum swallow blog
Come on now, seriously, there can't be that much to say about it.

I could keep on going with the cum swallowing, it seriously makes up like two thirds of my search engine hits. (And every time I type "cum swallowing" in this post I get a few more. Cum swallowing cum swallowing cum swallowing.)

does swallowing cum make you pregnant
This was more than one person. Let's hear it for abstinence education, folks!

masturbated by sister
What? No. I did not do this. Ew.

urethra fucking
I did not do this either. But if you don't value your sanity, look up "Amazing Ty" (LINK NOT SAFE FOR WORK OR THE HUMAN SPIRIT) and marvel.

"bruno gets laid"
...It's like the title of a children's story. Bruno the bear goes to the circus and then he sees the elephants and the clowns and then he sees the lady bears, oh yeahhhh.

"hit my cervix" inches cock
About six and a half, but it depends on the position.

"metal rod" "my urethra" orgasm -eunuch
I'm bothered by that last search term. I'd ask if it was really necessary... but I'm guessing it was. Freakin' Internet.

dilbert "unless i get hit by a bus"

"figleaf "my partner" -"having sat with" -"fig leaf" -"a figleaf" -"the figleaf" -"figleaf of" -"figleaf for" -gourd -hollyhock"

help with self swallowing cum
Either stretching exercises, or a Dixie Cup.

holly lesbian
Mom! I told you I'm seeing a man now!

is it safe for a girl to eat cum of a man medically
No. It's not. And that is why nearly every straight woman over 18 is dead. Jeez.

mira sky map
Whoa. I don't know how you got here from there. Sorry about that.

shark swallow cum

woman seeking tpe with face fucking

swalow cum
ur doin it rong

what to expect when you swallow cum
Dammit, it is just not that complicated! Nothing happens! It is not difficult! Nothing happens! IT IS LIKE EATING SNOT, OKAY? SNOT FROM A PENIS. AND IT DOES NOT DO ANYTHING. IT IS JUST HAPPY PENIS SNOT IT IS VERY SIMPLE NOW LEAVE ME ALONE.


  1. "bruno gets laid"
    ? Do I have a fan?

  2. Bruno - Yes.

    But if it makes you feel better, the verbs people apply to "Holly" are myriadly horrifying. Holly assfucked. Holly swallows cum. Holly tied up. Holly fucked hard. Holly hogtied.

    (Holly Hogtied would be a wonderful Cabbage Patch Doll.)

    The sobering part is when you realize people are out there making this kind of search on every conceivable female name.

    Janet Reno hogtied.

  3. But Holly likes those things, I thought. The nightmare ought to be "Holly grows out and paints her fingernails, always wears high heels, gets a boob job, spends her days shopping and baking, and never has another original thought or orgasm."

  4. Bruno - And you don't like getting laid? Feh.

    ...And you never heard this, but I kinda like shopping and baking. Sssh.

    You're right about the rest, though. Boob jobs... gah. I can understand the need if you've had a mastectomy, but undergoing general anesthesia for cosmetic reasons? Jesus Christ.

  5. Well, sometimes...I guess...but I didn't describe bruno gets laid as horrifying.

  6. Bruno - Sometimes I play the role of happy sex-positive "cocks and cunts YAY" girl, and sometimes I play the role of conventional prissy "ewww, dirty parts!" girl, and the switches are blindingly fast and arbitrary.


  7. (Holly Hogtied would be a wonderful Cabbage Patch Doll.)

    Congratulations. Reading this line caused me to come extremely close to choking on my lunch.

    You have literally almost killed someone with your wit. You win the internet!

  8. LabRat - Awesome, but I don't win the Internet until I fix the "almost" part.

  9. actually, I've never searched myself. kinda freaked out now....

  10. Dorkie - That's unsettling, I have 71 separate searches on "dorkiewitch", all from the same person, spread out over the course of a month. All are from Yahoo.

    That's all I can tell from Google Analytics, but that's... unsettling. Maybe check with your friends and see if one of them is compulsively Yahooing you?

  11. Yeah, I'm pretty freaked out now.
    I'll talk to my friend, but for some reason I doubt it. Um..does it tell you where this person is from by any chance?

  12. Dorkie - Unfortunately no. No location, no IP address.

    ...I'm sorry? I don't really know what to say here.

  13. I found your blog from an "ingrown hairs" google search. The first thing I saw in it was a picture of your pussy.

  14. Well, this is really late, but I'm reading from the beginning and really enjoying.
    I suspect a lot of the searches are from people who stumbled onto the blog, read a bit, and were then googling terms based upon something that they remembered from what they had read. As they remembered your really interesting, hot and intelligent posts about being assfucked, hogtied or otherwise tied up. I don't think that means that people are searching all names with all sexual acts.
    Figleaf? I don't know.