Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Quickie Cosmocking.

Just got February's issue. Don't have time to do a full multipage mockathon (notable: they put a photo of Heath Ledger wearing ugly clothes in their "Star Style Goofs" section. Ouch.), so I'll just transcribe one quote that really got me.

Men and women gauge kissing differently, says new research. Guys use it as a means to an end--meaning they're hoping to get sex. But women lock lips subconsciously to evaluate a guy's potential from the chemicals in his saliva and as a bonding gesture.

As you know, I only write from my personal experience, so I'll just say that I, personally, use my forked snake-like tongue to probe the pheremones from deep within my victim's oropharynx.

I'm sure my male readers will comment and confirm that they fucking hate kissing girls but they do it anyway to trick them into having sex. With their chemicals. In their saliva.


  1. Wow.


    The 'bonding gesture' I can almost get; that's classic Cosmo (women kiss and hug and cook dinner and have sex as a bonding gesture, whereas men are just trying to get their rocks off). But chemicals? In saliva?

    I mean, I'm sure there are chemicals in saliva, but I can't say that they've ever really had much of an effect on my decision to sleep with the person. Unless by 'chemicals' they mean 'halitosis'.

  2. or maybe by chemicals they mean ability? Bad chemicals = bad kisser, good chemicals = good kissers.
    Perhaps this is the new slang that none of us are aware of!

  3. Why bother getting a GCMS? Just have a woman put her mouth on everything in the lab and tell you what it's made of!